Overdrafted

 Accidentally tuned in to coverage of the 973rd round of the 2021 NFL draft:

“So, Tom, tell us about the 972nd round. Who do you think made the best pick?”

“Well, Dave, I think Atlanta caught lightning in a bottle with their pick of Shawn McAtee out of University College. I mean, McAtee’s not the biggest player. . .Not the strongest . . . He’s not the fastest guy you’ll ever see. . . Not the smartest. . . Kind of flabby. . .  Really not what you’d call a ‘good’ football player. . . . But I really think the Falcons might have something special there. . .”

*****

Where do football teams find punters, anyway? I mean, you never hear much buzz around the top college punters entering the draft. I certainly can’t remember ever seeing a team draft a punter. In fairness, that’s partially because I’ve never actually watched the NFL draft, but I can’t shake the feeling that even seasoned draft enthusiasts would be hard-pressed to recall the selection of a punter. The drafting of a punter is like a baby squirrel: You know such things must exist, but you’re never actually going to witness them.

Margins

Super Bowl Seven-Squared quantified the previously unquantifiable. To wit, the difference between monumental genius and sublime idiocy.  Turns out, it's about three inches.

The Seattle Seahawks' final play of the 2015 Super Bowl was surely a high (low?) point in the annals of sports ignominy.  If you missed the game. . . what are you?  Some kind of communist?!?

For the rest, you will recall that the Seahawks, down by four points with about 30 seconds to play, found themselves at the Patriots' one-yard line in a second-and-goal situation.  Anyone following the game at all knew what was coming next: Marshawn Lynch, arguably the best running back in the NFL, a nigh unstoppable tank of a man, would tear through the defense for the go-ahead touchdown.  A no-brainer.  Instead, however, the next play saw quarterback Russell Wilson drop back and throw a pass that was intercepted by previously unheralded New England defender Malcolm Butler.  Game over.  Patriots win.

In the 48 hours or so since that play, Seahawks coach Pete Carroll has come under fire for his inexplicable decision to have Wilson throw the ball in that situation.  Considering the stakes--the end of the road for Seattle's quest for back-to-back championships--this play has justly been called one of the worst--if not the absolute worst--ever called.  But let's be clear about one thing: The only reason the coach is being vilified is because the play didn't work.

I think the call was a mistake, too, but let's be fair: Russell Wilson didn't make a terrible throw.  The ball was actually thrown right to the hands of the intended receiver, Jerome Kearse.  Sure the ball was a scooch too far for the receiver to grasp firmly, but if Wilson throws the ball even another two or three inches to the right, Kearse probably makes the catch, and sheer momentum carries him into the end-zone for the winning score.  In this alternate universe, Pete Carroll becomes, if not "brilliant," at least "gutsy": We would then be reading about how Carroll outfoxed the Patriots, who were almost definitely expecting a Lynch run.  And the contrarian viewpoints would belong to the handful of people who lamented the fact that an "idiotic" call somehow worked out.

In fact, Carroll could (although he hasn't, exactly) even now defend himself by saying that the sheer "stupidity" of the call was designed to catch the defense off guard.  If everybody "knows" you're going to employ a certain strategy, then shouldn't that, theoretically, be the one strategy you shouldn't employ?

As I say, I think Carroll made a mistake; he should have stuck with the conventional game plan. Predictable or not, in that situation, you play the percentages.  If you lose the game because the Patriots somehow manage to stop Lynch three times at the goal line, you tip your hat to the defense.  Which, I guess, is what we're doing anyway: Butler made a spectacular play.  But keep in mind that this Platonic ideal of a moronic play was only a fingertip away from being an example of sheer genius.

Can I Sell Pay-Per-View Tickets to Michael Sam Vs. Richie Incognito?

