Sleep-Talkin' WOS

A few weeks back, Sleep-Talkin' Man was featured on Blogger.com's "Blogs of Note." Much as we resent our continued non-appearance on this list, we have to say that, for once, the decision-makers made a good call. This site features the unconscious ramblings of Adam, a "mild-mannered" Englishman (his wife types up his musings every morning). A representative comment: "My badger's gonna kick your ass. Badgertastic!" Anyway, the blog has gone viral, gaining thousands of followers, and allowing the couple to launch a presumably lucrative line of "Sleep-Talkin' Man" t-shirts.

Reading through the comments on the blog, we noticed that, while most people find Adam's musings entertaining, if not outright hysterical, there are a number of skeptics who assume that he and his wife are just making stuff up. They find it hard to believe that anyone could be so consistently funny in his sleep. To the doubters, we say, believe it.

We, too, have enjoyed sleep-talking rambles from our very own WOS. Unfortunately, her comments are not as regular as Adam's, but we think they are no less amusing. Following is a sampling of WOS's sleep-talking. And, unlike those other times, when we've told you something was true even though we were making stuff up, we swear to you on whatever you would like us to swear on that these are all actual comments made by WOS. Enjoy!

"I have a smorgasbord of unpaid lunch bills!" (This was the first thing we ever heard WOS sleep-talk.)

"Oh, no! I caught a quick cold, honey! I caught a quick cold!"

"Blinky Bill, Blinky Bill, Blinky Bill. . . . What's your favorite cartoon? Dragonball Z. . . . Blinky Bill, Blinky Bill, Blinky Bill. . . . Why isn't there any Dragonball Z?!?"

"That pumpkin. . . has the sweetest face!"

"That monkey has white fur. . . . That's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. . . . AHHH! The white monkey's choking me!!!!. . . . Damn monkeys!"

"You are my chooch-kie!" (She said this as she put us in a virtual stranglehold. Then, singing and rocking, she continued) "I love my choochkie, I love my choochkie, I love my choochkie all day long!"

"It's a pink kitty! It's pink! That's the cutest thing I've ever seen. . . . It's pink!"

"So, anyway, you come to this room where these midgets are throwing babies at you. So, when you get there, just grab some midgets, grab some babies, and you'll be fine."

Occasionally, we'll try to converse with WOS:

WOS: The Buggles are here! Oh, what a fright!
YNSHC: The Buggles?
WOS: The Buggles! That's not right.

And once, WOS actually sat up and SANG the following song, complete with finger-snaps at the end of each line:

Snap your fingers (snap, snap)
Tap your toes (snap, snap)
That's the waaaaay (snap, snap)
The story goes (snap, snap)
What the world is (snap, snap)
No one knows (snap, snap)
So snap your fingers (snap, snap)
Tap your toes (snap, snap)

She then lay back down and continued sleeping uninterrupted for several hours.

Penny for Your Thoughts

Yesterday, in a predictable 5-4 alignment, the Supreme Court essentially declared that big corporations and rich individuals and (throw a sop to the liberal left) labor unions can spend spend spend as much as they like to support the campaigns of friendly politicians. So McCain-Feingold is as dead as John McCain's presidential aspirations. (See, "Justices, 5-4, Reject Corporate Spending Limit").

The majority's underlying logic rests upon the proposition that, fundamentally, corporations and wealthy individuals--and the lobbyists who work for them--are, with apologies to F. Scott Fitzgerald, no different from us; they just have more money.

As much as we abhor the excessive influence of money on politics, we find it hard to argue with that logic. And while progressive stomachs churn at the thought of Philip Morris spending freely to elect its candidates of choice, we take comfort in the fact that for every Rupert Murdoch, there is a George Soros. (OK, maybe not for EVERY Rupert Murdoch, but for a few of them.)

The problem, it seems to us, is not so much that rich individuals spend lavishly to protect their political interests. The problem is that they--and, by extension, everybody else--HAVE TO spend lavishly to protect their own political interests. If campaigns were publicly funded, candidates wouldn't have to sell themselves to the highest bidder. If media companies were required to provide equal time for all political viewpoints, then high-rolling corporations would be less inclined to spend huge amounts on media buys.

