Not Coveting Our President's 'Ass'

"President Obama has repeatedly criticized BP’s handling of response efforts. He has been criticized for his seeming lack of outrage over the spill, but he took an angrier tone Monday in an interview to be broadcast Tuesday morning on NBC’s 'Today' show.

“'I don’t sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar,' Mr. Obama told the show’s host, Matt Lauer, in an interview in Kalamazoo, Mich. 'We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answer so I know whose ass to kick.'”

--"Rate of Oil Leak, Still Not Clear, Puts Doubt on BP"

So you "know whose ass to kick"? Really?

Now, look, Mr. President, we're big fans here at "The Solipsist" (well, the Research Department, not so much, but aside from her. . . .). And we understand your desire to deflect some of the persistent criticism over your supposed unemotionality (unemotionalitudinousness?). But "kicking ass"? Sir, if we had wanted a President Ass-Kicker, we would have voted for McCain!

People like you because you're NOT some whacked out cowboy or back-alley thug. You're intellectual! You're urbane! As Maureen Dowd has said, you're President Spock. And we like it that way!

We imagine the conversation you had with the press secretary before your interview with Lauer:

Robert Gibbs: Now, Sir, you have to look angry.

President Obama: I know, Robert, but, "Ass"?

Gibbs: Yes, Sir.

Obama: Are you sure I couldn't just get away with "butt" or "tushie"?

Gibbs: No, Sir.

Obama: How about "tuchis"? Could help smooth some ruffled feathers at AIPAC?

Gibbs: No, Mr. President.

Obama: "Ass.". . . . You know, interesting thing about the word "Ass." If you do a biblical exegesis upon the use of the word in the Old Testament--or Pentateuch--you find that--

Gibbs: NO, MR. PRESIDENT!!!

Remember, Sir, it was tough-talking, "Top Gun" rhetoric that got this country into its current mess in Iraq. Stay Vulcan!