Reading the ongoing coverage of the scandal in the Miami Dolphins locker room, I find myself struggling to maintain a politically correct attitude.  For those of you unfamiliar with the situation, you really need to read the papers more.  But here's what happened:

Last October, Jonathan Martin, an offensive tackle for the Dolphins, abruptly left the team, claiming that ongoing taunting by his teammates, chief among them Richie Incognito, had become intolerable. Incognito was subsequently suspended indefinitely from the team, and, when Martin's accusations went public, a spate of handwringing about the bullying, homophobic culture in NFL locker rooms ensued. Yesterday, a report commissioned by the NFL described the situation as a "classic case of bullying."

Now, let me stipulate: From everything I have read and seen, it seems Richie Incognito is a class-A schmuck, an asshole of epic proportions, and someone who could benefit from nothing so much as a swift punch to the face.  That being said, am I alone in wishing that, rather than leaving the team, Jonathan Martin had administered said swift punch?

And while Incognito and others certainly are bullies, I'm not completely convinced that Martin was bullied.  Because, look: What do people say to bullies when trying to get them to change their obnoxious ways: "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"  Well, when it comes to Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin, that is exactly what Incognito did!  Jonathan Martin, for all his apparent sensitivity, was hardly defenseless: He was no 98-pound weakling--much less a place-kicker!  He was, in fact, quite literally the same size as his tormentor: 6'5" and 312 pounds, compared to Incognito's 6'3 and 319.  If Martin had, in response to Incognito's torments, reared back and clocked Incognito, does anyone doubt that the bullying would very likely have stopped?  Moreover, the bullying of other people in the locker room, including an assistant trainer who was certainly less able to defend himself than Martin, might have diminished as well.

Should someone have to put up with incessant taunting at one's workplace?  No.  But Jonathan Martin chose to accept a generous salary to play a sport that is inherently violent and filled with players not exactly known for their emotional maturity.  I don't excuse Richie Incognito's behavior, and I think it would be great if NFL locker rooms were less hostile places to work.  But in addition to sensitivity training for the more Neanderthal members of the NFL family, a great way for the culture to change would be for everybody to remember the standard advice--or at least what used to be the standard advice--about dealing with bullies: If you stand up to a bully, he will often back down.

And if Michael Sam--the NFL prospect who just came out as gay--finds himself in a locker room with Richie Incognito, is there anyone who thinks Sam will back down or leave the team in the face of homophobic taunts?

Ready for Some Football, But Not Ready for THAT

I've watched "Thursday Night Football" a few times this season, but I guess, before tonight, I had never caught the opening.  It features someone named Priyanka Chopra singing a song called "In My City":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IQCjqTZQLo

I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss Hank Williams, Jr.
\

Monday Miscellany

You've probably heard about the deadly train crash that occurred on New York's Metro-North line yesterday morning, killing four people and injuring dozens more.  I actually rode that train line every day for about two and a half years in the mid-90's.  I am, in retrospect, terrified to think about all the days I dozed in my seat as the train careened through "one of the sharpest curves in the Metro-North system."  Ah, the uneasy nostalgia of bullets dodged!

************************************
On a lighter note, doesn't the sport of football have enough of a problem with subliminal homoeroticism without the announcers talking about how Seattle has "great backside penetration"?

Deep, Insightful Sports Analysis

From an article in today's Times, explaining why the New York Giants have struggled so much over the last twelve months:

"The Giants had a third-down conversation rate of 40.6 percent last season, but in their final two losses of 2012 that rate dropped to 30 percent. This season it is 34.7 percent. . . ."

Now, I don't claim great knowledge of football strategy, but if the Giants are engaging in conversations with the opposing teams on 40% of their third downs--instead of trying to move the football down the field--I think I know why they're having so much trouble!

. . .And Then I'd Get Punched in the Nose by a Place-Kicker

Football teams have three basic personnel units: offense, defense, and special teams.  Even to the uninitiated, "offense" and "defense" are fairly self-explanatory.  The simple way to think of "special teams" is that group of players who take the field whenever kicking is involved.  I've always thought there was something mildly derogatory about the term "special teams"--I associate it with things like "special education" and the like--and I often wonder if the other players make fun of members of the "special teams" squad.  'Cause, you know, I would.

