WASHINGTON--At a news conference Friday, an Amtrak spokesman explained that numerous railroad employees, including both senior management and rank-and-file staff, took offense at the continuing usage of the metaphor "train wreck" to describe the failings of the Affordable Care Act (ACA) website.
"Look," said Amtrak spokesman David Walcott, "we here at Amtrak know a thing or two about train wrecks. And using that term to describe the ACA website is just insulting to Amtrak. Even our worst disasters pale in comparison to the complete debacle that is the Obamacare internet portal."
Engineer Mick Gessel, 57, concurred. "I've been with Amtrak for over twenty-five years, so believe me, I'm no stranger to railway catastrophes. I've even helped picked up toes at a couple of crash sites. But none of that can hold a candle to what is happening with healthcare.gov."
Obama administration officials, too, derided the use of the "train wreck" metaphor. "We don't feel that the website rollout is a train wreck, at all," said White House spokesman Jay Carney. Carney, however, declined to answer when asked what lethally catastrophic failure--space shuttle explosion, nuclear plant meltdown, avalanche--could serve as a more apt description of Obamacare.
In other news, an Amtrak Obamacare outside Pittsburgh claimed the lives of 37 people early Saturday morning. Toes were strewn over a five mile area.