On the Plus Side, Sarah Palin Wouldn't Be Able to Run for Office, Either

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are going to be off next week, so I feel it's my duty to share this.  (Thanks to DOS for telling me about it).

You know how the Republican presidential candidates have been accused of wanting to take the United States back to the 1950s?  Well, in case you missed it, on Friday Sarah Palin rose to their defense (?), telling Fox News, "What Barack Obama seems to want to do is go back before those days [of the Civil War] when we were in different classes based on income, based on color of skin."

Palin complained that the recent HBO film "Game Change" was "based on a false narrative."  She's right: It makes her look far too smart.

BLOG MA--LANGUAGE

Yesterday, a student asked if I knew who Bill Maher was.  I explained that, despite my advanced age old and the fact that I live under a rock at the bottom of San Francisco Bay, I was, in fact, aware of the Maher's existence.  (Sarcasm is wasted on some people.)  Anyway, this student asked what I thought about the fact that Bill Maher had made all kinds of vulgar comments about Sarah Palin and not caught the same kind of heat that Rush Limbaugh has attracted since attacking Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke.  I hadn't actually heard about Maher's comments--I later saw Jon Stewart's piece about the Fox News fueled contretemps--and I asked what he (Maher) had said.  The student said that the news mentioned Maher calling Palin "the 'C' word."  Then he asked me what "the 'C' word" was, which led to one of the more awkward moments in my teaching career. . . but that's not the point.  I said that I still felt that what Rush did was worse, but our conversation got me thinking about the relative acceptability of different epithets.

First, is there a double standard at work here?  That is, is it OK for Bill Maher to call Sarah Palin a cunt but not for Rush Limbaugh to call Sandra Fluke a slut?  Partially this depends on your own sensibilities.  Some would say both men are being offensive, some would just shrug.  I'm all for free speech, so I certainly wouldn't censor either of them, but I would also not censor those who would condemn either man's choice of words.  And, personally, I think Bill Maher could do better.

At the same time, Maher's choice of words doesn't especially bother me.  This might have something to do with the fact that I generally dislike Sarah Palin, but that's not all there is to it.  Substitute Sarah Palin for, say, Nancy Pelosi or Hillary Clinton (not that Bill Maher would be likely to use such language in describing either of those women), and I still wouldn't be overly incensed.

Part of my relative comfort with Maher's language comes from the fact that Sarah Palin is a public figure who is more than capable of defending herself.  She can command any media platform she likes, and she has cadres of lawyers, publicists, and political cronies who can come down hard on Bill Maher or anyone else who attacks her.  Sandra Fluke has also made herself a public figure, and thus opened herself up to certain criticisms.  But she has nothing like Palin's resources, and this adds to the perception that she is being bullied by someone much more powerful than she.

Overall, though, what makes Limbaugh's actions worse than Maher's in this instance is his choice of words.  As offensive as words like "cunt" or "bitch" are, they have limited significance.  Think about what message Maher conveyed by calling Palin a "cunt": Essentially, the translation of that statement is, "I think Sarah Palin is a bad person and I dislike her."  "Bad person," of course, is a matter of personal opinion.  Maher can point to things Palin has done or said that make her, in his estimation, "bad," but those same things might make her "good" to other people--other hopelessly benighted people, but what are you going to do?

When people call a woman "slut" or a "whore," though, they are not, literally, expressing their feelings towards another person; they are making assertions about that person's behavior: Specifically, they are saying that this woman has "inappropriate" amounts of sex (which, by the way, if you're having sex with Rush Limbaugh is ANY amount of sex) and/or has sex for money.  In our society, these actions generally brand a woman as "bad."  Now, we can argue whether this is a wrong-headed assumption, but the fact is that this is the standard societal attitude.

In other words, "bitch" or "cunt" (or "asshole" or "scumbag") can be "excused" as one person's opinion; "whore" and "prostitute" are words associated with behavior--and are frankly slanderous unless they can be backed up.  Bill Maher is a raunchy comedian who says things that people often find offensive.  Rush Limbaugh is a sleazy asshole.  That, of course, is just my opinion.