I Need a New Hobby

My fantasy fantasy football team sucks this year.  I don't know what Pigskinablanket13 is thinking half the time: He has, like, NO offensive linemen, and he keeps stocking up on punters!  And don't even get me started on Backandfourthdown!  Hey, Backy, trade Josh Freeman, already!  If the Bucs can do it, so can you!  I know, I know: It's my own fault.  I hang on to fantasy footballers way too long.  I hear everyone telling me that GridironGreta is past her prime, but I just have a feeling that she's got one or two good weekends left in her.  However, if anyone out there is interested, I will at this point trade SidelineusAndLucy for, like, a stick of gum.  What kind of a stupid name is that, anyway?

What's in a Name?

President Obama has declared himself "concerned" over the Washington NFL franchise's continued use of the name "Redskins"--thus presumably ensuring that the name will never be changed.

I don't know how I feel about the whole controversy surrounding the politically incorrect nickname.  Actually, that's not true.  I know exactly how I feel: I don't care.  I have far bigger things to worry about than whether or not the name "Redskins" offends Native Americans.  The Giants are 0-5 for God's sake!  Still and all, these are exactly the kinds of issues--fundamentally meaningless, yet rife with the potential for manufactured outrage--that scream out for saturation blogging.  So here goes.

I suppose I can understand the source of the offense, assuming that calling a Native American a "redskin" would be the equivalent of calling an African-American the 'N'-word.  (Amazing that I can't even bring myself to type that word, even in a discussion about racial epithets.)  And of course, Native Americans and others would point out--rightly--that no sports team would ever dare to call themselves (please excuse the expression) the "Little Rock Niggers" or the like.  But the reason that no team would adopt that name has as much to do with the history of the word as it does with any rational calculation of political correctness--or of human decency.  What does the N-word connote, after all, other than a history of oppression?

By contrast, when sports teams adopt nicknames, they often adopt names that connote strength or power (e.g., Lions, Tigers, Bears, oh my!).  "Redskins" is just another example of this, as are other team names that reference Native American attributes (not to say clichés): the Atlanta Braves, the Cleveland Indians, the Chicago Blackhawks.  These teams chose those names because the teams felt they conveyed an image of strength, nobility, fearlessness.  Is this an insult?

Critics would point out that the names also convey the sense of Native-American-as-savage--noble or otherwise.  Or, indeed, that my explanation itself points to a fundamental problem: Teams name themselves after animals, and so by adopting Native American names, the teams implicitly equate Native Americans with animals.  I don't think this is the case, though: Unless such naming rituals also "animalize" 49'ers or Spartans or Trojans.  Hm.  Maybe it's only acceptable to name a team after a group of people if those people no longer exist?  Note to self: I can name my expansion minor-league field-hockey team the Berkeley Visigoths!

The Washington Redskins organization can obviously do whatever it wants with its name.  I take the team at its word when its officials assure us that they mean no offense.  And I respect the argument that the team has been the "Redskins" since 1932; there's history there!  But of course, there's history on the side of Native American groups, too, and respecting that history might pay off in more ways than one.

Heck, the Tampa Bay baseball team was the laughingstock of the Major Leagues until, after the 2007 season, they changed their name from "Devil Rays" to the less-infernal sounding "Rays."  A cosmetic change?  Perhaps.  But the team made it all the way to the World Series in 2008.  Maybe a little good karma goes a long way.

Just Another Day at Solipsist Central: NFL Edition

WOS: Who's playing?

SOL: Indianapolis and Miami.

WOS: Who are we rooting for? Miami?

SOL: Well, Miami is kind of a Jets rival, so I guess I'm rooting for Indianapolis.

WOS: I think I'd prefer Miami.

