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Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Former Vice-President Dick "The Impaler" Cheney recently had his 497th heart surgery, this time to install a ventricular assist device--a partial artificial heart. Interestingly, this device "leaves patients without a pulse." As if we needed further proof that the man is a vampire.

Seriously, though, we extend our best wishes for a speedy recovery to the entire Dracul--uh, Cheney--clan. This is surely a difficult time for them: The cost of Cheney's surgery, after all, is approximately $200,000, and given the Republican hostility to healthcare reform or any sort of governmental insurance program, we assume the former veep paid for the whole thing out of pocket. As soon as we hear where to send donations, we'll be sure to let you know.

PubMed.gov, a website of the U.S. National Library of Medicine at the National Institutes of Health


  1. Honestly! Anyone else would have been dead 20 years ago!

  2. What makes you think he wasn't?