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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Gronk's Demise



Big entertainment news on the front page of Yahoo!:

Chace (sic) Crawford will be playing the Kevin Bacon part in an upcoming remake of "Footloose"!

Two questions:

1) Who?

2) Remake of "Footloose"?!?

Why remake perfection?!?  (We'll let you ponder whether that's sincere or sarcastic.)

(Digression: Spell check underlines BOTH words in Chace Crawford's name, but neither in Kevin Bacon's.  Just saying.)

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On another topic.

There's a stand-up comic (we forget who) who has a routine where he riffs on the fact that, when people are asked to name their greatest fear, the second most common answer is, "Death."  The most common answer is, "Public speaking."  This means that more people would rather be shot in the head than stand up in front of an audience.  Toastmasters, not firefighters, are truly the bravest of the brave.

But why is this so?  Sure, it can be intimidating to stand up and talk to a group of people, particularly a group of strangers and particularly if you're not as well prepared as you could be.  But still, to prefer death?!?  The question is, What is it that people think is going to happen to them?  OK, maybe the speech will bomb.  Maybe nobody will laugh at the jokes.  Maybe people will make fun of the way you look or dress or smell.  But, ultimately, so what?  Why do people care so much?

Many (if not most) fears can be attributed to our reptile brains.  We presumably fear snakes or spiders or large predatory animals because, at some point in our evolution, avoiding these things was a good way to continue, y'know, not dying.  (Come to think of it, it's probably still a pretty good survival strategy.)  But public speaking?  When was it an evolutionary disadvantage to get up in front of an audience?

Gronk: [Tapping on a rock to get the group's attention] Unk!  Urga-murga!  Ooooga, booog!

[Various murmurs of assent from the assembled cavemen.]

Gronk: [Continuing]  Onk-orga-blok.  Mop Limbaugh!  Crahg!

Plook: [Raises a finger and rises]  Uh. . . Crahg?

Gronk: Crahg!

Plook:  Ahn-Crahg!

Gronk: Crahg!

Plook: AHN-CRAHG!!!!

Gronk:  Crahg!  Crahg!  CRAHG!!!!

[Plook hurls a stegosaurus femur at Gronk's head, crushing his skull against the cave wall.]

Plook:  Huf. . . Ahn-Crahg!

Well, we suppose we can see where public speaking could have been evolutionarily disadvantageous.


 

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