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Sunday, January 8, 2012

What Do Poets Know?

Nobel laureate and ping-pong champion William Butler Yeats once said that "poetry makes nothing happen."  This is incorrect.  I once hurled a Norton Anthology at the head of my cousin Evan.  He was never the same.

Robert Frost, who never won a Nobel Prize (loser!), said that "poetry is what gets lost in translation."  This, too, is, in fact, my cousin Evan.  Perhaps as a result of his poetry-related head injuries, he once engaged in a heated exchange with a group of Maori fishermen.  After saying something--no one in his group understood what--Evan was carried off by the Maori, and he hasn't been seen since.  His family is growing concerned, so, if you have any information on Evan's whereabouts, please leave it in the comments section.


  1. Okay, so here's what happened.
    He had the book with him when the Maori took him.
    He got away by reciting "Maori, Maori, quite Contraori" (p. 597)
    But he was not the same.
    The blow to his head made him both suicidal and ADD.
    He couldn't live in one place.
    He moved from rural, hamlets to major metropoli, and, occasionally, he would jump off a bridge in a suicide pact he believed he had formed with that accursed book.
    In other words:
    Sometimes he lived in the country;
    Sometimes he lived in Town;
    And sometimes he'd take a great Norton...

  2. I'm confused, and not the same.

  3. Oh thank God! Where are you? We'll send someone right out.