Another open letter, this time to my Words-with-Friends-playing friends:
I've never taken sides in the "Coke vs. Pepsi" debate: Whatever's brown and bubbly works for me. Honestly, I'm more of a diet root beer kind of guy altogether. Paper or plastic? Same thing. I don't care, as long as you're not one of those self-righteous, tree-hugging envirobots with the reusable cloth carry-all, acting oh-so-superior as you waddle about in your handmade hemp overalls, driving your chicken-fat powered go-kart to the Whole Foods and recycling your own urine for hot-water bottles on cold winter nights, GOD YOU ALL MAKE ME SICK! I JUST WANT TO--
Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah.
While you can embrace neutrality on any number of subjects, some things are either/or, black or white. Like "black" and "white," for instance. You're either PC or Mac, Mets or Yankees, toilet paper or twigs--not "either" and NEVER "both."
So it is with Scrabble and Words with Friends. I am a Scrabble man. I care not for the bells and whistles and dancing pandas of Words With Friends. Call me old-fashioned, call me an online version of crossword-based board-games purist, call me irresponsible, just call me! But don't call me to play Words with Friends. I will not accept the invitation. I will not play.
Understand, friends, it's nothing personal. I will gladly play Scrabble with you any time. It's certainly not that I don't consider you "Friends." I simply consider you idiots.