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Saturday, March 14, 2009

Just Give Me a Damn Cup of Coffee!!!

"Hi!  Welcome to Starbucks San Pablo home of the best mocha lattes on the West Coast try our fresh, homemade oatmeal we also feature a wide variety of breakfast sandwiches you might also want to sample our music selection this week featuring U2's latest release as well as a collection of blues standards reinterpreted by some of today's biggest artists including Kanye West and Death Cab for Cutie and can we interest you in a travel mug? 25 cents off every purchase when you refill your travel mug 50 cents off on Tuesdays and if you buy one today a ten percent donation will be made to the World Wildlife Fund in your name are you interested yet? what have you got against wildlife? we also offer freshly baked muffins and starting tomorrow we'll be selling vanilla frosted butterscotch cupcakes so make sure to come back tomorrow and no, I'm sorry, you can't have one now even though, yes, we do have them but we've been told we can't start selling them until tomorrow and I don't want to get in trouble and I'm sure you wouldn't want me to get in trouble either unless you're some kind of jerk.  My name is Jennifer, what can I get for you?"

"Uh. . . . What?  Sorry, I drifted off there."

"Well-crafted" is a phrase that turns up a lot in movie reviews.  What does it mean?  From the evidence, it seems that "well-crafted" can mean simply that the film was spliced so as not to break halfway through the showing.  (And, heck, nowadays everything is digital anyway.)  It's like saying a book is well-written because most of the words are spelled correctly.  And if a movie is "heart-stopping," is that a good thing?

Just wondering.

1 comment:

  1. LOL! I'm not too much of a Starbucks fan (preferring the more proletarian Dunkin' Donuts for superior coffee quality, though those may be rare on the West Coast) but I've occasionally indulged myself in a mocha-chino latte or whatever. And was assaulted by a well-rehearsed verbal ad before I could even place my order! I thought there must be many aspiring actors working as cashiers since they were able to recite that whole monologue shpiel before I even got one word out!

    That's why I prefer our New York coffee cart vendors. I just want a friggin coffee when I friggin want it. Don't sell me on your free-range chicken soy muffins, dammit! (I hate the hard sell, I'm much more of a browser).

    Regular, one sugar, please!


    PS: SO?? When are we gonna see your review of Watchmen? You must be delirious about it!