Thursday Trendwatch--Monday Edition

If you don't want to contract PROSTATE CANCER (10)--and these days, who does?  I mean, prostate cancer went out with Crocs and Tamagochi.  Anyone who's anyone is coming down with bird flu these days. . . . Wait, what was I talking about?  Oh, yeah: If you want to avoid prostate cancer, you may want to consider circumcision.  Scientists are unsure about the exact mechanism, but a recent study found that men who have prostate cancer are less likely to be circumcised.  Less likely than what was not made clear.

Speaking of prostate cancer--and, for that matter, circumcision--LARRY KING (9) is reportedly launching his very own show on internet TV.

With an internet show, King can now add another media outlet to a list of previous platforms that includes television, radio, print media, Vaudeville music hall, and the Lascaux cave paintings.

Larry King is very old, is what I'm saying.

Number 8 on the Trendwatch is AT&T, but when I clicked on the link, I was directed to a page that said, "Did you mean AT&T?"  Well, I don't know, Yahoo!!  It's your "Trending Now" list!

(DIGRESSION: That first exclamation point is part of the Yahoo! name--like that--and should not be interpreted to mean that I considered the previous statement worthy of two exclamation points.  I mean, it's upsetting, but not that upsetting!! EOD)

Maybe I'll have better luck with CRYSTAL CATHEDRAL (7).  I have no idea what the Crystal Cathedral is, but yesterday its senior pastor, Sheila Schuller Coleman (quite a tongue twister, by the way), announced that she was leaving the Cathedral to start her own church.  Somehow, I doubt this announcement is up there with Martin Luther nailing his 95 theses to the church door, but who knows?  Maybe five-hundred years from now Schuller-Colemanism will have supplanted Islam as the world's most misunderstood religion.

HALLE BERRY (6) is engaged--to a Frenchman!  Seriously, there's something seriously wrong when Halle Berry can't get a date in America.  Well, since I forced you all to look at Larry King, here:

SARAH PALIN (5) is reportedly upset about the HBO movie "Game Change," about the 2008 presidential campaign, which starred Julianne Moore as Palin.  I have not seen the movie; however, if I were Palin, I wouldn't complain too much: No disrespect to Tina Fey, but going from being portrayed by her to being portrayed by Julianna Moore has got to be considered a step up.  It's like when the rights to my life story were transferred from Pauly Shore to George Clooney.

It could happen.

To wrap up the Trendwatch, TIGER WOODS (4) has a mid-Achilles sprain, which will provide a suitable rationale for his next round of general mediocrity.  No words will be wasted on RUSH LIMBAUGH (3).  The Bay Area can look forward to a BART EXTENSION (2).  From now on, the area's public transportation network will be known as HOBART--nobody knows why. And not to be outdone--or out-extended--by BART, 49ers' quarterback, ALEX SMITH (1) is reportedly close to a contract extension.

And speaking of Alex Smith's extension, no word on whether Smith has a prostate-cancer-risk-lowering circumcision or not.

Thursday Trendwatch

Among the things the Solipsist is thankful for today, I am thankful that I am not in Maryland.  Not only because, you know, it's in Maryland, but also because, if I were there, I might have significant trouble getting my Social Security DISABILITY BENEFITS (10).  Marylanders are reporting long delays in receiving approval for these vital payments, and, with disability claims soaring by about 30%, there is no relief in sight.  And if the rate of disability among Marylanders has gone up by 30%, that suggests yet another reason to be thankful I am far, far away.

I am also thankful for the GIFT BASKETS (9) I am sure to receive from my adoring fans.  Godiva Chocolates, Hickory Farms meats and cheese, Beers of the world--really, anything is fine.  In fact, to save yourselves some trouble, you could always send me a gift basket filled with gift baskets.

If you're shopping for a teenager, though, you should consider buying a gift basket filled with SMARTPHONES (8) and "minutes."  A new report finds that teens would rather receive a smartphone than a new car.  This suggests something that I have long suspected: Teenagers are idiots.

Speaking of idiots, if you believed that the ALIEN SKULL (7) unearthed in Peru belonged to an actual, um, alien, you were wrong.  (Sorry.  Here, have a smartphone.)

The headline on this article reads "Alien Skull in Peru Almost Definitely a Hoax of Some Description."  Love the "almost."

Maybe the alien skull is actually just an aborted Muppet.  We could always ask AMY ADAMS (6) who co-stars in this weekend's big release, "Yet Another Muppet Movie" (that may not be the actual title).  She plays "the human."

