A Place for Everything and Some Things Out of Place

So how about those Oscar picks?  OK, so the Solipsist didn't pick "Slumdog Millionaire," but he was intentionally going with a dark horse.  And, heck, he got all four acting awards right despite having seen nothing but "The Dark Knight."  Any major-leaguer who bats .667 will end up in Cooperstown, right?  (Well, after they drain the steroids from his system, anyway.)

You're welcome!

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Speaking of movies, YNSHC has been struck lately by a recurring theme on the SciFi Network.

Saturday nights, SciFi promotes what it calls "The Most Dangerous Night on Television."  By this they are referring to their 9:00 PM offering, generally a grade-B science-fiction/horror movie.  In addition to the standard fare of aliubs, buntants, zombies, and other science-fictional/supernatural menaces, the movies often launch from a premise of "more-or-less scary things in places where they're not supposed to be":

Sci-Fi logo. . . .

Ominous voice-over: Tonight, a SciFi original movie. . . .

Cut to: Ext., aerial shot, zoom in on a bustling airport terminal

V.O.: It started out like any other vacation. . . .

Cut to: Int., airport terminal, a happy family walks down a busy corridor, carry-on luggage in hand, a young girl skips along, holding a teddy bear.

Young girl: I can't WAIT to get to Disneyland!

Cut to: A group of young, ridiculously attractive men and women with backpacks.

Young Man #1: Dude, this is going to be the best Spring Break ever!

Cut to: A dark storage area, light and shadows, a crate rocks violently back and forth.

V.O.: . . .but nothing could prepare them for what comes next!

Blackout.  Sound of a crash and a roar.

Smash cut to a woman, running, looking back in terror, pursued by something monstrous.  As the camera closes in on her, she screams.

Cut to: Int. Office of Airport Manager.  Slade Pumpman, Airport Security Manager is screaming at a group of men in suits:

Pumpman: Damn it, Frank!  There's a puma loose in the airport!

Rapid sequence of people running, soldiers shooting, an explosion!

SciFi logo again: Pumaport!  Tonight at 9:00 on SciFi, the Most Dangerous Night on Television.

Of course, this genre had its apotheosis with "Snakes on a Plane," but SciFi must be commended for its commitment to the ideal.  Actual titles include "Chupacabra: Dark Seas," in which the legendary goat-sucker of Puerto-Rican myth manages to stow away aboard a cruise ship, as well as the more self-explanatory, "Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York" and "Sharks in Venice."

This got the Solipsist thinking: The possibilities are endless!

"Octopus! Nightmare in Montana."

"Mollusks on a Hammock!"

"Cats on a Boat!"

"Raptors in Memphis!"

"Badgers 3: Desert Terror!"

And for our Jewish readers: "Tref! Cheese on a Hamburger!"

The Solipsist would like to invite his loyal readers to submit their own titles.  Surely, the SciFi network would welcome the suggestions.