In case you missed it: NASA's Kepler spacecraft has discovered two planets orbiting a distant star that might conceivably be habitable. To be clear: No one is claiming actually to have discovered extraterrestrial life. But two planets of an appropriate size and distance from their sun to conceivably host conditions amenable to Life As We Know It have been identified.
Named Kepler 62e and Kepler 62f, the planets have proven that NASA scientists suck at naming things. The Keplers are about 1200 light years from earth, which means that, for all we know, the planets crashed into each other a thousand years ago. I'm just saying, call ahead before you make the trip.
Also, the planets are both slightly larger than Earth. This doesn't make them unlivable, but if you go there, you are likely to feel fat. This made me wonder about all those "Star Trek" episodes. I "get" that there is a universal translator, which explains why every green-skinned beauty understands Captain Kirk's English come-ons. I accept that all "M-class" planets have breathable atmosphere. But does EVERY planet have the same mass?!? 'Cause you never hear the away teams kvetching about feeling leaden, or see them skipping blithely about as if lighter than air (well, Sulu maybe, but that could be for any number of reasons).
Showing posts with label Astronomy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Astronomy. Show all posts
Friday, April 19, 2013
Monday, November 12, 2012
Thursday Trendwatch, Veterans' Day Edition
10. TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE
Why it's trending: As FOS used to say, I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count. . . . Right! A solar eclipse is on the way. Tuesday, at 12:30 PM Pacific, our old pal the sun will find itself completely occluded by the moon. Chances are, unless you're a dolphin, you won't see it live, as the path of coolness (official astronomical term, by the way) lies mostly over the Pacific. Perhaps more interesting: Apparently, total solar eclipses look just like big blocks of cheddar cheese:
Why he's trending: The Washington State football coach has denied abusing his players.The accusations came from Leach's star receiver, Marques Wilson, who spoke of physical and verbal abuse, but declined to provide specifics. When pressed, Leach acknowledged that practices could get a little rough, but that all players could at any time invoke the "safe word" ('diphthong').
8. DENISE RICHARDS
Why she's trending: In an effort to "do her part" after Hurricane Sandy, she adopted a puppy. Why she chose to adopt a puppy from Nebraske, I have no idea.
No, no, no: The puppy was from Long Island, and the celebrity wanted to promote animal adoptions, especially of pets displaced by the storm (I think Richards is the one on the right). Thousands of Staten Islanders who still have only sporadic electricity service applauded Richards' selflessness.
7. DEREK DOOLEY
Why he's trending: Wasn't that the name of Mark Wahlberg's character from "Boogie Nights"? Anyway, Dooley is the football coach at the University of Tennessee, and he might or might not be on the verge of getting fired. If he IS fired, though, I think he should move to Canada and become a Mountie. He's got the perfect name for it.
6. KAT VON D
Why she's trending: Apparently, she and something called "Deadmau5" are no longer dating. I wonder if she had tattooed--I'll say "his"--name on her--I'll say arm.
5. ASTHMA
Why it's trending: A Danish study has linked acetaminophen (Tylenol) use in infancy to the development of asthma in pre-schoolers. In other news, a study sponsored by Tylenol has linked the intake of Danish to being fat.
4. MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Why it's trending: Because it would be stupid for it to be trending on Thursday! Tonight's game features the Kansas City Chiefs against the Pittsburgh Steelers. To be sporting, the Steelers have agreed to play with only nine men on defense. They are still 19 point favorites.
3. FIRST NFL TIE SINCE 2008
Why it's trending: Yesterday, the San Francisco 49ers played the St. Louis Rams to a 24-24 tie. For those not familiar with NFL rules: In a regular-season game, if neither team is ahead after one overtime period, the game officially ends in a tie. As you can see, this happens quite rarely. I suppose a team would rather have a tie than suffer a loss. Frankly, though, if I had gone to that game and paid good money, I'd want a refund. Look, if I want to see something with an indeterminate endings, I'll just stay home and watch DVD's of "Lost."
2. MCAFEE MURDER
Why it's trending: John McAfee--of antivirus software fame--is being sought for questioning by police in Belize in connection with the death of McAfee's neighbor, Gregory Viant Faull. Faull was found dead of a gunshot wound to the head this weekend. McAfee is described as a "person of interest," not a suspect. Rumors of extensive high-fiving at Norton are unconfirmed.