Thanksgiving is a day when we give thanks and look back to a simpler time before we cared about such things as electricity or the rights of native peoples.  So it stands to reason that today's trendwatch should contain a feature on CLEAN ENERGY (5).  Turns out that using renewable energy resources like wind and solar may not only be good policy but good politics--and better for the planet.  There must be a catch.

Next on the trendwatch, NATALIE WOOD (4) is still dead.  The captain of the ship she was sailing on when she drowned has come forward to say that he suspects her husband, Robert Wagner, had something to do with her death.  I didn't know that she was on the ship with Wagner and Christopher Walken.  This makes me think that maybe her death wasn't accidental: Lord knows, I'd consider jumping into open water to escape whatever those two might have thought up.

Natalie Wood's obvious heir, of course, is MILEY CYRUS (3), who spent Tuesday night partying like she was 19--which she was.  Happy birthday, Hannah Montana!  Stay away from Robert Wagner's yacht!

KARINA SMIRNOFF (2) has a lot to be thankful for today, too.  The vodka heiress won the celebrity competition "Dancing with the Stars" the other night, and--  What?  She's not related to the vodka?  Oh, so. . . what makes her a "Star"?  Oooh, she's the PROFESSIONAL DANCER part of the couple.  Her "Star" is J. R. Martinez.  I get it.

Now, who the hell is J. R. Martinez?

Finally, SARAH PALIN (1) and family are no doubt thankful today for the efforts of Knoxville, TN, prosecutors, who gained a conviction against David Kernell for hacking into Caribou Barbie's e-mail.  But thinking about Sarah Palin should make us all thankful for a couple of other things, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

Happy holidays, everybody!

Sunday Paper Recap

The good news is that this (by which we mean the toxic effects of BP's multi-million gallon oil spill) too shall pass: “Thoughts that this is going to kill the Gulf of Mexico are just wild overreactions,” said Jeffrey W. Short, a scientist who led some of the most important research after the Exxon Valdez spill and now works for an environmental advocacy group called Oceana. “It’s going to go away, the oil is. It’s not going to last forever.”

Of course, the bad news is that nobody knows how long it will take to "go away"--or even what "going away" really means. Apparently, toxic effects can linger long after the oil disappears, and the underlying ecology of a region can be irrevocably altered. Oil from a major spill in the Gulf of Mexico still shows up in local mangrove swamps, and fiddler crabs off the coast of New England wander about drunkenly in attempts to avoid oily sediment. And, frankly, if poisoned wetlands and contaminated coastlines are the price we pay for drunken crustaceans, we're OK with that.

In a move that surprises no one at Solipsist Central, big insurers and their corporate clientele may limit the number of doctors and hospitals from which policyholders may choose. Cost-cutting. At this moment, Glenn Beck has probably downed a few dozen Bud Lights, and Sarah Palin has gotten "toldja so" printed out on cue cards (complete with stage directions for when to wink): We have to admit, it does seem to fly in the face of President Obama's pledge that no one was going to have to change doctors when the new health law goes into effect.

Relax, people. Corporations and insurers can do what they will to cut costs--after all, that's part of the idea of all the healthcare reform in the first place. Participating insurers will still have to provide a fair number of options, and everybody will be able to get to see a doctor. Frankly, as someone who basically grew up under the auspices of managed care, we've never formed a deep, unbreakable bond with any medical provider. If we have, say, 25 doctors to choose from instead of 50, it's a reasonable proce to pay if it ensures that people will have access to care.

But what do we know? We're just a blogger. It's not like we've written a book about building schools in Afghanistan. And while that may not qualify one to comment on healthcare reform, it apparently is a solid resume component for strategic military planning. The US army has turned for advice to Greg Mortenson, the author of Three Cups of Tea, about his efforts to build girls' schools in the AfPak region. Not so ridiculous, really. If the US Army really does want to win the hearts and minds of the Afghan population, it makes sense to turn for inspiration to someone who has made something of a career out of reaching out to the region with education instead of bullets. Sure, it's not as innovative as warrior monkeys, but it could work.


