In Which Happy Thanksgiving

On the one hand, I find it distasteful that Target will open its doors at 6:00 PM on Thanksgiving, and I think the superstore should be avoided today at all costs.  On the other hand, I really need a 24-pack of paper towels.  What to do, what to do. . .

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Pope Francis arrived in Kenya, and, in an official motorcade comprised of limousines and luxury SUVs, little Lord Humblepants rode along in a "little gray Honda."  The locals were shocked and, frankly, so am I.  When is this guy going to stop shilling for his Japanese corporate masters?!?

Meet the New Pope

Can it be mere coincidence that, on a day when my iTunes shuffled first to a song from "Evita," an Argentinean would soon address a massive crowd from a palatial balcony?  OK, I guess it COULD be, but I doubt it.  No, God had plans for my iTunes.  "High-Flying, Adored" an Andrew Lloyd Weberian puff of musical white smoke, foreshadowing the imminent elevation of His Eminence Jorge Mario Reboglio to the Papacy.

I'm pretty pissed off, I don't mind telling you.  All this talk about how the Church needed to diversify had led me to believe the conclave would finally place a Jew on the Throne of St. Peter for the first time since. . . well, since Peter, I guess.  Suppose I can stop waiting by the phone.

I'm also troubled by the College of Cardinals' blatant pandering to the younger generation with its selection of the 76-year-old Cardinal Reboglio.  Sure, nobody expected them to choose someone of Pope Benedict's years, but Reboglio's not even in his ninth decade!  Does he truly possess sufficient maturity and gravitas to lead the Holy See through these trying times?

Not if his choice of name is any indication.  I mean, Pope Francis?  Francis?!?  Not exactly the most manly of Pope names.  What's wrong with good, sturdy Pope names like Urban or Zosimus?!?  I, for one, think we have waited quite long enough for a Pope Hilarius II!

I'm sorry, but I think the Cardinals blew it this time.  I truly worry that this poor choice will soil the otherwise sterling image of Catholic clergy in the world today.

Advice for the Next Pope from Your Friendly Neighborhood Jew

As cardinals begin to gather in Rome for the imminent Papal election, much is being written about what the next Pope will need to do to address the challenges faced by the Catholic church.  While I understand that the papacy is not something one openly campaigns for, I would like to offer a bit of unsolicited advice--something that would prove a highly popular plank in any campaign platform and that would immediately elevate a candidate to front-runner status in many people's eyes: Priests who sexually abuse children (or, frankly, anyone) will be defrocked, excommunicated, and turned over to the police.

What astonishes me--and, I suspect, many others--is not so much the apparent per capita prevalence of sex offenders among the clergy, but the sheer unwillingness of church authorities to deal with the problem.  I will not go so far as to say that the cover-up is worse than the crime; in this case, the crime is pretty much as bad as it gets.  But the cover up--the apparent indifference--is kind of inexplicable.

Because here's the thing: My understanding of Catholic doctrine, admittedly imperfect, states that the Pope is infallible: He literally answers to no one--no earthly authority, at any rate.  In that regard, he is more powerful than the most powerful corporate CEO, more powerful than any head of state (who can always be removed either by the electorate or by military overthrow).  His word is law.  For a Pope, therefore, to countenance in any way the depredations of his priests--his employees--is inexplicable.

The Catholic church, as mentioned above, faces many challenges: declining membership, archaic attitudes about women and homosexuals, competition from other faiths.  But a clear, uncompromising, zero-tolerance statement from the highest of the holiest would be a big step in the right direction--and might even help with some of the other challenges as well.