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Monday, January 9, 2012

Who Says Crime Doesn't Pay?

"As for Mr. Poveda-Ortega, in 2008 he escaped a raid on his mansion outside Mexico City in which the authorities detained 15 of his associates and seized hundreds of thousands of dollars, along with two pet lions" ("U.S. Agents Aided Mexican Drug Trafficker to Infiltrate His Criminal Ring").
Now, I am as opposed to drug-trafficking as the next guy--unless the next guy is Pablo Escobar.  But, look, how am I supposed to resist the siren-song of the narcotics industry, or convince children of its inherent wrongness, when I hear that drug dealers get to have pet lions?!?  That's lionS!  With an 'S'!  As in, more than one lion!

Here I am, a law-abiding citizen, and do I get a lion?  Never mind two lions!  No!  People tell me I can't have a lion.  That it's "dangerous."  That lions are "carnivorous."  That a lion would "eat" my "face."  It's just not fair.

If the powers that be want to make the world of illicit drug trafficking unattractive, then they must offer alternatives.  Children should be issued lions--or perhaps dolphins or giraffes--and told that these pets will be confiscated if they (the children) stray from the path of drug-free righteousness.  Conversely, we can develop a sort of "Scared Straight" type experience, whereby children who glamorize "thug life" are provided with utterly lame pets like goldfish or dachshunds.

We can all make a difference, people, but we have to start today!

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps, and I'm just speculating here, if you were to acquire enough regular size cats, you could stitch them together "Human Centipede" style, and build your OWN lion!