Here are the top-trending stories on Yahoo! as of 4:30 PM:
10. Bank of America: Since BofA announced that it would begin charging customers a five-dollar monthly fee for the privilege of using a debit card to pay for things with their own money, the company has mysteriously been having technical problems on its website. The company insists that the website has not been hacked, but I suspect that, somewhere, a bunch of folks in Guy Fawkes masks are having a good chuckle.
9. Billy Bob Thornton: Well, technically, it's his estranged daughter Amanda Brumfield who's all trendy right now. A Florida judge sentenced her to 20 years in prison for aggravated manslaughter, after a one-year old child in her care suffered a fractured skull and died. At least the judge didn't make her sit through "Armageddon." Sorry.
8. Brain Injuries: Yes, brain injuries are trendy--and not just those inflicted by the estranged children of celebrities. (Again, sorry.) According to the CDC, brain injuries among football-playing youth are on the rise. Which is interesting considering the amount of attention being paid to the issue of concussions in the NFL. Maybe with the crackdowns on blows to the head in the professional leagues, kids figure they better get their concussions while they still can.
7. Tim Robbins: The Academy-Award winning actor and noted liberal activist was thought to have joined the Occupy Wall Street movement. Turns out he just stumbled on the protest after taking a long walk. "I needed to get out of the house," he said. "Susan was bugging me to do the dishes."
6. Lisa Irwin: 10-month-old Lisa Irwin disappeared from her Missouri home sometime after she was put to bed on Monday night-- Oh come on! Murderous celebrity offspring! Brain injuries! Kidnapped toddlers. . . .What the hell is going on with the Trend list today! Don't the folks at Yahoo! know that some of us are trying to make jokes?!?
5. 30-Year Mortgages: I don't have a joke for this, either. I'm just relieved the subject doesn't involve infanticide.
4. Phylicia Rashad: Mrs. Huxtable will fill the Denzel Washington chair in the drama department at Fordham University. She will teach a class called "Creating a Character," which is amusing if you consider that she created basically ONE in her career.
3. Terrell Owens: The wide-receiver, recovering from knee surgery, is still hoping to play in the NFL this season. If that doesn't work out, may we suggest the Denzel Washington chair at Fordham University?
2. Jennifer Aniston: Malian orphans take note: The former friend is not, apparently, desperate to have a baby of her own. She's 42, so if she changes her mind a few years from now, you now have a third option to add to the Madonna-Angelina Jolie axis of adoption.
And the number one trendiest topic at this moment is. . .
1. Kelly Clarkson: The original American Idol beat the leakers at their own game by releasing a video of her latest single ahead of schedule. Asked to comment, the head of the Leakers' League said, "Yeah, um, we weren't really interested in that, anyway."