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Friday, October 14, 2011

A Bit of Misplaced Hostility to Start the Weekend Right

Another open letter, this time to my Words-with-Friends-playing friends:

I've never taken sides in the "Coke vs. Pepsi" debate: Whatever's brown and bubbly works for me.  Honestly, I'm more of a diet root beer kind of guy altogether.  Paper or plastic?  Same thing.  I don't care, as long as you're not one of those self-righteous, tree-hugging envirobots with the reusable cloth carry-all, acting oh-so-superior as you waddle about in your handmade hemp overalls, driving your chicken-fat powered go-kart to the Whole Foods and recycling your own urine for hot-water bottles on cold winter nights, GOD YOU ALL MAKE ME SICK!  I JUST WANT TO--

Sorry, where was I?  Oh, yeah.

While you can embrace neutrality on any number of subjects, some things are either/or, black or white.  Like "black" and "white," for instance.  You're either PC or Mac, Mets or Yankees, toilet paper or twigs--not "either" and NEVER "both."

So it is with Scrabble and Words with Friends.  I am a Scrabble man.  I care not for the bells and whistles and dancing pandas of Words With Friends.  Call me old-fashioned, call me an online version of crossword-based board-games purist, call me irresponsible, just call me!  But don't call me to play Words with Friends.  I will not accept the invitation.  I will not play.

Understand, friends, it's nothing personal.  I will gladly play Scrabble with you any time.  It's certainly not that I don't consider you "Friends."  I simply consider you idiots.



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