SOL: But, ACOS lives in Florida and is a Dolphins fan!

WOS: So? You don't like ACOS?

SOL: Of course, I like ACOS! I just want him to be miserable!

WOS: That doesn't make sense.

SOL: You know! Don't you always want your cousins to be miserable?

WOS: No.

SOL: You don't?

WOS: Of course not!

SOL: You're such a girl!

WOS: Men are stupid.


SOL: What's your point?

Opening Day Thoughts

A few random thoughts on this, the first full day of the 2013 NFL season:

--Watched the Raiders-Colts game.  The Raiders lost, as one would expect, but they displayed some promise.  I must say, I was impressed by Oakland quarterback Terrelle Pryor: Yes, he threw a game-ending interception, but he also fairly shredded the Indianapolis run defense.  Who knows?  Maybe the Raiders will be watchable this year.

--Kansas City beat Jacksonville 28-2.  Somehow, I think that '2' is even more embarrassing than a shutout would have been.

--The Jets won!  OK, they won as a more or less direct result of a ticky-tack penalty being called on Tampa Bay in the final minutes--BUT THEY WON!  And, hey, if we're going to start complaining about the Jets winning only due to another team's incompetence, well then we're just going to have to complain about, like, every Jets win in the history of ever!

--Dear Eli: Throw to the guys in BLUE shirts!

To The Victors Go the Spoils

Did you know that the winner of the America's Cup gets to set the rules for the competition the next time it takes place?  Well, of course you didn't!  Why would you?  My guess is that no more than about, say, one percent of the population follows yachting's premiere event.  And leave it to a "sport" tailor-made for the richest of the rich to embrace a rule whereby the rich, in effect, get richer.  Still, when they heard about this, the champions in other major sports--who, let's face it, are also members of the ultra-rich--thought it was a great idea, and they have all proposed certain rules changes of their own.

The San Francisco Giants have introduced the following adjustments to the standard baseball rules for this season.  For their home games, Giants players will have the option to use either standard wood bats or bats made out of aluminum.  Visiting teams will be required to bat with whatever loose chunks of concrete and rebar may be found around AT&T Park.  Additionally, the Giants will play all 162 games at home.

The Super-Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens have required all opposing players, in the interest of safety, to encase themselves in large blocks of memory foam.  Furthermore, Raven field goals will be worth seven points, and, in order to earn seven points for a touchdown, players on visiting teams must, after reaching the end-zone, recite from memory a Shakespearean sonnet (of Joe Flacco's choosing) in Maori.

The Miami Heat have declared that, for the finals, the San Antonio Spurs must field a team composed only of native-born American citizens, thus disqualifying Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, and Tony Parker.  Duncan may receive dispensation to play, however, if and only if he agrees to wear wooden shoes, in keeping with the traditions of the Virgin Islands' colonial history.

Speaking of beating up on the Dutch, the 2010 World Cup champions, Spain, have decided that they will just use their hands from now on, 'cause, let's face it, that was always a stupid rule anyway.

Finally, in defense of his 2012 US Open golf championship, Webb Simpson has declared that only players with stupid first names be allowed to compete.  Many commentators feel this was a flawed strategy, as either "Tiger" or "Eldrick" certainly qualify.

Hail Mary or Hail Barack?

Though it has apparently--and to my mind inexplicably--been removed, for a brief while this morning, a petition appeared on the White House's "We the People" site, imploring President Obama to order the Jacksonville Jaguars to sign quarterback Tim Tebow, recently released by the New York Jets.  As a college player, Tebow starred for the University of Florida, and he remains an idolized figure in the area, despite what can charitably be referred to as a mediocre professional career.  A couple of thoughts:

