(A follow-up to yesterday's post)
November 16, 2012
SOL (On phone): Hey, I'm heading out. I'm going to stop by the grocery store on the way home. We need milk and stuff. . .
SOL: Um. . . Listen, I have something to tell you.
SOL: Well. . . have you seen the news today?
WOS: No. Why?
SOL: OK. . . . Um. . . Well, maybe you'd better sit down.
WOS: What happened?!?
SOL: Well. . .OK, Hostess is going out of business. . .
WOS: Yeah, so?
SOL: So. . . Y'know. . . No more Twinkies.
SOL: I know.
SOL: I'm sorry. I know this comes as a shock, but--
WOS: No. This-- This is bad!
SOL: Well, there's nothing we can do about it.
WOS: OK, you need to go to the store and get ALL the Twinkies!!!
SOL: Well, I'm not--
WOS: Yes. You. Are.
(A few minutes later. I get into my car. My cell phone rings.)
WOS: OK, here's what you do: You buy up all the Twinkies, all the Ho-Ho's, all the cupcakes. We store them on the shelves in the pantry, then we SELL them on eBay for a fortune!
SOL: Um. . .
WOS: Pretty good, huh?
SOL: You're just gonna eat them, aren't you?
WOS: Yeah, probably.
WOS: OK, BUT DON'T FORGET TO BUY LOTS OF--
(I hang up.)
(A few minutes later. I am walking through the parking lot to the supermarket. My cell phone rings.)
WOS: Did you just try to call me?
WOS: I was on the other line, and somebody called. I thought maybe it was you.
WOS: OK. (Pause) So. . .
SOL: I'm NOT buying up the whole supply of Twinkies!
WOS: COME ON, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! TWIIIIIIN-KIIEEEES!!!!
(I hang up.)
(I am walking through the store. I am in the bread aisle. I think we need bread. I call.)
SOL: Hey, do we need bread?
WOS: Um, yeah. (Pause.)
SOL: (Sigh) Go ahead.
WOS: Have you gotten the Twinkies yet?
SOL: You need to let this go.
WOS: I CAN'T LET IT GO.
SOL: I'll get you some Twinkies. As long as they haven't already been cleaned out. . .
WOS: Don't even joke!
(A few minutes later, I call home again.)
SOL: (Struggling not to laugh hysterically) OK, you're going to think I'm kidding, but I'm not.
SOL: ALL the Twinkies are gone! All that's left are the chocolate-filled ones, and a few boxes of cupcakes!
WOS: WHAT ABOUT HO-HO'S?!?
SOL: Nope. But here's the best part: There's a woman here whose ENTIRE SHOPPING CART is filled with Hostess products!
(WOS and I both start laughing hysterically!)
WOS: Well, wait, that's not cool! You need to confront her!
SOL: I'm not going anywhere near her! I'm just going to consider myself lucky if I make it back to my car with the two boxes of cupcakes I've managed to snag!
WOS: Yeah, you better move fast!
SOL: This place is scarier than a Staten Island gas station!
WOS: Can we go to Target tomorrow?
SOL: Only if you acquire weapons.