The aforementioned Lady Palin has lots of opportunities to trot out her newest Obama laughlines. She's the big "get" for aspiring Republicans these days. Over one hundred Republican candidates running for everything from senator to governor to local dog catcher have found themselves on the receiving end of Palin endorsements. Candidates don't even necessarily know Palin is considering an endorsement until they receive word that it has come. In this, Palin has taken a page from the MacArthur Foundation, recipients of whose "Genius Grants" don't even know they are under consideration until they get the big call. We realize the use of the words "genius" and "Sarah Palin" in one paragraph may strike some as ludicrous. Then again, a week ago, people would have said that machine-gun toting baboons was a ludicrous idea as well.

All right, enough about Taliban monkeys.

Finally, we note that, when Sarah Palin gives her endorsements, they often first appear on her Facebook page. And while Facebook has no problem promulgating the cause of right-wing culture warriors--or, to be fair, left-wing culture warriors--it does have a problem with death. What is a social network with some half a billion users to do when one of its members dies? It's not as though the member can change his own status message: "THE SOLIPSIST is dead!" The problem arises when Facebook's automated notifications tell people that they should "get back in touch" with people who have passed over. Technology marches on, but it can't always get ahead of the ghosts in the machine.

"Suh-NAP!" of the Week

Andrea Fay Friedman is now officially one of our favorite people. In case you haven't been following the dust-up, here's the deal:

Last week, Fox's animated series "Family Guy" featured a character named Ellen. The character--and Andrea Fay Friedman, who provided the character's voice--both suffer from Down Syndrome.

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the program, you should know that the humor of "Family Guy" is not known for class and sophistication: Fart jokes pass for witty bons mot. So in last week's episode, when one of the regular characters asked Ellen about her parents, and when Ellen replied that her father was "an accountant, and my mom is the former governor of Alaska"--well, let's just say it could have been worse.

Not for Sarah Palin, though. Palin, whose own son Trig also suffers from Down Syndrome, saw the joke as an attack on her defenseless child. (Though considering that the show portrayed a Down Syndrome sufferer--played BY a Down Syndrome sufferer--as a fully functioning young adult, we find it hard to see how this constituted an attack. Anyway.) In predictable Palin-esque fashion, she launched an attack on the show's producers and enlisted her daughter Bristol "abstinence pledge" Palin in the campaign.

So how does Andrea Fay Friedman feel about all this? From an e-mail she sent to the New York Times:

"I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. [In my family] we think that laughter is good. [I was raised] to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. . . . My mother did not carry me around like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes."

!!!!!

Can we get an "AWWWWWW, NO SHE DIII-N'T!!!"

Ms. Friedman, we would like to offer you full citizenship in Solipsist Nation.

(Image from The New York Times)

None Dare Call It Treason (A Brief Post)

Addressing the "Tea Party" convention yesterday--

(Digression: Is this an official "party," now? Do we need to abandon the scare quotes? Because if we do, then we're REALLY scared. EOD)

--Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin said, "I am a big support of this [Tea Party] movement. America is ready for another revolution."

Now, we're all for free speech. But consider what would have happened in 2008 if candidate Barack Obama had used that rhetoric. The Republican howls of "Sedition!" and "Treason!" would still be echoing today.

None dare call it treason? May we at least call it offensive idiocy?

Observation and Comment (A Brief Post)

Observation:

You know it's time to do laundry when you're down to the novelty underwear. If you're slipping into Christmas-themed "Simpsons" boxers in mid-November, you really need to do a wash.

No reason.

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Comment:

Sarah Palin is upset at Newsweek. As you've probably heard, the newsweekly placed Palin on the cover, using a photograph that originally appeared in Runners World magazine (Caribou Barbie is a devotee of the tachyambulatory arts). As she commented on her Facebook page, "The out of context Newsweek approach is sexist and oh-so-expected by now. If anyone can learn anything from it: It shows why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. . . . The media will do anything to draw attention."

(Digression: In the spirit of non-judgmentalism, we won't even take her to task for her incorrect colon usage. EOD)

If you haven't seen the offending cover, here it is:

Sexist? What's she so upset about? Check out those gams!

Not for nothing, but, if the whole politics thing doesn't work out, Palin's got a bright future as a JCPenney catalog model.

Trachsel Palin

At least she made it through her entire announcement without using the word "Maverick." That's progress of a sort, right? She did, however, manage to work in "unconventional" and "politics as usual" a couple of times.

