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Monday, November 30, 2015

In Which We Fix the Classics

Holly Wilson always dreamed of the "perfect wedding."  Even as a young girl, she would flip through bridal magazines and clip pictures of her favorite dresses and veils and other wedding accessories.  Throughout high school and college, she would at least partially judge every boy she dated by how she imagined he would look in a tuxedo, standing at the altar, slipping a ring on her finger.  Of course, when the time came to plan her own wedding, she made it into a full-time job (much to the chagrin of her colleagues and supervisor at the dental office where she worked as a receptionist).  Venue, decorations, flowers, bridesmaid dresses, invitations--no detail was too small for Holly to obsess over.  On the big day, Holly looked radiant; her groom seemed sprung from the pages of a men's fashion magazine.  Everything was perfect!  And then midway through the ceremony, the sprinkler system in the church inexplicably went off, drenching the gathered celebrants before they could scramble for cover.  Holly laughed it off as best she could, but deep down she was traumatized--and the marriage itself,  seemingly cursed at the outset, never recovered.  Less than two years later, Holly and her husband went their separate ways.

This isn't a sad story, though.  Holly soon met someone else, someone superior to her first husband in all respects.  They fell in love and quickly decided to get married, and Holly, perhaps chastened by her first experience, vowed not to get too overwhelmed in the planning.  The one thing she did decide immediately, though, was that she would hold this wedding outdoors, in a beautiful spot in a local park, away from any temperamental fire-suppression technology.  On the day itself, her friends and family gathered at the appointed location, under a majestic elm, next to a gently burbling brook.  Birds twittered charmingly, and Holly's Aunt Michelle swore she even saw a deer peeking out from behind a stand of trees not far from the wedding party.  Everything was perfect!  And then, as the priest began the ceremony, the sunny skies suddenly darkened and, despite all meteorological assurances to the contrary, a tremendous rain cascaded down on Holly's wedding party.

There.  You're welcome, Alanis!

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