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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Just Another Day at Solipsist Central

(Background: I subscribe to a number of periodicals, and I'm a bit. . . behind in my reading.)

SOL (flipping through the sections of today's New York Times): Hm.

WOS: What?

SOL: Uh. . . nothing.

WOS: What?

SOL: Well. . . Don't judge me, OK?


SOL: This is today's New York Times Magazine. (I hold up the magazine, which features a picture of Keira Knightley on the cover.) It's their Hollywood issue: They do this every December.

WOS: OK, so?

SOL: Well, this  (holding up a copy of the New York Times Magazine with Brad Pitt on the cover) is the next magazine I have to read.

WOS: But. . .that says "Hollywood Issue," too.

SOL: I know.

WOS: But TODAY's magazine is the Hollywood issue. . .

SOL: Yes.

WOS: So this other one is from. .  .a year ago?

SOL: Yes.

WOS: And you haven't read it yet?

SOL: I said don't judge me!

WOS: You really have to get caught up with this!  You need to stop reading books!  And student papers!

SOL: I know.

WOS: I mean, what'd going to happen when you're 92 and lying on your death bed and you still have, like, a year's worth of magazines to read?

SOL: Well, I guess that just means. . . I can't die!

WOS: No, I don't think that's what it means. . .

SOL: YES!  As long as I haven't caught up with my magazine reading, I can never die!

WOS: But. . .

SOL: It's the magazine rack of Dorian Gray!!!


WOS: . . . What?

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