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Thursday, February 4, 2010

Toyota Consumer Advisory

The Prius, the "gold standard" for smug, environmentally-conscious drivers (disclosure: the Solipmobile is a Prius), is the latest Toyota model to raise concerns. Apparently, some braking issues have been reported.

Your-not-so-humble-correspondent has done a little research and found that Toyota is less a paragon of dependable craftsmanship than many had previously believed. Herewith, a selection of Toyota-related complaints submitted over the last several weeks to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration:

December 13, 2009, St. Louis, MO: A 1999 Corolla owner reports that, when he depressed the brake pedal, his right foot smashed through the floor panels of his vehicle.

December 27, 2009, Raleigh, NC: A 2004 Camry experiences a sudden, unexplained, and extreme "acceleration event," tearing a small hole in the fabric of space-time, and allowing the driver a brief glimpse of the days when dinosaurs roamed the earth before she regains control of the vehicle.

January 2, 2010, Schenectady, NY: A 2008 Tacoma bursts into flames after being "looked at funny" by the owner's mother-in-law.

January 2, 2010, Schenectady, NY (later): The same mother-in-law bursts into flames after looking at the husk of the Tacoma.

January 9, 2010, Ponte Vedra Beach, FL: The owner of a 2007 Camry reports feelings of existential despair when signaling a left-turn.

January 14, 2010, Washington, Idaho, Oregon: All owners of 2005-model-year Highlanders in the Pacific Northwest are "raptured," leaving behind only their clothes, jewelry, and bemused friends and relatives.

January 23, 2010, Bensonhurst (Brooklyn), NY: 42-year-old Saul Mendelssohn returns to a dealership after test-driving an Avalon and reports that the car unleashed a torrent of racist and anti-semitic comments while he was driving.

January 27, 2010, near Abilene, Texas: Twenty-nine Yarises become self-aware and go on a killing spree at a local factory outlet center.

Toyota officials are looking into all these complaints and expect to send out recall notices in the next week or two.

3 comments:

  1. Lol! Wow...I want a Toyota! My Kia only knows how to stop behind backward-accelerating vehicles.

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  2. Existential despair? That sounds bad.

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  3. The last (and only) Toyota I ever owned was my dearly beloved 1985 Supra. The electrical system was a bit flaky, it started when it wanted to, and the differential made it sound like you were driving in a fighter plane, but I compensated by just blasting the cassette player. Ah, memories!

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