Saturday, March 26, 2011
Spring Cleaning
Just a brief post today. We did some spring cleaning at Solipsist HQ. A bit traumatic, actually. You see, awhile back, we arranged the room with the bed (a California king) in a corner. As a result, portions of the floor--those areas underneath the left-upper quadrant--have been largely inaccessible for some time. Today, however, we moved the bed so as to clean that area, and. . .uh, well. . .it was kind of horrific. We're off to have a stiff drink and hope to recuperate by tomorrow.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Too Risky for Captain Cuckoo-Bananas?
In case you missed it--and since we didn't write about it, you must have missed it (really, you people are far too dependent on us for your news)--check out this tidbit from an article in yesterday's Times. The article described the various sources of Moammar Qaddafi's ill-gotten wealth:
Madoff apologists will insist that the Libyan refusal to invest simply reflects a general anti-Semitic unwillingness to do business with the Jews. We cannot help but think, however, that, when the "Mad Dog of the Middle East" shied away from investing in a fund that had consistently posted spectacular returns, this should have served as a warning sign to someone.
Solipsistography
"Shady Dealings Helped Qaddafi Build Fortune and Regime"
"Libya became so flush with cash [after trade sanctions were lifted] that Bernard L. Madoff, the New York financial manager who stole billions of dollars in a long-running Ponzi scheme, approached officials overseeing the country’s $70 billion sovereign fund a few years ago about an “investment opportunity,” according to a State Department summary of the episode in 2010. 'We did not accept,' a Libyan official reported."So, let's get this straight: Madoff's scheme was too sketchy for Qaddafi?!?
Madoff apologists will insist that the Libyan refusal to invest simply reflects a general anti-Semitic unwillingness to do business with the Jews. We cannot help but think, however, that, when the "Mad Dog of the Middle East" shied away from investing in a fund that had consistently posted spectacular returns, this should have served as a warning sign to someone.
Solipsistography
"Shady Dealings Helped Qaddafi Build Fortune and Regime"
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Threat-Level: Superannuated
Arizona had the right idea. Unfortunately, they were too late--much too late. And, for that matter, much too south.
The true threat arrived in our country early in the last century, and it came from the Great White North.
WE'VE BEEN WARNING YOU ABOUT CANADA FOR AGES, PEOPLE! MAYBE NOW SOMEONE WILL LISTEN!!!
Yes, people, the sleeper cell has awoken! And. . .oh, now it's taking a nap.
Well, while he's resting, we'll tell you about Leeland ("Osama") Davidson, 95, of Centralia, Washington. Seems Mullah Davidson, who served "his" country (America) in World War II, was actually born in Nova Scotia. His American parents neglected to inform the US government of Leeland's birth to ensure that he would be granted American citizenship. Because Leeland's parents are no longer around (did we mention that he's 95?), and because Iowa--where his "parents" were "born"--didn't start keeping birth records until 1880, Herr Davidson cannot authenticate his citizenship.
Sounds a little too convenient to us. Isn't this the same dodge Obama used?
Davidson discovered he wasn't actually an American citizen when he applied for an enhanced driver's license so that he could visit "friends" (read: fellow jihadists) in Canada. He has since been warned not to pursue his case, as drawing attention to his status could jeopardize the social security benefits he is currently siphoning away from real Americans and could, indeed, lead to deportation. Leeland, however, is determined to become a full-fledged American before he dies. Talk about committing to a bit!
(DIGRESSION: Davidson's big mistake was applying for the license in his home state of Washington, where a 95-year-old applying for a driver's license probably raised some red flags. If he had just gone to Florida, nobody would have batted an eye, and he could have driven his car bomb right up to the early-bird buffet at Stuckey's. EOD)
All we know is, if elderly Candians can evade homeland security, what chance do we have against the rest of Al Qaeda?
The true threat arrived in our country early in the last century, and it came from the Great White North.
WE'VE BEEN WARNING YOU ABOUT CANADA FOR AGES, PEOPLE! MAYBE NOW SOMEONE WILL LISTEN!!!
Yes, people, the sleeper cell has awoken! And. . .oh, now it's taking a nap.
Well, while he's resting, we'll tell you about Leeland ("Osama") Davidson, 95, of Centralia, Washington. Seems Mullah Davidson, who served "his" country (America) in World War II, was actually born in Nova Scotia. His American parents neglected to inform the US government of Leeland's birth to ensure that he would be granted American citizenship. Because Leeland's parents are no longer around (did we mention that he's 95?), and because Iowa--where his "parents" were "born"--didn't start keeping birth records until 1880, Herr Davidson cannot authenticate his citizenship.
Sounds a little too convenient to us. Isn't this the same dodge Obama used?