And the top-trending story at this moment on the space-time continuum. . .
1. TEXAS SECESSION
Why it's trending: Over 25,000 people have signed a petition requesting that Texas be allowed to "peacefully secede" from the United States. No word on what percentage of those signatures came from outside Texas.
Why it's trending: As FOS used to say, I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count. . . . Right! A solar eclipse is on the way. Tuesday, at 12:30 PM Pacific, our old pal the sun will find itself completely occluded by the moon. Chances are, unless you're a dolphin, you won't see it live, as the path of coolness (official astronomical term, by the way) lies mostly over the Pacific. Perhaps more interesting: Apparently, total solar eclipses look just like big blocks of cheddar cheese:
9. MIKE LEACHWhy he's trending: The Washington State football coach has denied abusing his players.The accusations came from Leach's star receiver, Marques Wilson, who spoke of physical and verbal abuse, but declined to provide specifics. When pressed, Leach acknowledged that practices could get a little rough, but that all players could at any time invoke the "safe word" ('diphthong').
8. DENISE RICHARDS
Why she's trending: In an effort to "do her part" after Hurricane Sandy, she adopted a puppy. Why she chose to adopt a puppy from Nebraske, I have no idea.
No, no, no: The puppy was from Long Island, and the celebrity wanted to promote animal adoptions, especially of pets displaced by the storm (I think Richards is the one on the right). Thousands of Staten Islanders who still have only sporadic electricity service applauded Richards' selflessness.
7. DEREK DOOLEY
Why he's trending: Wasn't that the name of Mark Wahlberg's character from "Boogie Nights"? Anyway, Dooley is the football coach at the University of Tennessee, and he might or might not be on the verge of getting fired. If he IS fired, though, I think he should move to Canada and become a Mountie. He's got the perfect name for it.
6. KAT VON D
Why she's trending: Apparently, she and something called "Deadmau5" are no longer dating. I wonder if she had tattooed--I'll say "his"--name on her--I'll say arm.
5. ASTHMA
Why it's trending: A Danish study has linked acetaminophen (Tylenol) use in infancy to the development of asthma in pre-schoolers. In other news, a study sponsored by Tylenol has linked the intake of Danish to being fat.
4. MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Why it's trending: Because it would be stupid for it to be trending on Thursday! Tonight's game features the Kansas City Chiefs against the Pittsburgh Steelers. To be sporting, the Steelers have agreed to play with only nine men on defense. They are still 19 point favorites.
3. FIRST NFL TIE SINCE 2008
Why it's trending: Yesterday, the San Francisco 49ers played the St. Louis Rams to a 24-24 tie. For those not familiar with NFL rules: In a regular-season game, if neither team is ahead after one overtime period, the game officially ends in a tie. As you can see, this happens quite rarely. I suppose a team would rather have a tie than suffer a loss. Frankly, though, if I had gone to that game and paid good money, I'd want a refund. Look, if I want to see something with an indeterminate endings, I'll just stay home and watch DVD's of "Lost."
2. MCAFEE MURDER
Why it's trending: John McAfee--of antivirus software fame--is being sought for questioning by police in Belize in connection with the death of McAfee's neighbor, Gregory Viant Faull. Faull was found dead of a gunshot wound to the head this weekend. McAfee is described as a "person of interest," not a suspect. Rumors of extensive high-fiving at Norton are unconfirmed.
And the top-trending story at this moment on the space-time continuum. . .
1. TEXAS SECESSION
Why it's trending: Over 25,000 people have signed a petition requesting that Texas be allowed to "peacefully secede" from the United States. No word on what percentage of those signatures came from outside Texas.
Friday, January 14, 2011
What's Your SIgn? (Plus, a Special Edition of "Stuff WOS Hates")
Astronomy--by far the lamest branch of the physical sciences--has finally started pulling its weight. Taking a break from such pointless pursuits as the search for planets capable of sustaining life, astronomers have set the Interweb abuzz with a revision of the zodiac. Due to shifts in Earth's orbit, the familiar twelve signs we all grew up with should expand to a nice, even 13.
