Check out the picture on the front page of the New York Times, from an article about the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston:
Looks like cancer is the new Beatles.
Also, we want to provide a heads up to Sloppist Nation about another front-page article: "H1N1 Widespread in 46 States as Vaccines Lag." The headline in the print edition is more alarming, "Obama Declares Swine Flu Outbreak a National Emergency."
Scary, right? Don't panic. The presidential declaration of an "emergency" is more of a technical, legal measure than a statement of objective fact. By declaring an "emergency," the President has empowered hospitals and local governments to take certain measures--like setting up alternate treatment sites and triage centers--if they become overwhelmed with swine flu patients. Note the "if"; this hasn't happened yet. In other words, this is what is known to rational people as a precautionary measure.
We point this out (a) to reassure Sloppists that they are in no more danger of contracting swine flu today than they were yesterday and (b) to gird Sloppists for the inevitable:
Dick Cheney: This is just further evidence of President Obama's limp-wristed, liberal attitude toward public health. His willingness to surrender to H1N1 emblematizes his approach to national security. No doubt if the President has his way, Al Qaeda will be put in charge of the immunization efforts!
Rush Limbaugh: Comrade Obama yesterday declared a "Swine Flu Emergency." Folks, this is just one more example of the lengths the White House, along with Nancy Pelosiskaya and Harry Reidovich's politburo, will go to slip us a dose of socialized medicine.
Glenn Beck: (Weeping) America, we must defend ourselves against Obama's swine flu epidemic the way the Founding Fathers intended! With guns!
Sarah Palin: Gee willikers! We never had a swine flu emergency when Republicans were in charge! Where did this come from, anyway? China? I can see China from my bathroom window! I could have told Barack and Joe that this was coming.
Be prepared.
Lololol!!! Truth is always funny. Does this mean that the 17 hours I spent sealing the doors and windows, stocking up on canned goods and antibiotics, was in vain? Damn! I was hoping I wasn't gonna have to share all the Holloween candy! Oh, and should I take down the sign on my front door that says "No grandkids or Jehovahs Witnesses allowed?"
ReplyDelete