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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

But What Have You Done for Us Lately?

An open letter to the Chilean miners:

It's been a year since you made your triumphant ascent  Around the world, we watched, transfixed, throughout your ordeal: trapped for months hundreds of feet below the surface of the earth.  And not even good ol' American earth, either: Chilean earth!  We shared your joy and the joy of your families as you rose triumphantly in those FABULOUS sunglasses.  We eagerly await the inevitable Hollywood extravaganza and hope the producers lock down Antonio Banderas and Jimmy Smits to play ALL of you ('cause, frankly, they're the only two Latino actors any of us have ever heard of).  But, frankly, it's time for you to show us some love again.

Look, don't think we all don't appreciate your noble story of salvation in the face of horrifying odds.  But it has been a year.  While you were off "recovering" from "trauma" and "horror" in your cushy psychiatric hospitals, the world hasn't stood still.  Lots of other things have happened to feed our unending need for distraction.  There was a revolution in Egypt!  We killed Bin Laden!  A transsexual performed on "Dancing with the Stars"!

All I'm saying is this: If you want us to keep caring, you really need to do something.  I'm not saying you need to go out and kill Bin Laden, but one of you could get a sex-change and go on "Dancing with the Stars."  Or at least get stuck in an elevator.  Something!



 Don't you think it's time you all stepped up a little?  Could you at least get stuck in an elevator?  Or maybe a traffic jam?  We all need some inspiration.

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