It has long been said that censorship is not the appropriate remedy for hateful speech; that, in fact, the remedy for hateful speech is MORE speech. Similarly, the remedy for excessive spending is not to restrict people's ability to spend, but to ensure that all people have the ability to have their voices heard--regardless of their bank account balances.

Time to Fight

Not for nothing, but when did Cindy McCain become the Crypt Keeper?

She used to be such the hottie. Ah, well. (Image from Yahoo!)

**********************************************************

There's a new Facebook group: Sending Harry Reid a Pair of Balls. For every member, the group will send Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) a pair of (cotton) balls to symbolize widespread left-wing dissatisfaction with the senator's inability to stand up to Republicans (and many Democrats) who are obstructing healthcare reform legislation.

Sad to say, we think President Obama needs to man up, too.

Just once, we'd love to see a liberal-minded president--and we believe Obama is a liberal at heart--stand in front of a crowd and spell out a true liberal agenda: universal single-payer healthcare; living-wage legislation; increased funding for education; an end to ill-advised military adventurism. While we find it hard to believe anyone could oppose such things, we understand some people do. But an orator as gifted as Obama could make the majority of people understand these are good things. (We know we're in Fantasyland here--let us have our moment.)

The President should then DARE the Senate to block these things. You want to oppose universal healthcare? Get up and say it! You want to block funding for education? Get up and say it! You want to defend the rights of corporations to award multi-million dollar bonuses while people are being thrown out of their homes due to the bad decisions these bonus recipients made? Get up and say it!

We remember a time when in order to pass legislation, one needed to wrangle 51 votes in the Senate. Somewhere along the line, that became 60 votes. We know, we know: One ALWAYS needed 60 votes to block a filibuster. But we also seem to recall that, in the past, in order to filibuster, one actually had to, y'know, filibuster, a la "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington." Somewhere along the line, that requirement--that someone get up and speak--and keep on speaking--in order to prevent a vote from being taken--somewhere along the line that requirement went out the window. Now, all a minority party needs to do is threaten to filibuster in order to block a vote.

We say, MAKE the Republicans filibuster health care reform--and every other piece of legislation that they want to prevent from coming up for a vote. Shine the spotlight on the great lengths to which these people will go to prevent the government from functioning. If they have the courage of their convictions, if they truly feel that such progressive legislation will harm the country, let them go on record as not just opposing it (which their presumed "Nay" votes would signify), but as opposing it to such an extent that they will prevent duly elected representatives from passing it.

If they are right, and if some unseen, unheard majority agrees with their stand, then these representatives need fear no electoral consequences. Indeed, they will be hailed as the heroes they no doubt see themselves as. If they are wrong, they will be deservedly punished.

Come on, Mr. President! Stand up for what you've said you believe in! And force the other side to do the same. We believe most Americans will see things your way.

Here's to Your Health V

So where do we go from here?

Scott Brown, defeated Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley for the Senate seat formerly held by Ted Kennedy. Isn't this--a Republican sitting in Ted Kennedy's seat--one of the signs of the apocalypse foretold by Nostradamus? It may be apocalyptic for any chance at passing healthcare reform. Oh, well. The way the legislation was shifting to satisfy all parties was pretty much alienating everybody, Democrats and Republicans, liberals and conservatives. Still, it would have been better than nothing.

And nothing is what we will get, rest assured. Because we are convinced that Republicans are uninterested in passing any kind of healthcare reform. And no, it has nothing to do with small-government ideology: Many of the same Republicans who scream about out of control government spending were the same Republicans who voted for the "Medicare Modernization Act" in 2003. That was the one that Bush sponsored: Apparently, it's OK to approve a half-trillion dollar unfunded mandate, as long as a Republican is in charge. Come to think of it, that's much the same logic that got us into Iraq.

So, no, it's not about objections to healthcare or to spending money: It's about objections to Obama and to Democrats. God forbid that anyone thinks past partisan advantage to do something to help people.

