Indianapolis, Feb. 7, 2012--After a quick investigation, NFL officials today revealed the reason for the unprecedentedly sloppy play at last Sunday's Super Bowl between the hometown favorite Indianapolis Colts and the Philadelphia Eagles. "One word," said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. "Fantasy football."
The game's tone was set from the first play from scrimmage: an apparently errant pass from Indianapolis' star quarterback Peyton Manning--not to any of his receivers but to Philadelphia's star cornerback, Nnamdi Asomugha. Indianapolis fans breathed a sigh of relief when Asomughggga, also uncharacteristically, made no attempt to catch the ball. It quickly became apparent that something was wrong when the second play from scrimmage yielded the same result. And the third. And the fourth.
By midway through the first quarter, the Eagles defense no longer made any attempt to sack Manning. Instead, a worldwide audience of over 2 billion people was treated to the spectacle of Manning's own receiving corps trying to intercept his constant passes to Asosaumamauga.
The whole sorry episode was cleared up by Goodell, who had interviewed both Manning and Assaossoumuuggghgggaaagagaga. Apparently, each had chosen the other for his fantasy team.
"I was sure that Peyton was going to have a monster game," said Asasas. . .Asamo. . .Aamamogha. . .Oh, screw it, Nnamdi. "When that first pass came my way, I had to call upon all my training and experience as a fantasy-league player not to catch that ball!"
Manning was similarly flummoxed by the Eagles' defender. "I just couldn't understand why Nnamdi wasn't running wild on Sunday. I was sure something was wrong with him."
The game was finally decided, 3-0, after Nnamdi accidentally caught one of Manning's passes in field-goal territory. Kicker Alex Henery won the game for the Eagles as time ran out. When asked about his heroics, Henery explained that he was on his own fantasy team and was thrilled that he had come through for himself.
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