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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Introducing "Mr. Irrelevant"

Since you'll be wanting the Solipsist's thoughts on the latest economic news--that several big banks are being allowed to repay their government bailouts--here it is.  We're in favor of it.

Look, if you lend money to someone, don't you want to get it back?  And if you get it back early, isn't that a good thing?  Sure, you might forego some interest, but that's not a consideration here.  The big worry now is that the government will lose leverage over the financial titans if said financial titans no longer hold government funds.  A realistic concern.  The solution, of course, so simple that we're sure no one in the government has considered it, is just to say to the Morgan Stanleys and Goldman Sachses and Banks of America the following:

"Great.  Your debts are paid; you can go right on back to doing what it is you do so. . . 'well' seems like the wrong word, but there it is.  However, once you repay this money, we're done.  You get into trouble again, you're on your own."

Too big to fail?  No such thing.

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In April, the National Football League holds its college draft.  During this two-day, 7-round affair, the 30-odd NFL teams replenish their rosters with fresh collegiate meat.  Most of the attention, understandably, is given to the number-one pick and the rest of the first round draftees; these are the players expected to make immediate and/or long-lasting impact.  There is, however, a special designation for the last player selected: "Mr. Irrelevant."  The final player selected in the final round (256th overall) is generally not expected to make a huge difference--often he never even makes the pro team.  Still, for all his relative obscurity, Mr. Irrelevant is drafted; he can reasonably claim that, of thousands of college football players, he is better than all but 255 of them.  (In case you're interested, this year's Mr. Irrelevant was Ryan Succop, a kicker from South Carolina, selected by the Kansas City Chiefs.)

We thought about Mr. Irrelevant as we were perusing this morning's New York Times.  For you non-New Yorkers, a word about how the front page is organized:

The top story is placed in the upper-right hand corner, "above the fold."  (Today it was the story referenced above, about large banks being allowed to repay TARP funds.)  Two or three other major stories also appear above the fold.  Below the fold, you have another 2-3 stories that the editors consider major (today, for example, there is a piece about increasing college costs).  Finally, at the bottom of the page are some headlines of articles with one-sentence summaries.  These, presumably, are articles that the editors think you should pay attention to, but which are not considered important enough for full-blown front-page treatment.

Here at The Solipsist, we want to bring our readers all the news they need to go about their days feeling smugly well-informed.  Since we are over-opinionated jerks, we are all too happy to comment on the day's top stories.  However, it occurred to us that you Sloppists, well-read, educated, and damn good-looking folks that you are, are probably already reasonably well-informed about the page-one-above-the-fold stories.  But what about that last headline stuck onto the bottom of page one?  What about "Mr. Irrelevant"?

So, today begins a new feature, "The Mr. Irrelevant News Story of the Day."  We will provide a summary of a story to which you might not have paid attention, but which is obviously important enough for our national paper of record to spotlight (however minimally).  For purposes of comparison (and often in the interest of irony), we will also feature headlines of (and links to) several "undrafted" stories, i.e., articles that were not considered as important as "Mr. Irrelevant."  We hope you find this useful.

Mr. Irrelevant News Story of the Day


Mark Bittman, a food columnist for the Times, tells us about how he eats fish.  We were pleased to hear he has concerns about overfishing and the questionable environmental and nutritional value of aquaculture (i.e., fish-farming).  He encourages people who love fish (and those subjected to those people's dietary preferences) to think carefully about a fishie's provenance and perhaps to cut down on fish-eating in general.  As in all things, moderation in the consumption of orange roughy is probably a good idea.  (For the time being, however, you can apparently gorge yourself on mackerel and herring.)

"Undrafted" Stories:




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