A few days ago, the Solipsist mentioned Lincoln's sound advice about keeping silent and being thought a fool, rather than opening one's mouth and removing all doubt. As a good Republican, she really should have taken the Ol' Stovepipe's suggestion.

We are speaking, of course, of Sarah Palin, who just resigned as Governor of Alaska. Have you seen the announcement? If not, it's really worth watching in its entirety. When we first heard the news yesterday afternoon, we were surprised, but we assumed it was some sort of calculated move--that Palin was planning a presidential run in 2012 and that, somehow, she and her advisers had concluded she would better position herself by being outside the governor's mansion. We assumed she was planning to join some law firm or public-policy think-tank (ignore the obvious jokes for the moment) to establish her bona fides and keep her name in the public spotlight before formally announcing her candidacy sometime in early to mid-2011.

At least, we thought this until we watched her. . . really "speech" is the wrong word. Monologue? Ramble? Meltdown? Take your pick. (You really need to watch it to get the full impact. We'll wait.)

Dum-de-dum-doo-doo.

OK? You know what she looks like to us? (WOS: A crack addict? No, no, no.) Her affect makes us think that the night before this presentation (so, Thursday) some large men in dark suits pulled up outside the governor's igloo and presented her with some kind of irrefutable proof of some unspeakably shady dealings on her (or perhaps her husband's) part. She was then presented with the option to resign--immediately--or face the public revelation of whatever skeletons lurked in her closet.

Honestly, we kind of hope that was the case. Because NOTHING else explains the inane press conference she held in Wasilla. We're not speaking of the message--the resignation itself; for that, there could be any number of legitimate or semi-legitimate reasons. We are speaking of the sloppiness, the utter disregard for anything resembling polished public speaking. Honestly, she made George W. Bush look like. . . well, like Barack Obama.

Did you know that the last part of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, "I Have a Dream" speech--the famous part, the I-Have-a-Dream, Content-of-Their-Character, Free-at-Last part--was actually not in the original text? It's true. He was winging it. We suppose we could say that Palin was trying to emulate King by not having any teleprompter or notes--we COULD say that. Or maybe there are no teleprompters in Alaska. Or index cards. Or paper. Or maybe Palin just can't read. At any rate, her announcement was a seven-minute political death-march. It was almost painful to watch. (And really hard to eat popcorn to.) As we said, she managed a few references to her unconventionality, as well as her disdain for politics as usual: In this case, the usual politicians she seemed to be disdaining were smooth-talking orators with the ability to hire competent speechwriters. Highlights included:

--References to a wish to spare her family the potshots of the liberal media elite. Fair enough, except for the fact that the family member she alluded to as a victim of such sniping was Trig, the baby born with Down Syndrome--in other words, the ONE member of Palin's family who has probably NEVER been ridiculed by ANYONE. Perhaps Palin's inability to keep her family members straight prompted the resignation.

--Palin mentions that she "polled her most important constituents" (i.e., her family) about her decision. The question she apparently put to them (and this is a DIRECT QUOTE FROM PALIN): "Do you want me to make a positive difference and fight for all our children's future outside the governor's office?" The response, according to Palin was "four yeses and one 'Hell, yes!'" We are simply captivated by the image of Mother Palin in her apron and kawasaki 704s, bringing a roast in from the kitchen, and commencing the dinner conversation with "Hey, kids! Do you want me to make a positive difference and fight for all our children's future outside the governor's office?" A regular June Cleaver, that one.

--And while we're on the subject of Palin's family: So, they were OK with her being Vice-President of the United States, but now they have a problem with her being governor?

Awhile back we thought that Sarah Palin might be a Sloppist. Alas, this press conference suggests she is not. Or at least that she missed our post from earlier this week about metaphors and the inadvisability of mixing them. In her speech, Palin first compared herself to a point guard who passes the ball (in this case to Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell) in order to give her team (Alaska, presumably) the best chance to win. Later, she compared her decision to "calling an audible," suggesting that she is the quarterback of a football team. All right, it's not exactly a mixed metaphor--it's really just two separate sports metaphors (had she said, "I'm a point guard calling an audible," THAT would have been a mixed metaphor). What strikes us, though, is that she is using the wrong sports metaphors altogether. What she is not taking into account is that, while both point guards and quarterbacks pass the ball to help their teams win, they also STAY IN THE GAME. What she more closely resembles is a pitcher in baseball. Which brings us to Steve Trachsel.