Tim Tebow's tremendous popularity is due not only--or even primarily--to his gridiron success, which peaked around 2006 anyway.  Rather, he is beloved of a certain highly vocal subset of the American populace, to wit, evangelical Christians.  Indeed, during the heyday of Tebowmania, fans across the nation made a fad of "Tebowing"--a prayerful attitude involving kneeling and  bowing one's head in one's fist.  I'd be, therefore, that the organizers of the petition, as well as many of the signatories, are members of the Christian Right--the same people, in other words, who often accuse President Obama of being a godless socialist, to say nothing of a despot in sheep's clothing who is only biding his time until he can implement his plans for world domination.  I'm glad to see, therefore, that these folks can set aside their fears of President Obama seizing control of private industry when it comes to asking him to interfere with this particular private business decision.  (Of course, the owner of the Jaguars is one Shad Khan, so he probably doesn't much appreciate good Christian values either.)

Also, if Tim Tebow is in such good graces with the Almighty, why does he need President Obama to get involved?  Couldn't God Himself just get Khan to bring Tebow to Jacksonville?  Is Obama more powerful than God?  Be careful, Tebow fans: We non-believers are likely to take the wrong message from your passionate appeals to worldly authority. 

Just Another Day at Solipsist Central--Super Bowl Edition

WOS: Do you have work to do today?

SOL: A little.  I want to get it done soon.  It is Super Bowl Sunday, you know.

WOS: Oh, really?  Cool!

SOL: "Cool"?  Do you even know who's playing?

WOS: Yes! Yes, I do, Mr. Smartass.  The 49'ers and. . . uh. . . Wait, I know this. . . . Um. . .  (SOL begins flapping his arms.)  Um. . . Hm.

SOL: (Still flapping arms) SCRA-AAA-AAA-AWK!

WOS: The Chickens?

SOL: The Chi--  SCRA-AAA-AAA-AWK!!!!

WOS: The Roosters?!?

SOL: (Making a menacing face as he flaps his arms) SCRAA-AAAAAAAAAA-AWWWWWK!!! SCRAAA-AAAAAAAAA-AWWWWK!!!!

WOS: Um. . .The. . . Hawks?

SOL: (Croaking) NE-VER-MOOOORRRE!

WOS: The. . .Crows?

SOL: WHAT?!?

WOS: Oh, I mean, the Ravens!

SOL: "Quoth the CROW, 'Nevermore'"?!?

WOS: Shut up! Leave me alone! I just woke up!  Just for that, we're watching the Puppy Bowl on the bigscreen! You can go watch the game in your mancave!

SOL: (Muttering) Yeah, like that wasn't going to happen anyway.

WOS: What?

SOL: Nothing.

**************************
I don't really have a dog in this year's fight.  I live in the Bay Area, so I guess I'm nominally rooting for the 49'ers.  If I had to bet, though, I think I might actually go with Baltimore.  Here's the interesting thing, though: In a game featuring San Francisco and Baltimore, if you had to guess which team has gotten tons of press for recent anti-gay sentiment, and which has become known for its players' support of gay rights and marriage equality. . .  Well, let's just say, you'd be wrong.

Still, go Niners.

All Hail the Weekend Warrior

Today was "Championship Sunday" in the NFL--the day the conference championships would decide which two teams will compete in the Super Bowl in two weeks.  Across the country, millions of people sat largely motionless, not counting occasional trips to stock up on greasy, fat laden snacks and/or frosty adult beverages.  I found it ironic, therefore, that the lead article in the sports section of today's Times was a feature taking a critical view of men participating in--as opposed to passively absorbing--football.

"Alumni football" games are becoming increasingly popular.  As the name implies, these games allow former high-school players of all ages to relive their glory days (or not, as the case may be).  Under the auspices of such organizers as Alumni Football USA, games between old high school rivals can be organized.  Often times, these games raise money for local chairities, in addition to providing aging athletes the opportunity to "have some fun and hit people."  Today's article, however, dwelt primarily on the injury risks incurred by weekend warriors who may too hastily throw themselves into full-contact games.

