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Friday, April 10, 2009

Huge in Australia!

A headline on Yahoo!: "Indian woman sets record by rubbing 24 chilies in her eyes." How do you think the guy who rubbed 23 chilies in his eyes feels?

About a week ago, the Solipsist set up an account on "Google Analytics" (clickworthy).  This is a service provided by Google (duh), which allows one to track usage on a website or, in this case, a blog.  You get all kinds of nifty information, like how many people have viewed your page, how many times, when the site's been viewed, etc.

If you drill down further into the report, though, you uncover all manner of statistical riches.  For example, did you know that the Solipsist's "Bounce Rate" is 89.47%?  89.47%!  Not too shabby, eh?  Well, OK, YNSHC has no idea what that means.  Furthermore, a cursory examination reveals that "bounce rate" is actually like a golf score, i.e., the lower the better.  So maybe that's not something to brag about.

But here's something: Since April 4, NINETEEN people have visited this site!  Big deal, you say?  Well, OBVIOUSLY it's like an odometer!  The counter must have reached its highest point--probably 999,999,999,999--and then turned over again.  So, over a trillion visits in just four days?  Top THAT YouTube!  Similarly, there have been ELEVEN "Absolute Unique Visitors," which is at least ten more than YNSHC was expecting.  (Yes, thank you, he CAN account for the first trillion visitors!  Smartass!)

But all kidding aside (well, relatively speaking), here's where things get really interesting.  Google Analytics allows you to do a "Map Overlay" of your visitors.  The majority of the Solipsist's readers come, not surprisingly, from California, with a smattering from New York and Florida.  But there was ONE visitor from Virginia.  And one from, wait for it, Australia!

Well, put a shrimp on the barbie and come say g'day!  Do you know what this means?  THE SOLIPSIST HAS GONE GLOBAL!!!  And not just pseudo-global, like Canada, but real global!  An actual foreign country on the other side of an ocean!  Of course, we all knew that this was going to happen, but, still, this is an auspicious moment that must be marked with, well, auspicion!  Formally, then, the Solipsist would like to extend his virtual hand in friendship to this intrepid Aussie, whoever he or she may be.  (And, y'know, you come all the way from Australia, and you don't even leave a comment?  One knows that Australians are a shy, retiring sort of people, but this is ridiculous!)

Today Canberra, tomorrow, the world!  (Or, at least, Perth.)


  1. Crikey! Your influence is growing, pal, from the bitter climes of New England to the balmy temperate zones Down Under! I can't tell you how impressed I am that you've delved into one of the technophiles favorite tools, Google Analytics. Most impressive! What better way to monitor your global reach? Now if we can just come up with some more viral marketing, who know how far your influence could spread...maybe a YouTube video? I'm sure your dramatic talents will serve you well.



  2. Dude, you are so meta with your google analytics. you're like a living mobius strip.