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Saturday, June 22, 2013

This IS Your Father's "Hannibal"

Anthony Hopkins did not originate the role of Hannibal Lecter on film.  That distinction belongs to Ronny Cox, who played Hannibal in "Manhunter" (1986), Michael Mann's adaptation of Thomas Harris's novel, Red Dragon (1981).  Ronny Cox is quite good, and the film is quite nifty overall, but it didn't take off to the same extent as "The Silence of the Lambs" (1991), the film version of Thomas Harris's Red Dragon sequel.  That film, of course, is a modern classic, sweeping the Academy Awards and establishing Hopkins' incarnation of Hannibal Lecter as a nightmare figure for the ages, right up there with Dracula, Darth Vader, and any number of recent Republican celebrities.  After "Silence," though, things started to go downhill.

I have no idea whether Thomas Harris always intended to write some sort of Hannibal trilogy.  In both Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal is a supporting (albeit fascinating) character.  He is imprisoned, having been captured earlier by Special Agent Will Graham (William Petersen in "Manhunter," Edward Norton in "Red Dragon" [2002], and Hugh Dancy in the current TV series "Hannibal"--more on that to come).  In both novels and films, Lecter is consulted by FBI agents--first Graham, then Clarice Starling--who seek his unique insights into cases they are investigating.  In Silence, Lecter escapes from custody, so we can imagine that Thomas Harris wanted to give himself the option of writing another book that would, presumably, focus on the hunt for Hannibal.  Still, there was not necessarily a huge demand for such a book; we all could have happily gone on with our lives knowing that Hannibal was "out there" somewhere, ready to murder us horrifically (but with a certain panache) and eat our livers.

Once the film version of "Silence" went blockbuster, though, one can only imagine the amounts of money being thrown at Thomas Harris by both publishers and studios to finish the third installment, appropriately titled, Hannibal (2000); indeed, I for one am impressed he was able to hold all these people off for eight years while he finished writing the thing.  Overall, though, the book and subsequent film have to be seen as disappointments.

The main problem with Hannibal is that, once Lecter becomes a central (as opposed to supporting) figure, he can no longer truly be a monster.  Oh, sure, he's still a murderer, but his killings now seem justified.  He butchers a Florentine detective, but, while we feel somewhat bad for the policeman, and while his graphic demise is disproportionate to his "crime" (i.e., trying to capture Hannibal and hand him over to someone who wants to kill him), we can also chalk Hannibal's actions up to a sort of self-defense.  All Lecter's other victims in this novel seem in one way or another thoroughly deserving of their fates: They themselves are mostly criminals and murderers--or at least thoroughly distasteful and sleazy individuals.  Hannibal Lecter has been transformed from monstrous sociopath into avenging angel.  And even with Anthony Hopkins' continued revelry in this juiciest of roles, the character becomes decidedly less interesting.  The low point comes in Hannibal Rising (2002, film version, 2007), a sort of Lecterian origin story, wherein we learn that Hannibal was driven over the edge during his childhood, when he witnessed his baby sister being cannibalized during the waning days of World War II.  See, folks?  Society is to blame for Hannibal's depravities!

Thank God for "Hannibal," which just completed its first season on NBC.  (And thank God that NBC was apparently so desperate for ratings that they took a chance and put this on the air.  This show is, to say the least, not your typical network drama.)  This series takes place in what I can only assume is a sort of "parallel universe" to the Thomas Harris novels: Hannibal has not yet been captured, and he is still a respected psychiatrist in Baltimore.  He still serves as a consultant to the FBI, particularly to Will Graham (who has obviously not yet figured out that Lecter is a serial killer).  And, of course, he still engages in highly artistic murders and in culinary tours de force (just don't ask about the ingredients).

