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Thursday, December 15, 2011

Thursday Trendwatch

It occurs to me that anyone who needs Yahoo! to tell them that HOLIDAY CARDS (10) are currently a trendy topic probably isn't trendy enough to be on the interwebs in the first place.  The same could be said about FORECLOSURES (9), except for the refreshing news that foreclosures are down significantly from the same period last year.  Whatever refreshment one feels, though, is tempered by the realization that the main reason for the slowdown was the fact that banks were pretty much forced to cease and desist after the uproar over "robo-signers": robots from the future that came back in time to authorize foreclosures and kill Sarah Conner.  It looks like foreclosures will shoot up again next year--unless, of course, we find out that banks have engaged in even more recklessly illegal activities.  So, y'know, it's a 50-50 kind of shot.

Morning people--at least morning women--seem to be at lower risk for DEMENTIA (8), according to a new study.  People who are more active in the morning were significantly less likely to develop signs of dementia or mild cognitive impairment.  They also displayed greater worm-catching abilities.

A grotesque ELEVATOR ACCIDENT (7) claimed the life of a woman in New York City the other day.  In what sounds like a sketch for a scene in the next installment of "Final Destination," the 41-year-old was killed after she stepped onto an elevator that suddenly, unexpectedly, and violently shot up, pinning her between the elevator and the wall of the elevator shaft.  Investigators are trying to figure out what went wrong.

From the tragic to the. . . inane?. . .HOWARD STERN (6) will replace Piers Morgan as a judge on NBC's "America's Got Talent."  I guess NBC wanted to class things up a bit.  And speaking of people who have fallen out of the national consciousness, ANNA CHLUMSKY (5) of "My Girl" fame has made the trendwatch in recognition, I guess, of her ability to grow from an attractive tween into an attractive adult.  (Well, at any rate, far more attractive than you would expect something called "chlumsky" to be.)
Still marveling over holiday cards?  Well, hurry down to number 4, where you will find UNIQUE GIFT IDEAS.  The top three unique gift ideas are as follows: a vial filled with the ebola virus; ocelot cutlers; and a lifetime subscription to "The Solipsist" (including an official Solipsist, "I'm With No One" t-shirt.  If you'd rather go with a gag-gift, you could always buy your friend GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS (3) tickets.

Someone keeps putting ZOOEY DESCHANEL (2) on the trend list, and I can only assume it's to annoy me.  It won't work!  I'll just ignore her and zip on down to the number-one trendiest topic of this moment in the space-time continuum, SOFIA VERGARA, who received a Golden Globe nomination for her role in "Modern Family."  On the show, she plays a stunningly gorgeous Latina with a funny accent.  I have no idea how she manages to pull that off.

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