(Background: I subscribe to a number of periodicals, and I'm a bit. . . behind in my reading.)
SOL (flipping through the sections of today's New York Times): Hm.
SOL: Uh. . . nothing.
SOL: Well. . . Don't judge me, OK?
SOL: This is today's New York Times Magazine. (I hold up the magazine, which features a picture of Keira Knightley on the cover.) It's their Hollywood issue: They do this every December.
WOS: OK, so?
SOL: Well, this (holding up a copy of the New York Times Magazine with Brad Pitt on the cover) is the next magazine I have to read.
WOS: But. . .that says "Hollywood Issue," too.
SOL: I know.
WOS: But TODAY's magazine is the Hollywood issue. . .
WOS: So this other one is from. . .a year ago?
WOS: And you haven't read it yet?
SOL: I said don't judge me!
WOS: You really have to get caught up with this! You need to stop reading books! And student papers!
SOL: I know.
WOS: I mean, what'd going to happen when you're 92 and lying on your death bed and you still have, like, a year's worth of magazines to read?
SOL: Well, I guess that just means. . . I can't die!
WOS: No, I don't think that's what it means. . .
SOL: YES! As long as I haven't caught up with my magazine reading, I can never die!
WOS: But. . .
SOL: It's the magazine rack of Dorian Gray!!!
WOS: . . . What?