Medical Alert

An epidemic is sweeping Hollywood. It strikes actresses in their prime--and in their prime parts--at a time when they should have nothing to do but lay back, relax, and collect residuals. We refer, of course, to "Bloobs": the tendency of women's chestal areas to become inexplicably blurry after they appear on basic cable.

While the cause of this condition is unknown--we suspect the FCC released a virus into the water supply of various studios--the truly alarming fact is that the condition has spread from the rarefied world of the Hollywood starlet to the general population of anonymous women who go topless on the internet:

Not only this, but we have heard rumors that the virus has mutated. We have heard about reported cases of a similar condition, which has come to be called, "Blutts." We fear that "Blenis" can not be far behind.

Nation, we need to fight this scourge. Please, don't fall victim to "Bloobs." Doctors encourage people to perform regular self-checks and, should you find yourself getting soft around the edges, vigorous isometric exercises have proven successful in warding off Full-Blown Bloobs.

(Solipsist's Note: WOS coined the term "Bloobs" and "Blutts." We wanted to call the condition "Buzzkill" ourselves, but we were outvoted.)

(Image from dailymotion.com)