Steve Trachsel was a major-league pitcher. Over a 16-year career, he pitched for several teams. He's not a future Hall-of-Famer or anything, just a good, reliable, keep-your-team-in-the-game kind of pitcher. At any rate, he pitched for the Mets from 2001-6, compiling a 66-59 record. He was a reliable and, indeed, important part of the Mets' pitching staff.

What's notable about Trachsel's time with the Mets was how it ended. His final start for the team came in the 2006 National League Championship Series against the St. Louis Cardinals. He didn't pitch great; more significantly, he didn't pitch long. After giving up two runs in the first inning, he came out for the second and was hit on the thigh by a batted ball. The manager and trainer came out to check on him, and Trachsel left the game. The significant point is that he LEFT the game; he walked off the field after walking the next batter, and that was it.

Now, Trachsel may very well have been hurt by the batted ball, but the fact that virtually no one on the Mets--not the manager, not the general manager, not even Trachsel's teammates--spoke up for him suggests that his injury was not that severe, and that, given the circumstances (a championship series), Trachsel should have sucked it up and at least tried to tough it out. Major league players do not take themselves out of the game. At any rate, Trachsel was through with the Mets. He pitched two more years, compiling a 9-16 record, and, as of this writing, appears to be out of baseball altogether.

Sarah Palin is not Jason Kidd. She is not Brett Favre. She is Steve Trachsel, leaving a high-pressure game under questionable circumstances. For the sake of the nation, let's hope she continues to follow his career path into blessed obscurity.

(Sarah Palin baseball card image from Toledo Free Press)

Six Degrees of Sarah Palin

As we wait for WOS, who just joined Facebook, to acknowledge our marital status (we have our fingers crossed), we thought we should share some thrilling information.

This is getting big, people.

The other day, as we were performing our routine check of Google Analytics, we discovered that "The Solipsist" continues to expand its geographical range. The latest state to check us out? Alaska. And where in Alaska, you ask? Brace yourselves!

Wasilla!

That's right everybody, Caribou Barbie is a Sloppist! It's almost enough to make us wish we had voted Republican last November. Almost.

But (semi)seriously folks, Wasilla is not a particularly big town (population 5469 as of the 2000 census). So it stands to reason that, even if La Palin herself is not the Alaskan Sloppist, there's still a more than decent chance that the Alaskan Sloppist has met La Palin. So check this out:

"The Solipsist" is read by a resident of Wasilla, Alaska, who (if not Palin herself) has conceivably shaken the hand of Governor Sarah Palin, who has shaken the hand (and possibly more!) of Senator John McCain, who, before being trounced in debates and an election, shook the hand of soon-to-be President Barack Obama! That's FOUR DEGREES OF SEPARATION, people! We're practically cabinet members!

And as if that weren't enough, consider all the folks from whom this puts us six degrees of separation:

President Obama had numerous photo ops with soon-to-be-ex-President George W. Bush, who met the Pope!

President Obama served in the Senate with John Warner, who was married to Elizabeth Taylor!

President Obama campaigned with former President Bill Clinton, who once famously shook the hand of John F. Kennedy!

President Obama has been on the Oprah Winfrey show, and Oprah knows Dr. Phil!

The possibilities are virtually endless.

So take a deep breath, Sloppists, and be mindful what you say. You are all now only five degrees of separation from our President. We want to make a good impression.

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From today's Times, an article about how the New York City bus fleet is undergoing a sort of retro-transformation. In the olden days, when people wished to signal a bus driver to stop, they would pull down on a "bell cord," which would cause a bell (or sometimes a buzzer) to sound. Almost twenty years ago, all the bell cords were replaced with strips of yellow tape, which people press down on to signal a stop. Now, however, in a nod to budget consciousness, the transit authority is going back to bell cords. Most commuters couldn't care less, but one Janette Kemp, 53, explains why she is "squarely in the tape camp":

"'You just push down on it,' she explained. Then she gestured to the cord [and imagine the contempt dripping from Ms. Kemp as she concludes]. 'This you have to pull down on.'" (Emphasis added.)

We miss New York!