Thanks for stopping by! If you like what you read, tell your friends! If you don't like what you read, tell your enemies! Either way, please post a comment, even if it's just to tell us how much we suck! (We're really needy!) You can even follow us @JasonBerner! Or don't! See if we care!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

For Middle-Eastern Youth Rebellions, Zinc May Be Most Effective Cure

A consortium of leading Middle Eastern political theorists and virologists has concluded that zinc may hold the key to suppressing a regional epidemic of youthful political activism. While not ready to proclaim the discovery of a cure for the common discontent of the body politic, researchers are confident that healthy doses of zinc reduce the length and severity of civil disobedience.

A sweeping review of the socio-politico-medical research shows that Middle-Eastern autocrats may have alternatives to the standard therapeutic arsenal of secret police, armed goons, and secret detention centers. "We've found that zinc, administered in large enough doses, tends to minimize the virulence of political discontent in even the most radical members of the civilian population." said Dr. Hami Rachid Rabinowitz of the Center for Political Epidemiology at the University of the Sand in Djibouti.

When asked about the recommended dosage, Dr. Rabinowitz explained, "The recommended daily allowance of zinc for a typical adult is 15 milligrams. We have found that stubborn pockets of insurgency can effectively be snuffed out with a simple doubling of that amount to 30 milligrams. It's particularly effective when delivered by water cannon."

(Disclaimer: The Solipsist is still a little muzzy-headed from the TheraFlu. We may have gotten some of our facts jumbled.)

"For Cold Virus, Zinc May Edge Out Even Chicken Soup"

1 comment:

  1. The water canon may really be the key ingredient. Glad to see you're still with us.