Monday Miscellany

The Rich Get Californian-er

According to a recently released report, 25% of the richest people in America live in the Golden State.  Topping the California list in these troubled economic times is Oracle founder Larry Ellison, who last year had a net worth approaching an astonishing $14,000!  The next Californian on the list is Facebook magnate Mark Zuckerberg, who as of last Thursday reportedly had $183.26 in his checking account.

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Typecasting 101

If you're a British leading-man-type, you can aspire to play either James Bond OR the Doctor (i.e., "Doctor Who")--not both.  Years back, I read somewhere that Hugh Grant was being considered for the role of 007.  This is ludicrous.  Hugh Grant is as Doctor as they come.  Colin Firth, on the other hand, is clearly a Bond.  It works with American actors, too: George Clooney = Bond; Johnny Depp = Doctor.  The point is: Know your limitations.  Don't try to be a Bond if you're inherently a Doctor.

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Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Get Caught

While the military's repeal of DADT was a much-publicized and highly welcome milestone in gay rights, I feel I missed something that, while obviously less-heralded, was no less significant: When did "Cheaters" feature its first gay couple?  I mean, we all knew that gay people are just as capable of bravery and nobility as heterosexuals; it's nice to see they're capable of licentiousness, too.

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Today's My Birthday. . .

. . . and (this is true) when I was surfing the Web this morning, just bouncing around checking out some links that friends had put up on Facebook, I got a pop-up for an "over-50" dating site.  Now, for the record, I am only 42.  And married.  Still, some of those cougars were quite--oh, Hi, WOS.  Gotta go.

I clicked on a link this morning and got a pop-up for a "seniors' dating" site.  Come on!

Don't Ask

Here's today's "sounds-like-an-Onion-headline-but-isn't":

"Marines Hit the Ground Running in Seeking Recruits at Gay Center"

Now that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is history, the Marines wasted no time and set up a recruitment stand at a gay community center in, of all places, Tulsa, Oklahoma.  While all branches of the military were invited, only the Marines took advantage of the opportunity.  According to the Times' reporter, "the Marines appear determined to prove that they will be better than the Army, Navy, Air Force and Coast Guard in recruiting gay, lesbian and bisexual service members."

I don't doubt the Marines' sincerity, but do they seriously think they can be gayer than the Coast Guard?  Good luck with that!

(WOS: To any Coast Guard members out there, please, go easy on the Solipsist.  Remember, he has a family of cats to support.)

Some of Our Best Friends Are. . . .

The biggest non-story news story of the past week--a true candidate for Mr. Irrelevant had it not appeared prominently on Yahoo!'s homepage--was about how the majority of our nation's soldiers could care less whether openly homosexual troops served in the military.

(DIGRESSION: We've heard people use "could care less" and "couldn't care less" pretty much interchangeably. Logically, we've always felt it should be "couldn't care less," implying that people couldn't care LESS because they don't care AT ALL; at the same time, though, "could care less" just scans better. What's you opinion? We'd like to know. EOD)

We hasten to point out that when the pollsters first asked soldiers how they felt about the possibility of homosexuals serving in the military, a large proportion did, in fact, express opposition--until the pollsters pointed out that this opened the door for lesbians, as well. Serving together. . . . Showering together. . . . Comforting each other on those long, lonely, Arabian nights. . . . Where were we?

Seriously, though, can anyone be surprised by the non-deafening lack-of-outrage expressed by the typical servicemember? Sure, when the Solipsist went to high school in the mid-1980's, homsexuality hadn't been discovered yet. When we went off to college--as a drama major, no less--we sat through our first "coming out of the closet" speech and thought, "Wow, we know a gay person now. Huh. . . . Does that mean we're gay?!?" (It didn't.)

But today, everybody knows gay people. The generation currently enlisting in the armed forces was born at most a year or two before Ellen came out of the closet and dashed the erotic dreams of every young man who had a thing for average-looking funny blondes (yes, we'rer still bitter). Having a gay friend today is about as avant-garde and noteorthy as. . . . well, as having a friend!

As far as we're concerned, the only real drawback to eliminating "don't ask-don't tell" comes from the fact that now people who want out of the army will have to come up with a different excuse. We guess they can always just claim to be Canadians.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell. . .and Try Not to 'Do' Either

An interesting article today discussed the travails faced by gay and lesbian cadets at West Point. What with the continuing farce that is "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," all cadets must sign a pledge "acknowledging that revealing one's homosexuality can lead to discharge [snort!], as can 'demonstrating a propensity to engage in homosexual acts.'"

We're glad they clarified that last point. Otherwise, cadets could always adopt the Roy Cohn defense: "I'm not gay! I just like to fuck around with guys" (see Angels in America; no, really, see it).