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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Boobies! (Toldja We Were Gonna Be Whimsical)

Today the Solipsist had his students draft a movie review.  We first discussed the elements that could be critiqued (e.g., plot, acting, script, etc.).  Then the Solipsist asked the class to work in groups to discuss a movie and come up with some notes toward a review.  In one group, a student was talking about "Watchmen."  His comment: "'Watchmen' was a good movie, but there was too much penis!"

Now THAT's a topic sentence!

So, as promised, the Brassage.

The other day, "Good Morning America" (GMA) featured a report on the "Brassage," a specially designed bra that supposedly massages the lymph nodes, thereby removing toxins from the body and perhaps even helping prevent breast cancer.  When the Solipsist saw this, he figured it had to be good for a couple hundred words.  We'll see.

First, there's something jarring about turning on GMA and being confronted with scenes from a Victoria's Secret runway show (or the like).  Not that there's anything wrong with buxom women in lacy thongs flouncing down a catwalk at any time of day, but one really wants to have one's coffee first, so as to be more fully awake and aware to appreciate it.  At the same time, one almost pities the poor hausfrau (or hausmann, for that matter), who looks to the morning news and talk shows as innocuous background noise for getting the kids ready for school.  All of a sudden, little Johnny, who's in 6th grade and just starting to feel those funny stirrings down there, has stopped eating his Froot Loops and is going to be hungry on the school bus, all because he couldn't take his eyes off the television.  Anyway, the Solipsist is all in favor of healthy breasts, but he's pretty sure that none of those lingerie-clad models was actually wearing the Brassage.

Still, we could chalk this all up as a variant on that classic marketing ploy, "SEX!!!!  OK, now that I've got your attention, let's talk about the latest innovations in paper-clip technology."  But what about the Brassage itself?  Does it work?  And if so, then, if this video reaches even ONE at-risk woman, isn't it worth a couple of Froot-Loop-deprived pre-adolescents?  Perhaps, but this is a significant "if."

According to yesterday's Chicago Sun-Times (click on today's title for a link to the article), the Brassage has been pulled from the market following the GMA--you should excuse the expression--expose, during which the bra's designer walked out of the interview when questions were raised about the product.

It's probably all for the best.  One has images of far too many bar fights breaking out after some variant of the following conversation:

"Hey, Asshole, did you just feel up my girlfriend?"

"Wha'?  [Heavy Brooklyn accent] Na, na, na.  I mean, not fuh nothin'.  Ah just thought dat she looked like she was buildin' up some toxins.  KnowwhatImean?"


Now, the question is, do they have a similar product for prostate cancer?

Tomorrow: Puns!

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