The best part, though, is that Hannibal, played by Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen, is once again thoroughly and unrepentantly evil.  Presumably he still has the same back-story as the Hannibal we've all come to know and fear from the earlier books and movies, but we hear nothing of his sister's murder or of any other mitigating factors.  This Hannibal, like the Hannibal of Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs, is a pure genius, a pure sociopath, and an addictively watchable character.  I'm not saying that Mikkelsen is a better actor than Anthony Hopkins--I'll leave that argument for others--but this version of the now-iconic character is much closer to the original conception than anything that has been seen since "Silence of the Lambs."  It's kind of like seeing Dracula as "Dracula" (1931) again, after having spent the last ten years watching "Love at First Bite" (1979).

Friday, June 21, 2013

More Musings

I don't care if Paula Deen is a racist!  Anyone who wants to wrap macaroni and cheese in bacon and deep-fry it is OK with me!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

You Otter Know

On the radio this morning, I heard a commercial for the Monterrey Bay Aquarium.  The gist of the ad focused on the unbearable cuteness of otters, and summed up the general attitude of Aquarium clientele, thus: "You would hug them if you had the chance, and if it weren't illegal."  Which makes me wonder: Why is hugging otters illegal?  And is such a statute really on the books in California?  If so, I submit that state legislators have some seriously misplaced priorities.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Failure of Admissions

I swear this has never happened to me before!  I mean, I know it happens. . .  It's a fairly common problem and not anything I should feel particularly embarrassed about. . . . It happens to guys all the time. . .  Still, until it happens to you personally, you just feel like you're invulnerable and then. . . .

What?  Oh, this class that I was supposed to teach got cancelled due to low enrollment.  Why, what did you think I was talking about?

PERVERTS!!!!

And, no, that has never happened to me, thank you very much.

(WOS: [sigh])

But the whole class-cancellation thing is humbling.  Probably the first step on my inevitable downward slide to professorial irrelevancy.    No more "Cool Professor S."  Soon I'll just be "Old Prof. Solipsist."  ("Don't take him! He makes you read paper books!")  I feel this overwhelming urge to go sew elbow patches onto something.  C'mere, cats!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Thursday Trendwatch--Tuesday Edition

All right, back despite popular lack of demand, it's the Yahoo! Trendwatch.  I know it's been a while, but I'm sure we could all use a little bit of levity.  Let's see what whimsical topics are "Trending Now" for all of us to share a good laugh about!

10. PERU EARTHQUAKE: Seriously?  Well, OK, maybe it's not exactly "whimsical," but at least no one died!  (No one died, right?  Right?!?  OK, good.)  The U.S. Geological Survey--which you've gotta figure just lives for this shit--measured the earthquake at 4.6 on the Richter Scale, whereas the Peruvian geological survey (which apparently can't even afford capital letters) measured it at 4.6.  But I think that's metric.

9. CAMBODIAN LOST CITYIt wasn't lost in the earthquake, was it?!?  No?  OK, good.  The city, located near Angkor, is called Mahendraparvata.  How people know what it is called despite its having been "lost" all this time is beyond my capacities to understand.

8. FIRED RADIO HOSTS: PleasesayRushLimbaugh. . . PleasesayRushLimbaugh. . . . PleasesayRushLimbaugh. . . . Oh, that's too bad.  The radio hosts in question, Nick Cellini, Steven ("Steak") Shapiro, and Chris (I don't know, let's say, "Tungsten") Dimino, comprise the cast of 790 the Zone's "Mayhem in the AM" (Atlanta) radio show.  They were fired after conducting a fake interview with former football player Steve Gleason, who is paralyzed as a result of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease).  The interview was filled with tasteless jokes: One of the co-hosts, for example, pretending to be Gleason and speaking with a computerized voice, asked if the hosts could, as a favor, "smother him."  OK, I admit, I kind of chuckled.  Tasteless though it undoubtedly is, I find it somewhat hypocritical for a radio station to fire shock jocks--I can't imagine that a show called "Mayhem in the AM" is known for its erudite discussions on the late works of John Updike--for being shocking.

7. PET FOOD RECALL: The Natura Company is recalling all pet food products made before last week.  This includes foods for cats, dogs, and ferrets.  Wait. . . . No, sorry, just ferret food--which would then be metabolized by the cats and dogs that eat the ferrets.

