Hootie Bin Laden?

The Obama administration has a plan, folks. Not a plan to get us out of our various Middle-Eastern embroilments. Not a plan to balance the federal budget. Not even a plan to get rid of this persistent itching in the back of our solipsistic throat (we should never eat apples). No, they have a plan to save the spotted owl.

Not for nothing, but haven't we been saving this owl since the 1980s? It seems to us that, any owl that can't be saved after decades of government intervention probably doesn't want to be saved. Has anyone checked their little owl wrists for knife wounds?

We're all for saving wildlife, especially when said wildlife is all cute and feathery, but one major element of the plan troubles us. You see, one of the existential threats facing the spotted owl is aggressive competition from the equally adorable barred owl. Thus, in order to save the spotted owl, the government may go in with both barrels blazing. That's right, the Feds are contemplating a proverbial turkey shoot. But with owls.

Now, we can understand government intervention to protect nature from the ravages of man and technology. But should we really be choosing sides in what seems to be a fundamentally Darwinian struggle? If one species of owl is kicking the ecological crap out of another, who are we to take sides? What kind of lobbyists does the spotted owl have that it can get the federal government to favor it over its equally charismatic cousin?

Our liberal interventionist tendencies often encourage us to support efforts to protect the weak from the predations of the powerful. But it seems like we're talking about the Circle of Life here. This isn't Libya; it's the Lion King. We must tread carefully before taking up arms in support of one faction over another. Look at what happened in Afghanistan. We provided military assistance to adorable spotted Afghans against the barred Soviet Army. Our allies won, but we're still suffering blowback today. Today's endangered species could become tomorrow's Owl Qaeda.

SOLIPSISTOGRAPHY:

"Plan Issued to Save Northern Spotted Owl"