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Friday, February 6, 2009

Dear Mayor Bloomberg:

       "Aides to Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg hopscotch around the world on two Falcon 900 private jets, where wine and sushi are served.
        "They stay at the Four Seasons in London (about $400 a night), the Intercontinental in Paris ($320) and the King David in Jerusalem ($345).  Room service?  The mayor pays for it all.  Even the laundry."
                                  The New York Times, February 6, 2009

Dear Mayor Bloomberg:

Dear, dear, DEAREST Mayor Bloomberg:

The Solipsist would like to humbly offer his services to your re-election campaign for mayor of New York.

Although new to the arena of big-city politics, the Solipsist believes he can be of great use to you.  The Solipsist has his virtual finger on the virtual pulse of Blogger.com.  Why, it's only a matter of time before he's listed in "Blogs of Note."  (In fact, were he hired for your campaign, he is fairly certain it would vault him into this stratospheric position post-haste.)

And yet, while his readership is elite, he is also a tribune of the masses.  See, for example, his blistering post (2/1/09) attacking the self-absorbed Masters of the Universe who ignore the privations of the general public and blow millions on private Falcon Jets!


Make that, please pay no attention to the Solipsist's snarky comments about self-absorbed Masters of the Universe who ignore the privations of the general public and blow millions on private Falcon Jets!  The Solipsist doesn't know what he was thinking!  (But, y'know, if you want to read my blog, take the poll, leave a comment. . . .)

Anyway, as a once-and-ever New Yorker, the Solipsist has been searching for the perfect opportunity to take him home.  Your campaign surely provides such an opportunity.  It combines the Solipsist's love of public service with his love of bathing in yak's milk.  The Solipsist is all about serving the public, especially if it allows him the chance to maintain the lifestyle to which he would like to become accustomed.

The Solipsist will happily provide his resume and references upon request.  Any time.  Seriously, just ask. . . . 

Really, Mayor Bloomberg, the Solipsist needs this!  He's living in a hole!  He's surrounded by taskmasters who chain him to a keyboard and force him to type type type out opinion after opinion.  For God's sake!  There have been posts about Blackberries and Ricardo Montalban!  The Solipsist can't take it any more!

Please, Mayor Bloomberg.  The Solipsist would love to fly in a private jet.  He'll sit in the back and be quiet.  Just hire me, Mayor Bloomberg!  Take me away from this drudgery!

Respectfully yours,

The Solipsist.

(PS: In case he doesn't hear from Michael Bloomberg, the Solipsist would like to ask his loyal readers and the people looking over his shoulder to ignore the above post.  He loves you all.  Truly!)

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