The newest member of the astrological hall of fame? Ophiuchus! Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? The name is Greek for "serpent bearer" (ophi - 'snake'; ookus -'shlepper'); if you prefer, you can also refer to the constellation by its Latin name, Serpentarius, which is decidedly cooler, but also sounds like the name of someone who should be fighting Wonder Woman.
The announcement has caught astrologers and those who follow them (i.e., morons) off-guard. With the insertion of Ophiuchus into the rotation, all the other zodiacal signs have to shift. The Solipsist, for example, has just learned that he has all along been a Virgo trapped in a Libra's body: No wonder we've been so dyspeptic! All along, we thought we were "charming, good-looking, gentle and kind" (Libra) while we've actually been "creative delicate and intelligent." Ophiuchuses (Ophiuchi?) fall within the sign formerly known as Sagittarius and are thought to be lucky wisdom-seekers, as opposed to the more "optimistic" and lively Sagitarriususes.
(DIGRESSION: Does anyone else find it odd that all the characteristics associated with the signs of the zodiac are positive? What's the sign for jerks and Republicans? Cancer? EOD)
Whatever you think of the latest revelations, we wish to congratulate Parke Kunkle (yes, really), an instructor at the prestigious Minneapolis Community and Technical College (yes, really), for bringing Ophiuchus to the world's attention. We are pleased to report that other invstigators have followed Kunkle's lead, announcing discoveries heretofore considered too "pointless" for mainstream science:
--A group of metallurgists in Zurich have concluded that the "gold" found in pots at the ends of rainbows is actually a compound of precious and semi-precious metals, with trace amounts of yttrium.
--A biology professor in Nebraska has found the elusive "Third Eye": It's behind the gall bladder.
--The unicorn, according to zoologists in Manitoba, is actually a member of the rodent family, closely related to the capybara.
The newest member of the astrological hall of fame? Ophiuchus! Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? The name is Greek for "serpent bearer" (ophi - 'snake'; ookus -'shlepper'); if you prefer, you can also refer to the constellation by its Latin name, Serpentarius, which is decidedly cooler, but also sounds like the name of someone who should be fighting Wonder Woman.
The announcement has caught astrologers and those who follow them (i.e., morons) off-guard. With the insertion of Ophiuchus into the rotation, all the other zodiacal signs have to shift. The Solipsist, for example, has just learned that he has all along been a Virgo trapped in a Libra's body: No wonder we've been so dyspeptic! All along, we thought we were "charming, good-looking, gentle and kind" (Libra) while we've actually been "creative delicate and intelligent." Ophiuchuses (Ophiuchi?) fall within the sign formerly known as Sagittarius and are thought to be lucky wisdom-seekers, as opposed to the more "optimistic" and lively Sagitarriususes.
(DIGRESSION: Does anyone else find it odd that all the characteristics associated with the signs of the zodiac are positive? What's the sign for jerks and Republicans? Cancer? EOD)
Whatever you think of the latest revelations, we wish to congratulate Parke Kunkle (yes, really), an instructor at the prestigious Minneapolis Community and Technical College (yes, really), for bringing Ophiuchus to the world's attention. We are pleased to report that other invstigators have followed Kunkle's lead, announcing discoveries heretofore considered too "pointless" for mainstream science:
--A group of metallurgists in Zurich have concluded that the "gold" found in pots at the ends of rainbows is actually a compound of precious and semi-precious metals, with trace amounts of yttrium.
--A biology professor in Nebraska has found the elusive "Third Eye": It's behind the gall bladder.
--The unicorn, according to zoologists in Manitoba, is actually a member of the rodent family, closely related to the capybara.
Science marches on!
*********************************************************
WOS here. I just wanted to say about this whole new zodiac sign: Ophiuchus?!? Ophibullshit!!! I mean, it would be one thing if it turned out that I was the snake sign! That would be cool. But there is no way in hell that I am a Sagittarius. I am as Capricorn as they come! Any astronomer wants to tell me different, he can come say it to my face! I'll give him an Ophiuchus he'll never forget!
Solipsistography:
Image from Ian Ridpath's Star Tales
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