WEST FORKTON, Idaho--Fueled by Red Bull and crushing boredom, 13-year-old Cody Wickmiller unwittingly resolved one of music theories greatest mysteries, when he successfully completed "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and discovered what happens when "one" bottle of beer on the wall is "taken down and passed around." The answer, gratifying to some, frustrating to others, is that there are "no" bottles of beer on the wall.
Wickmiller, a tuba player with West Forkton Middle School's marching band ("The Halftones"), says he had not intended to make music history. The Halftomes were returning from a state fair in Pocatello. About halfway through the 4-hour bus ride, Wickmiller and his best friend, trombonist Ned "Slide" Parkman, burst into the time-honored time waster. Several other band members joined in at approximately the "94 bottles" mark. "The kids was having a rollicky time through about 85 bottles," reported bus driver Terry Monk, "but then they started to fade."
"When Cody and Ned were still going strong at 52 bottles of beer, I started to think that maybe something special was happening," said bandleader Thomas "Mr. Williams" Williams. "I mean, I know science had told us that the one-bottle barrier would never be broken, but scientists also thought we would never find a vaccine for diphtheria. So there you go."
Wickmiller, a tuba player with West Forkton Middle School's marching band ("The Halftones"), says he had not intended to make music history. The Halftomes were returning from a state fair in Pocatello. About halfway through the 4-hour bus ride, Wickmiller and his best friend, trombonist Ned "Slide" Parkman, burst into the time-honored time waster. Several other band members joined in at approximately the "94 bottles" mark. "The kids was having a rollicky time through about 85 bottles," reported bus driver Terry Monk, "but then they started to fade."
"When Cody and Ned were still going strong at 52 bottles of beer, I started to think that maybe something special was happening," said bandleader Thomas "Mr. Williams" Williams. "I mean, I know science had told us that the one-bottle barrier would never be broken, but scientists also thought we would never find a vaccine for diphtheria. So there you go."
Despite the encouragement of his best friend, Parkman finally gave in to exhaustion at 22 bottles of beer. "I thought about quitting, too," Wickmiller said. "But Ned just gave me this look, like, 'You've got this, Dude. You've got this!' So I kept on going."
To put the achievement in perspective, consider that, according to the American Musicology Foundation, fully 63% of all those who begin "99 Bottles" quit before the 80-bottle mark. Of those who continue--fighting through the rhythmic challenges of the 77th bottle--another 25% quit before reaching 50. Prior to Cody Wickmiller's triumph, the closest anyone had ever come to the one-bottle mark was 8 bottles, a joint Chinese-American project undertaken by Yuen-Wan ("Belinda") Lee and Tammy Jefferson of Fats Domino Elementary School just outside of New Orleans. Observers speculate that the pair could have gone further if Belinda's mother hadn't come to pick the 4th grader up for ballet class.
Prof. Anne Shreffler, Chair of Harvard's Music Department, expressed shock at the news of Wickmiller's achievement. "Harvard's '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' Project has been going on since 1962. We have spent over $17 million and lost 3 associate professors to diphtheria during the course of the project. For this little punk to come along and casually crack the code is just. . . . infuriating."
Wickmiller's achievement vindicates the "Noneists"--those who had speculated that, in the words of their manifesto Empty Walls (1987), "Beyond the last bottle lies nothingness, an existential blank. Once that last bottle is passed around or--God forbid!--happens to fall and waste alcohol, the song ends. The world, we hope, goes on." At the same time, the "Resumptivist" School, which claims that the onus on the singer is nothing less than to begin the song again, has suffered a major setback. Paul Reubens, better known as Pee Wee Herman, the de facto spokesman for the Resumptivists, was unavailable for comment.
When asked about his plans, Wickmiller replied that he wanted to take some time off. He will collaborate on a film treatment of his story. (Rumor has Steve Carell, Johnny Depp, and Wesley Snipes expressing interest in playing the role of Cody.) When asked about plans for future musical projects, Wickmiller brashly suggested that he might next tackle "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt."
To put the achievement in perspective, consider that, according to the American Musicology Foundation, fully 63% of all those who begin "99 Bottles" quit before the 80-bottle mark. Of those who continue--fighting through the rhythmic challenges of the 77th bottle--another 25% quit before reaching 50. Prior to Cody Wickmiller's triumph, the closest anyone had ever come to the one-bottle mark was 8 bottles, a joint Chinese-American project undertaken by Yuen-Wan ("Belinda") Lee and Tammy Jefferson of Fats Domino Elementary School just outside of New Orleans. Observers speculate that the pair could have gone further if Belinda's mother hadn't come to pick the 4th grader up for ballet class.
Prof. Anne Shreffler, Chair of Harvard's Music Department, expressed shock at the news of Wickmiller's achievement. "Harvard's '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' Project has been going on since 1962. We have spent over $17 million and lost 3 associate professors to diphtheria during the course of the project. For this little punk to come along and casually crack the code is just. . . . infuriating."
Wickmiller's achievement vindicates the "Noneists"--those who had speculated that, in the words of their manifesto Empty Walls (1987), "Beyond the last bottle lies nothingness, an existential blank. Once that last bottle is passed around or--God forbid!--happens to fall and waste alcohol, the song ends. The world, we hope, goes on." At the same time, the "Resumptivist" School, which claims that the onus on the singer is nothing less than to begin the song again, has suffered a major setback. Paul Reubens, better known as Pee Wee Herman, the de facto spokesman for the Resumptivists, was unavailable for comment.
When asked about his plans, Wickmiller replied that he wanted to take some time off. He will collaborate on a film treatment of his story. (Rumor has Steve Carell, Johnny Depp, and Wesley Snipes expressing interest in playing the role of Cody.) When asked about plans for future musical projects, Wickmiller brashly suggested that he might next tackle "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt."
"I'm pretty sure I can find an ending."
What an odd story. Are you sure it wasn't a sousaphone?
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