More from The Cutting Room Floor

Some more out-takes and miscellany.

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From "Ouch" (August 21, 2009)

Our dentist has quite the enthusiasm for drugs. When he told us he was going to extract wisdom teeth, he wrote a prescription for Vicodin and Amoxycillin. He also offered Valium.

"Well, Valium isn't a painkiller, right," we asked.

"No, it's just to relax you."

"But I'm not nervous."

"Oh, OK, no problem. It's just that a lot of people like to have it before coming to the dentist."

"No, I don't. . . I mean, you are going to use painkillers, right?"

"Oh, yeah, don't worry, you won't feel anything, but, y'know, just. . . if you wanted the Valium, you could have it."

You should understand that the dentist, whose musical tastes run toward the Offspring and Nirvana, seems to be a bit of a reformed (?) hippie. Soul patch, earring. He's mostly bald, now, but he must have sported a ponytail in his partying days in dental school. We ultimately turned down the Valium, as well as the laughing gas offered by the purple-haired dental nurse. We can't help but feel that the dentist was disappointed.

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We want to learn to speak "Dentist."

At one point, while extracting our lower tooth, the dentist asked if everything was OK. We told him we were feeling some pain in our jaw, but it wasn't from what he was doing--it was just from keeping our mouth open wide for so long.

Well, that's what we said. What came out was, "Iehhullr alill. . . . nguuh chrumm heeing ouwouchhh owen."

But then the dentist said, "Oh, OK. Let's put a bite block in, that'll take some pressure off the jaw."

!!!!

Now, we know what you're thinking: Well, that's just something that he hears a lot, so he's figured out what the basic sounds are like. We thought so, too. So we decided to test it. The following is a transcript:

Solipsist: Uhhh. . .cho. . . gu oo lie gachegall?

Dentist: Oh, yeah. Giants fan.

S: Huh. . . chey'lre gooing gell.

D: Yeah, I think they could still get the Wild Card.

S: I'n churhise. . . I hoou chooo. U, ee-ooo, hong-hong-hong. . . .u ngot. . .I uh ehch!

D: The Mets, huh? Yeah, they've had a rough year. . . .

S: Ho ngany inku-ees!

D: Right, when Beltran went out it just killed 'em. OK, now spit!

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Has there ever been a more perfect name for a world-class sprinter than Usain Bolt?