Davidson discovered he wasn't actually an American citizen when he applied for an enhanced driver's license so that he could visit "friends" (read: fellow jihadists) in Canada. He has since been warned not to pursue his case, as drawing attention to his status could jeopardize the social security benefits he is currently siphoning away from real Americans and could, indeed, lead to deportation. Leeland, however, is determined to become a full-fledged American before he dies. Talk about committing to a bit!
(DIGRESSION: Davidson's big mistake was applying for the license in his home state of Washington, where a 95-year-old applying for a driver's license probably raised some red flags. If he had just gone to Florida, nobody would have batted an eye, and he could have driven his car bomb right up to the early-bird buffet at Stuckey's. EOD)
All we know is, if elderly Candians can evade homeland security, what chance do we have against the rest of Al Qaeda?
Solipsistography
Image from KATU.com
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Af-Flack
Nothing was really inspiring us today, so we checked out the ""Trending Now" section on Yahoo! High on the list--above Elizabeth Taylor and Japan--was the Aflac Duck. The insurance company needs to find a new spokesfowl--or, more specifically, they need to find a new voice-over artist (that should probably be "artist") for their familiar mascot. Longtime duckvoice Gilbert Gottfried was fired last week after making some insensitive jokes over Twitter about Japan.
Personally, we don't get it. According to a CNN report, one of the jokes went something like this: "I was talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I asked if there was a school in this neighborhood. She said, 'Not yet, but just wait.'" Insensitive? Well, yeah. Funny? Not especially. And we imagine Gottfried might have made even raunchier comments that CNN would not have aired. This, after all, is a man known for making jokes about prison rape.
Which is kind of our point: When Aflac hired Gilbert Gottfried, they knew what they were getting: A loud obnoxious comedian with a voice like a duck. If they wanted a spokesperson unlikely to provide embarrassing soundbites, they kind of went the wrong direction.
At any rate, if any members of Solipsist Nation are interested, Aflac is holding auditions around the country. We encourage you to try out. If you can squawk "AF-LAC!" and avoid insulting tsunami victims, you could have a lucrative second career.
(Personally, we think they should go a whole different direction and hire Ben Affleck. This would have the added advantage of potentially keeping him too busy to make movies.)
Solipsistography
Aflac casting call
Personally, we don't get it. According to a CNN report, one of the jokes went something like this: "I was talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I asked if there was a school in this neighborhood. She said, 'Not yet, but just wait.'" Insensitive? Well, yeah. Funny? Not especially. And we imagine Gottfried might have made even raunchier comments that CNN would not have aired. This, after all, is a man known for making jokes about prison rape.
Which is kind of our point: When Aflac hired Gilbert Gottfried, they knew what they were getting: A loud obnoxious comedian with a voice like a duck. If they wanted a spokesperson unlikely to provide embarrassing soundbites, they kind of went the wrong direction.
At any rate, if any members of Solipsist Nation are interested, Aflac is holding auditions around the country. We encourage you to try out. If you can squawk "AF-LAC!" and avoid insulting tsunami victims, you could have a lucrative second career.
(Personally, we think they should go a whole different direction and hire Ben Affleck. This would have the added advantage of potentially keeping him too busy to make movies.)
Solipsistography
Aflac casting call
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Clarence Darrow Had a Bunny
In the television show "The Paper Chase," John Houseman played Professor Charles Kingsfield, an old-school (not to say just "old") academic tyrant who terrorized his students with merciless interrogatory classes. In one episode, Kingsfield figuratively "shrouded" a student, effectively declaring the young man dead to him for his effrontery in not being prepared to answer a question. Prof. Kingsfield had no sympathy for weakness.
We can only imagine what Prof. Kingsfield would make of Yale University Law School's new program, wherein the library has made available a "therapy dog" for stressed-out students. Students can "borrow" the dog for 30-minutes of heavy petting when the rigors of case-law become too much to bear.
Details are disturbingly scarce. We know the dog's name is Monty, but Yale has released few additional details. We don't know what kind of dog Monty is, how old he is, where he did his undergraduate studies, or how many other dogs he had to beat out for the position. More importantly, we wonder if Monty will be up to the demands posed by Yale. The university admits about 200 students per year. Factoring in attrition, we could assume roughly 400 students pursuing a three-year degree at any given time. Let's say half those students require therapeutic canine intervention. This means that Monty would have to work 'round the clock for more than four days straight to see them all.
Maybe Yale should get Monty a therapy cat.
Solipsistography
"For Law Students with Everything, Dog Therapy for Stress"
IMDB.com
Yale Law School
We can only imagine what Prof. Kingsfield would make of Yale University Law School's new program, wherein the library has made available a "therapy dog" for stressed-out students. Students can "borrow" the dog for 30-minutes of heavy petting when the rigors of case-law become too much to bear.
