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Sunday, January 18, 2009

Marketing for Dummies

. . . . Or, "Does This Beer Make Me look Fat, Part II"

Historically, certain items are marketed in certain ways: Fooodstuffs are marketed on taste or healthiness; retail chains market themselves on value; automobiles on reliability, etc.  Lately, however, the Solipsist has noted some odd marketing choices.  We have already discussed the marketing of beer as the drink of choice for the calorie-conscious alcoholic (1/5/09).  The other day, the Solipsist heard a radio advertisement for "bargain haircuts."  And a local emporium proudly boasts that it sells "Keys for Less."

Now, anything that can help the Solipsist trim his key budget (currently at least $400 month) is welcome.  But, really, are the vast majority of people struggling to pay for keys?  And how does a keymaker actually go about undercutting the competition?  Does he make his keys out of yams?

The point is, certain things should be marketed in certain ways; the corollary, certain marketing strategies just don't work for certain products.  Herewith, a guide for appropriate and inappropriate marketing strategies.  Please feel free to add your own:


STRATEGY: The health-conscious consumer
APPROPRIATE: Foodstuffs, Restaurants, Gyms and Exercise Equipment
INAPPROPRIATE: Beer, Candy. . . . Well, hookers, too, come to think of it

STRATEGY: Entertainment value
APPROPRIATE: Films, TV shows, Toys
INAPPROPRIATE: Shoes, Carpet Cleaner, Butter

STRATEGY: Reliability
APPROPRIATE: Cars, The Service Industry, Batteries
INAPPROPRIATE: Peanut Butter, Cotton Swabs, Llamas

The Solipsist is available to serve as a consultant for any product/industry that would like to better position itself to compete in this harsh economic climate.


  1. I for one would like to see these yam keys of which you speak. Useful AND nutritious.

  2. Hey, I can comment on here. This is fabulous. Solipsist, you are my hero.