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Thursday, January 1, 2015

Country Music Legend Kenny Rogers Killed in Most Ironic Murder Ever

NASHVILLE--Police confirmed that multiple Grammy-Award winning recording artist Kenny Rogers has died after what started as a friendly poker game turned violent.  Nashville detective Arthur Logan, speaking in front of the crime scene, shook his head and said, "It's amazing.  You would think if anyone would have known when to fold 'em, it would have been" Rogers.

Witnesses reported that Rogers was shot twice in the chest by another player who had been consistently losing hands throughout the night.  "Kenny was just getting ready to call it a night," reported Rogers associate Glenn Tisdale.  "He was just walking away."  Tisdale added, after a moment's reflection, "Guess he shoulda run."

The shooter has been identified as Richard "Duff" McElroy, 57, a local hardware salesman with no police record.  As he was being taken into custody, McElroy could be heard shouting, "You gotta understand!  Kenny was counting his money--while he was SITTING AT THE TABLE!  You just don't do that!  You NEVER do that!"

Another Rogers associate, who requested anonymity, concurred.  "I can't excuse what this guy did, but he has a point.  Everyone knows that there'll be plenty of time to count your money when the dealing's done."

Rogers, who was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 2013, was remembered by his fellow artists with a mixture of respect and bewilderment.  Dolly Parton, with whom Rogers collaborated on the 1983 hit "Islands in the Stream," tweeted: "Crushed to hear about death of #KennyRogers. But come on!"

1 comment:

  1. I waited and waited, but no one else did this, so:
    "They've killed Kenny! The Bastards!"