Now, I will acknowledge that a middle-aged man in typical middle-aged-man shape might be taking a foolhardy risk trying to tackle someone half his age--to say nothing of being tackled by same.  On the other hand, COME ON!

Look, we're not talking about pee-wee football players exposed to concussions because of overachieving parents trying to live vicariously through their offspring.  These are grown men who obviously love playing football and are more than aware of the risks involved.  Sure, they could get hurt.  One especially unlucky participant suffered a (non-fatal) heart attack; but he could have suffered a heart attack mowing the lawn, too--or choked on a Cheez Doodle while watching the games on TV!  Which do you suppose he preferred?

There are plenty of things to fear in the world today, and sensible precautions should always be taken.  But if a personal cost-benefit analysis leads people to take a small personal risk in the pursuit of a greater personal pleasure, more power to them.  And for those who took today to relive the glory of their high-school playing days, may I just say: It's the Niners against Baltimore in the Super Bowl.

Yes, Yes: Too Soon

Two weeks ago, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher horrified the NFL--and society in general--when he committed suicide in front of his coach shortly after he murdered his girlfriend.  A few days later, the hapless Chiefs, who had one win to that point in the season, notched an inspiring victory over the Carolina Panthers at Arrowhead Stadium.

Last week, Jerry Brown, a practice-squad linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys was killed when his teammate, driving under the influence, crashed the car in which Brown was a passenger.  A day later, the Cowboys defeated the Cincinnati Bengals in an emotion-filled game.

Right now, if I'm a mid-level defensive player for a team in desperate need of an inspirational win, I'm being EXTRA careful and watching my back.  Tampa Bay Buccaneer Najee Goode?  I'm talking to you!

Mens Perversa in Corpore Sano

Sunday mornings are for The New York Times, but it's a bit jarring when the first stories one reads feature a steady stream of murder, rape, drug abuse, and robbery sprees.  Even more jarring is the fact that I always begin with the sports section.

I am constantly justifying my enthusiasm for sports, unshared by many in my extended circle of friends and family, many of whom are musical-theatre snobs or pseudo-intellectuals or both.  They look down on sports as the preserve of insufficiently evolved alpha males (and a few alpha females), undeserving of the attention (and certainly the money) lavished upon it.  I counter with an argument that sports (and maybe politics) provide the only dependable sources of actual narrative excitement.  Each game provides a classic plot: beginning, middle, and end.  And whereas movies and television shows, no matter how well done, are fundamentally predictable--except "Breaking Bad," but I digress--sports constantly surprise.  No matter how heavily favored one team is, the games still must be played, and the underdogs occasionally triumph.

So it's depressing when the front page of the Sunday sports pages are dominated by stories of a Kansas City Chiefs linebacker killing himself after shooting his girlfriend to death; of the prevalence of Adderall as a new performance-enhancer of choice among NFL players; of a quartet of Rugers University basketball players busted for a series of dormitory robberies.  In what passes for an "uplifting" story, Kathy Redmond, has devoted her life to combating the culture of sexual abuse that exists among collegiate athletes--a commitment she developed in response to her own rape at the hands of a Nebraska football player in the early 90's.

I'm not likely to abandon an enthusiasm for sports any time soon.  But the constant drumbeat of crime and depravity is disheartening.  True, I'm not a child, and I have no need of athletic heroes to look up to, but wouldn't it be nice to know that at least a FEW of these guys were worthy of such admiration?  That some are blessed with gifts of character to match their obvious physical gifts?

I'm sure some are.  It's sad, though, when reading about, say, Robert Griffin III--by all accounts a delightful human being as well as a spectacular athlete--to find oneself wondering how long it'll be before we discover he's running a child-prostitution ring in Malaysia.  Many times bitten, many times shy.

