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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Closed-Captioned for the Nearly Impaled

Working out on the treadmill this afternoon, I watched the news on the overhead television.  I was listening to music on headphones, so I couldn't hear the anchors.  Instead, I followed along with the closed captioning.  I learned some interesting things.

First, in a report about the increased risk of autism in children of older fathers, a graphic showed that a 20-something-year-old man passes along about 25 mutations to his offspring, whereas a 45-year-old passes along more than 60 mutations.  The closed-captioning, however, showed that men pass along ever-increasing numbers of "munitions."  This certainly explains the epidemic of gun violence.

Meanwhile, as Tropical Storm Isaac barrels towards the East Coast, observers worry whether an incipient hurricane will disrupt the Republican Convention in Florida.  The closed-captioners, on the other hand, expressed fears that Isaac may "discorrupt" the convention.

They needn't worry.  It will take more than a hurricane to "discorrupt" that group.

1 comment:

  1. I WAS going to wait a while before apologizing, but since you brought it up...
    As I understand it from the headlines, the older the father, the more likely the child is to get autism.

    Since I am getting so much older, I figure you only have days left!

    (Or, to put it another way: After 5 minutes of "scare" discussion, every one of the stories admitted that this "age of the father" thing is only one VERY MINOR factor in a myriad of causes of autism, and really isn't that significant. But it made a good story!

    And we wonder why Americans are the least informed of all the major populations