WASHINGTON--In an historic decision that will likely end once and for all the healthcare crisis in the United States, congressional leaders and the White House today announced that they had reached an agreement on a single-payer system. That single payer is Mr. Randall McMurtry of Clark Fork, Idaho.
Mr. McMurtry, 48, a forklift operator at a sardine plant, expressed shock and dismay when told that he would be responsible for some $2 trillion per year to ensure basic healthcare for every man, woman, and child in the United States. He continued spluttering even after receiving assurances that administrative savings generated by the single-payer system would likely lower actual costs to something closer to $1.5 trillion. Congressional proposals to exempt Mr. McMurtry from responsibility for Wyoming and Delaware may lower the final bill even more.
Mitt Romney immediately attacked the proposal as just another example of Obamanamian socialism run amok, and Newt Gingrich bit the head off of a kitten.