And for what it's worth, we're pretty fed up with Democrats, too. If they hadn't caved to the insurance lobby, if they hadn't run like a vampire from garlic at the very thought of a public option, if they could see beyond the confines of the Capitol to the people whose lives are truly being derailed by lack of health insurance--then this farcical election wouldn't even be an issue. The law would have been passed.

It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. The Democrats can now safely NOT pass any healthcare legislation and blame it on the obstinate Republicans. The Republicans will say (rightly, it must be noted) that the Democrats had a year in which they ran the show, so what's their excuse for not getting things done.

So basically, the Republicans get exactly what they want: No healthcare reform. And they may not even have to pay a political price for denying coverage to needy people.

God bless America.

Assets, Not Liabilities

Investors love layoffs. The way they see it, fewer employees equals a lower payroll, and a lower payroll equals higher profits.

They're right on a certain level, but this is one example of the flaws in market-based thinking, namely, that employees are seen as liabilities rather than assets. The most valuable assets of any well-run organization are the people who comprise it.

In addition to teaching, we also supervise tutorial services at our college. One of the mixed blessings of this position is that we get to work with the best and the brightest of the student body. What makes the blessing mixed is that the best and the brightest inevitably move on to bigger and better things: Nobody's life calling is to be a part-time tutor at a community college.

(Digression: On the upside, the worst and the dimmest also move on eventually. EOD)

Today we gave a glowing recommendation to one of our strongest employees, who will now be leaving us to accept a "real, grown-up" job. We take some solace (and a smidgen of pride) in the fact that she will continue to work in the field of education. But, as we have had to do numerous times in the past, and as we will (hopefully) have to do many times in the future, we sit back, smile wistfully, shake our head, and wonder where we will find a replacement.

*****************************************
Since nobody took our quiz yesterday, we are disinclined to provide the answers. So there!

*****************************************
A Republican will occupy Ted Kennedy's seat?!? Good job, Massachusetts!

Happy Birthday to a Great American

Today, we pause to commemorate the birth of a great American. Someone who overcame obstacles to forge a path of brightness. A beacon of hope and wisdom in a troubled world. And a smokin' hottie, too.

Huh? Oh, we're talking about WOS. Martin Luther what? Oh, well, OK, he's pretty cool, too.

Anyway, in honor of WOS's birthday, we thought we'd have a little fun. WOS and YNSHC have compiled the following list of titles from Lifetime Movie Network. Now, don't click the link yet! Here's the game: Of the 20 titles below, 12 are ACTUAL LMN movies, and the rest are made up. Your challenge is to try to guess the fakes. Please leave your responses in the comment section. Answers will be provided tomorrow.

Have fun!

1. A Very Merry Daughter of the Bride
2. The Accidental Neighbor
3. Choosing Matthias
4. Demons from Her Past
5. A Wish for Isaiah
6. Moment of Truth: Dark Night in Wisconsin
7. 'Til Lies Do Us Part
8. I Dream of Murder
9. She Sleeps with Danger
10. Orphaning Joshua
11. Judicial Indiscretion
12. He Never Knew Her Name
13. Like Father, Like Santa
14. Moment of Truth: Justice for Annie
15. Raising Waylon
16. When the Clock Slowed
17. Seduced by Madness
18. A Decent Proposal
19. An Uncle for Christmas
20. The Babysitter's Seduction

J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!

Despite the general apathy towards sports displayed by most members of Solipsist Nation, we wish to offer today's column in praise of the New York Jets. The perennial underdogs, semi-affectionately nicknamed "Gang Green" by jaded New Yorkers, are only one win away from the Super Bowl after beating the San Diego Chargers today, 17-14. They weren't supposed to be here, but here they are. And now, they have to face the Indianapolis Colts. Auspicious! The Jets' only Super Bowl appearance came against the Colts (when they were in Baltimore). At that time, too, they were massive underdogs led by a hotshot young quarterback. And against all odds, they won.

1969 was a good year. The Jets won it all. So did the Mets. And it was in October of that year that Your Not So Humble Correspondent was born. Hm. . . .October. . . . Nine months after the Jets won the Super Bowl. . . .

Oh dear God!