According to a government report released yesterday, the following items cause or may cause cancer: formaldehyde, styrene, aristolochic acids, captafol, finely spun glass wool fibers, cobalt-tungsten carbide, riddelliine, and ortho-nitrotoluene.
Additionally, rheumatoid arthritis may be caused by naphthalene, atrapine, tangerines, and excessive weeping.
Kentucky-grown cotton and puffins have been linked to diphtheria.
Doubling one's intake of risotto in white wine sauce may reduce one's risk of whooping cough by more than 87%; however, it also increases the probability that one will contract "Arkansas Knee."
Radon leads to excessive hair-growth in people of Mauritanian descent.
Zinc oxide has been conclusively linked with night-giggles; its effect may be countered by daily infusions of eel placenta.
Reading the newspaper can lead to weary resignation.
Oh, yeah?!?! Well, formaldehyde is used in embalming! And out of the millions... EACH YEAR... who have their ENTIRE BLOOD STREAM REPLACED BY FORMALDEHYDE... there has never been ONE SINGLE CASE OF NEW CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteExplain THAT mr. "Science".