Details are disturbingly scarce. We know the dog's name is Monty, but Yale has released few additional details. We don't know what kind of dog Monty is, how old he is, where he did his undergraduate studies, or how many other dogs he had to beat out for the position. More importantly, we wonder if Monty will be up to the demands posed by Yale. The university admits about 200 students per year. Factoring in attrition, we could assume roughly 400 students pursuing a three-year degree at any given time. Let's say half those students require therapeutic canine intervention. This means that Monty would have to work 'round the clock for more than four days straight to see them all.
Maybe Yale should get Monty a therapy cat.
Solipsistography
"For Law Students with Everything, Dog Therapy for Stress"
IMDB.com
Yale Law School
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Great American Pastime: Securities Fraud Investigations
With Opening Day less than two weeks away, we approach baseball season with a certain resigned dread. Things don't look good for our New York Mets. After yet another disappointing season last year, the front office did pretty much nothing over the off-season to improve the team, On the other hand, given the results of their last few off-seasons, when they did make significant "improvements," we can't automatically assume this is a bad thing.
No doubt part of the reason the Mets have had such an uneventful winter is the fact that the team's owner, Fred Wilpon, is a target of an investigation by Irving H. Picard (who we have it on good authority is the great-great-great-great-great grand-uncle of Captain Jean Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise), the trustee for Bernie Madoff's defrauded investors. Wilpon and his partners were major investors in Madoff's business. Picard argues that Wilpon must have known that Madoff was actually running a gigantic Ponzi scheme, and was thus complicit in the criminal enterprise. Picard wants to recoup about one billion dollars from Wilpon and company to redistribute to Madoff's victims.
From everything we read, Fred Wilpon seems like a decent man, but essentially he's in a no-win situation. If he did know about Madoff's fraud, then he's a criminal. He claims, however, that he did not know:
As a Mets fan who has suffered greatly over the last few seasons, the Solipsist is inclined to believe this defense.
Solipsistography
"Mets Owners Rebut Charges in Madoff Suit"
No doubt part of the reason the Mets have had such an uneventful winter is the fact that the team's owner, Fred Wilpon, is a target of an investigation by Irving H. Picard (who we have it on good authority is the great-great-great-great-great grand-uncle of Captain Jean Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise), the trustee for Bernie Madoff's defrauded investors. Wilpon and his partners were major investors in Madoff's business. Picard argues that Wilpon must have known that Madoff was actually running a gigantic Ponzi scheme, and was thus complicit in the criminal enterprise. Picard wants to recoup about one billion dollars from Wilpon and company to redistribute to Madoff's victims.
From everything we read, Fred Wilpon seems like a decent man, but essentially he's in a no-win situation. If he did know about Madoff's fraud, then he's a criminal. He claims, however, that he did not know:
"In the court papers, Mr. Wilpon and [his partner Saul] Katz portray themselves and their partners at Sterling Equities, their corporate holding company, as relatively unsophisticated securities investors who trusted Mr. Madoff and who effectively turned over control of hundreds of millions of dollars in investments to him."In other words, not guilty by reason of stupidity.
As a Mets fan who has suffered greatly over the last few seasons, the Solipsist is inclined to believe this defense.
Solipsistography
"Mets Owners Rebut Charges in Madoff Suit"
Sunday, March 20, 2011
A Story Seldom Told
The interesting thing about "The Fighter" is that the title character, "Irish" Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) is probably the least interesting part of the movie. After watching the movie, we feel little sense of connection to Wahlberg's character, nor do we see what the big deal about his story is. For those who want a plot summary, here's a link to Micky Ward's Wikipedia entry.
The movie won two Academy Awards. Melissa Leo, as Micky's mother, won Best Supporting Actress. We don't exactly understand why: She's fine, but she plays a thoroughly unlikable character whom we thoroughly unliked. Where's the challenge?
Best Supporting Actor Christian Bale, on the other hand, is worth the price of admission (well, especially since we Netflixed it and pretty much paid nothing). As Micky's brother, crack-addicted former boxer Dicky Eklund, Bale is spectacular. Forget how you've seen him before: This is not Bruce Wayne.
The movie won two Academy Awards. Melissa Leo, as Micky's mother, won Best Supporting Actress. We don't exactly understand why: She's fine, but she plays a thoroughly unlikable character whom we thoroughly unliked. Where's the challenge?
Best Supporting Actor Christian Bale, on the other hand, is worth the price of admission (well, especially since we Netflixed it and pretty much paid nothing). As Micky's brother, crack-addicted former boxer Dicky Eklund, Bale is spectacular. Forget how you've seen him before: This is not Bruce Wayne.
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