6. SHARK ATTACKS AT SURFSIDE: A 15-year-old boy was attacked while wading in waist-high water at Surfside Beach on the Gulf Coast of Texas.  According to the report, "The boy was bitten on his lower left leg, and then the teen started beating it." Why the teen felt that beating his lower left leg was an appropriate response to a shark bite is unknown.  Must be a Texas thing.

5. GREG LOUGANIS: The four-time Olympic Gold Medalist is getting married to. . . let's see. . . Johnny Chaillot.  But. . . but.. .  THAT'S A MAN!


The greatest athlete in the history of American diving is gay?!?  Well, I guess he always did show a marked enthusiasm for going down.  BWAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAA!  BWAAAAA-HA-HA! BWAA. . . Ah, shut up.

4. MAN OF STEEL: More about Greg Louganis?  Oh, no, the movie.  It has set the record for the biggest June opening in box-office history.  No doubt this record will last forever!  Or, perhaps until next June.  (By the way, why do we care?)

3. WATERMELON OREOS: Because what could be more refreshing on a hot summer day than to bite into a crisp piece of watermelon. . . cookie? 

(WOS: So is it juicy?

SOL: No, it's like an Oreo--except they use vanilla wafers. And watermelon flavored filling

WOS: So, it's not like Oreo crème?

SOL: Well, it is. . . I mean, it's that kind of crème, but it's lightly watermelon flavored.  And it's dyed pink and green.

WOS: What?  Why don't they just dye it pink?

SOL: Well, because they wanted it to look like watermelon.

WOS: But you don't eat the green part!

SOL: True. I guess they should have used a pink filling and dyed the cookie parts green.

WOS: Yeah. . .  But then of course you'd still be eating the green part that nobody actually eats.

SOL: Right.  Nobody eats the green part of the watermelon. . . .

WOS: . . .  You eat the green part of the watermelon, don't you?

SOL: No.

WOS: You do.

SOL: Maybe.

WOS: [Sigh.]

SOL: I LIKE THE CRUNCHY!)

2. O. J. SIMPSON: It was 19 years ago today that O. J. Simpson led Los Angeles police on a low-speed highway chase while sort of fleeing arrest for the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman.  The 19th anniversary is traditionally the bronze anniversary, so if you're thinking gifts, perhaps a bronzed pair of gloves or some sort of cutlery?  I don't know whether the Simpson chase qualifies as one of those iconic "Where were you when. . . " moments, but I will never forget where I was: In a sports bar in New York, surrounded by a mob of people who just desperately--desperately--wanted NBC to go back to showing the GOD-DAMNED KNICKS-ROCKETS GAME!  It was the FINALS, for fuck's sake!

And the number one top-trending topic for today is. . . .

1. DAVE CHAPPELLE: The mercurial comedian, who practically dropped off the face of the earth several years ago, is making a comeback and preparing to go on tour.  Good for him.  I don't really have a joke for this.  I mean, Dave Chappelle is nothing like the comedy gold that a Peruvian earthquake is!  Good thing I'm not a drive-time radio host.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Elephants--and Apparently Tiger--Never Forget.

In case you were wondering, golfers on average have the ability to remember more than other professional athletes.  Great news for golfers?  Maybe.  Honestly, I suspect the truth is not so much that golfers' memories are significantly stronger, but that the memories of other athletes are significantly impaired: A running back who spends Sundays being tackled by the human equivalent of monster trucks is unlikely to retain a superior level of mental acuity.  And how much would he want to remember anyway?  Sure, touchdowns would be pleasant enough, but those will be vastly outnumbered by reminiscences of one's face being driven into the Astroturf.  And even for the golfers, isn't this damning with faint praise?  Basketball players can revel in their abilities to leap higher than mere mortal; football players possess near superhuman strength; baseball players boast of uncanny hand-eye coordination and the capacity to masticate great quantities of tobacco.  Golfers?  They can remember that the 13th hole curves to the left.