Thursday Trendwatch, Veterans' Day Edition

10. TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE
Why it's trending: As FOS used to say, I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count. . . . Right! A solar eclipse is on the way.  Tuesday, at 12:30 PM Pacific, our old pal the sun will find itself completely occluded by the moon.  Chances are, unless you're a dolphin, you won't see it live, as the path of coolness (official astronomical term, by the way) lies mostly over the Pacific.  Perhaps more interesting: Apparently, total solar eclipses look just like big blocks of cheddar cheese:



 



9. MIKE LEACH
Why he's trending: The Washington State football coach has denied abusing his players.The accusations came from Leach's star receiver, Marques Wilson, who spoke of physical and verbal abuse, but declined to provide specifics.  When pressed, Leach acknowledged that practices could get a little rough, but that all players could at any time invoke the "safe word" ('diphthong').

8. DENISE RICHARDS
Why she's trending: In an effort to "do her part" after Hurricane Sandy, she adopted a puppy.  Why she chose to adopt a puppy from Nebraske, I have no idea.

No, no, no: The puppy was from Long Island, and the celebrity wanted to promote animal adoptions, especially of pets displaced by the storm (I think Richards is the one on the right).  Thousands of Staten Islanders who still have only sporadic electricity service applauded Richards' selflessness.

7. DEREK DOOLEY
Why he's trending: Wasn't that the name of Mark Wahlberg's character from "Boogie Nights"?  Anyway, Dooley is the football coach at the University of Tennessee, and he might or might not be on the verge of getting fired.  If he IS fired, though, I think he should move to Canada and become a Mountie.  He's got the perfect name for it.

6. KAT VON D
Why she's trending: Apparently, she and something called "Deadmau5" are no longer dating.  I wonder if she had tattooed--I'll say "his"--name on her--I'll say arm.

5. ASTHMA
Why it's trending: A Danish study has linked acetaminophen (Tylenol) use in infancy to the development of asthma in pre-schoolers.  In other news, a study sponsored by Tylenol has linked the intake of Danish to being fat.
4. MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Why it's trending: Because it would be stupid for it to be trending on Thursday!  Tonight's game features the Kansas City Chiefs against the Pittsburgh Steelers.  To be sporting, the Steelers have agreed to play with only nine men on defense.  They are still 19 point favorites.

3. FIRST NFL TIE SINCE 2008
Why it's trending: Yesterday, the San Francisco 49ers played the St. Louis Rams to a 24-24 tie.  For those not familiar with NFL rules: In a regular-season game, if neither team is ahead after one overtime period, the game officially ends in a tie.  As you can see, this happens quite rarely.  I suppose a team would rather have a tie than suffer a loss.  Frankly, though, if I had gone to that game and paid good money, I'd want a refund.  Look, if I want to see something with an indeterminate endings, I'll just stay home and watch DVD's of  "Lost."

2. MCAFEE MURDER
Why it's trending: John McAfee--of antivirus software fame--is being sought for questioning by police in Belize in connection with the death of McAfee's neighbor, Gregory Viant Faull.  Faull was found dead of a gunshot wound to the head this weekend.  McAfee is described as a "person of interest," not a suspect.  Rumors of extensive high-fiving at Norton are unconfirmed.
And the top-trending story at this moment on the space-time continuum. . .

1. TEXAS SECESSION
Why it's trending: Over 25,000 people have signed a petition requesting that Texas be allowed to "peacefully secede" from the United States.  No word on what percentage of those signatures came from outside Texas.

A Day Off

Between the New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants, I have neither the time nor focus to do much right now in the way of writing.  Instead, here's an article from Times columnist Thomas L. Friedman, who took the week off from pontificating about all-things-globalized to offer some relevant points on the seemingly endless stream of GOP outrages to common sense and decency.  Worth a read.  Go Giants!

. . .Or He Could Just Aim for the Dark Shirts

In light of the fact that I have spent all day today reading and commenting upon student papers, I will limit today's post to a simple plea for Jets' quarterback Mark Sanchez to seek immediate treatment for his colorblindness.  GREEN jerseys, Mark!  GREEN!!!