En route back to the Bay Area from our semi-vacation in NYC, we had to change planes at a cowtown airport that shall remain nameless (Long Beach, CA). By the time we arrived at around noon local time, we had been up since two o'clock in the morning (what with the vagaries of time zone shifts), so we were a bit out of sorts. Our mental state was not helped by the lack of airport amenities, the fact that a bird (!) was flying around the terminal (which, for good measure, looked less like an airport terminal than the kind of prefab, temporary structure out of which construction projects are managed, only bigger and more crowded), and the fact that random 80's music (think Morris Day and the Time) was being piped in through invisible speakers. By the time the gate agents got around to boarding us, we were feeling downright ornery.
So we got to the gate and presented our boarding pass. This was one of those airports where there are no jetways--you walk across the tarmac to your plane. The gate agent, therefore, advised each passenger to make sure to board the correct plane. We looked out at the one plane idling in the sun and figured we could handle this one. Nothing is simple.
This particular airline, which shall remain nameless (JetBlue), has adorably named all its planes. Each name, we gathered, features a punning use of the word 'blue.' As she directed us through the gate, then, the agent advised us to make sure we got onto "All About Blue." Fair enough. As we approached the plane, though, we saw, stenciled beneath the pilot's window, "It Had to Be Blue."
!!!
We pointed out to the stewardess--sorry, "flight attendant"--sorry "airborne waitress"--the apparent discrepancy between reality and the fantasy world in which the gate agent was apparently living. We suspect we were not the first passenger to point this out to her, as she smiled in that way peculiar to people who have been pushed just a little too far. We took our seat before weapons could be drawn.
After a relatively uneventful flight, we landed and heard the following announcement: "On behalf of the captain and crew, I would like to welcome our passengers to LONG BEACH, CALIFORNIA, where the local time is--"
AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH! WE'RE BACK IN THE COWTOWN! WE'RE TRAPPED FOREVER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
By the way, you know how they always announce that they are beginning the "pre-boarding" process? What the hell is that? Haven't we BEEN "pre-boarding" the whole time we were waiting in the terminal? We certainly haven't BOARDED!!! And why do the infirm and parents with small children get all the perks of pre-boarding? Shouldn't pre-boarding be reserved for the Normals? Just sayin'.
Two things: Thing 1: While there may have been a time that being first on a plane actually was desirable, those days are long gone. The peope who get on first now have LONGER to sit waiting for the plane to actually move. Pity them.
ReplyDeleteThing 2: "Airborne Waitresses"? You were on a plane where there was ACTUALLY, STILL, SERVICE!?!? Wonder of wonders!!!!!
I worked for TWA then Pan Am back in the day...stationed in Lisbon....here are some of my memories of air travel: Birds in the airport? At Luanda's International Airport there are no walls over 5'...no windows....it's like being in your back yard....little lizard-type creatures and some winged darting about....sounds like the jungle...looks like a jungle.....must be a _ _ _ _ _? LA passenger boards wrong flight after hearing the departure announcement for a flight to Auckland (his intended destination was Oakland). I remember when air travel was an event....you actually dressed for the occasion....Pan Am's B747 service included white linen tablecloths and silver flatware for diners in the upper deck circa 1970.....ahh, the good old days!!!
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