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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Sports Update (from the Fyooooo-turrrre).

July 19, 2010, Phoenix--In light of Arizona's draconian new anti-immigration law, several members of the New York Mets opted out of this week's series against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Fearing jail, deportation, or flogging, those Mets not born in the United States--Manny Acosta (Panama); Luis Castillo, Jenrry Mejia, Jose Reyes, and Fernando Tatis (D. R.); Henry Blanco, Fernando Nieve, Francisco Rodriguez, and Johan Santana (Venezuela); Oliver Perez (Mexico); Jason Bay (Canada); Raul Valdes (Cuba); and Hisanori Takahashi (Sweden--just seeing if you were still paying attention)--remained in New York.

Although probably not subject to deportation, Puerto Ricans Alex Cora, Pedro Feliciano, and Angel Pagan decided to remain behind as well. And although they were born in California, catcher Rod Barajas, manager Jerry Manuel, and broadcaster Keith Hernandez thought it best to be on the safe side and not make the trip, as did broadcaster Ron Darling. When asked to comment, Darling replied, "Hey, I was born in Hawaii, just like Barack Obama. And look at all the grief that he's been getting. And he's the President!"

With only eight players available, the Mets have decided to go with two outfielders in the series. Two of the four infield positions, as well as catcher, will be fielded by pitchers.

The Diamondbacks will be shorthanded, too, with five of their players having been deported early last month. When asked to comment on the loss of hometown players, Governor Jan "Forcefield" Brewer, quipped, "Well, they are baseball players. I should think they'd have been happy to make it home."

Tonight is "Patriot Night" at Chase Field. The national anthem will be sung by Toby Keith, and all fans fifteen and older will receive a free white hood emblazoned with the Diamondbacks logo. All fans are requested to bring proper documentation to show upon entering the stadium.

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