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Monday, July 4, 2011

No-Good Do-Gooders!

If there's one thing we can't stand, it's brussels sprouts. But if there are TWO things we can't stand, they would be brussels sprouts and stealth-marketing for controversial causes. Obviously, private corporations (or at least their board members) have the right to endorse whatever charities or causes they choose. If Domino's Pizza and Wendy's want to contribute to pro-life organizations, if Target wants to donate to anti-same-sex-marriage candidates, if Apple wants to give money to support puppy liquefaction--well, that is their right. All we ask is that they be up front about it. Customers have a right to know about the loathsome causes companies support so as to make informed decisions before patronizing them.

If we had known that Dominos supported pro-life organizations, that wouldn't have stopped us from ordering the double-size portion of Chicken Kickers, but we would have done so with an appropriate amount of self-consciousness.

Yesterday was the last straw. We opened up a refreshing Jones' Fufuberry Soda, and as we brought the sweet, sweet fufu to our lips, we happened to glance at the bottle cap, whereon was printed this:

"You just helped save a child's eyesight. Thank you."


Fuckers! If we had only known. . . . Now the Solipsist is going to be forever linked with the anti-juvenile blindness crowd. We don't even want to think about the mailing lists we just got on!

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