Outrageous news out of South Dakota, where Republican governor Dennis Daugaard has signed into law a bill authorizing armed "sentinels"--including, potentially, teachers--in elementary schools, provided these sentinels undergo training similar to what law-enforcement personnel receive.
Are they fucking kidding me? TRAINING?!? I wasn't aware the Gestapo had seized control of the South Dakota legislature! I am a freedom-loving, gun-lusting American! Last time I checked, signing up to be a teacher didn't require me to surrender my Constitution-given right to pack as much heat and flail it around as recklessly as I want, whenever I want, at whomever I want! I mean, while I'm out receiving "training" and being taught to use my firearms "responsibly," exactly WHO will be protecting my students? The police? Ha! What do THEY know about stopping psychopathic marauders armed to the teeth? You better believe the maruaders aren't waiting to be trained! If all responsible gun-owners have to be trained than only irresponsible lunatics will be untrained! And you can all see where that will lead!
Look, I have been waiting a long time to receive permission to carry a gun in my classroom! You have no idea how often I've thought about shooting-- Protecting! I meant protecting!--my students. And now that the opportunity is just a short, 1,000 mile relocation away, I refuse to be thwarted by Kommandant Daugaard and his namby-pamby, training-obsessed sycophants in the state legislature! I say, No thank you, Sir! I will take my skills for pedagogy and wanton mayhem somewhere where they will not be straitjacketed by minimal restrictions! The Solipsist is going to Somalia! WOS, pack up the cats!