Last night on "The Colbert Report," Stephen reported on a new treatment for people suffering from a lack of beneficial bacteria in their guts--
--Now, before I go on, I want to emphasize once again that this is NOT appropriate reading if you are eating dinner. . . . or if you are planning to eat dinner. . . ever.
--As I was saying: A new treatment for people suffering from a lack of beneficial intestinal bacteria: Fecal transplants!
Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like: Doctors take fecal matter from healthy people and transplant it into the digestive tract of the afflicted.
I had actually heard of this treatment before. What I had NOT heard was the fact that, apparently, the method of transplantation is, well, oral. For some unimaginable reason, the helpful bacteria can not simply be injected into the intestine: They must be swallowed. As Stephen commented, doctors can now write prescriptions for people to "Eat shit and LIVE!"
What I don't understand is this: People who suffer from the lack of helpful parasites can hardly manage to eat anything. One woman mentioned that, for a year, the only thing she could keep down was crackers and water.
Now, if you can barely stomach crackers and water, how the hell are you going to manage to swallow a big helping of poop?
Oh, and, I apologize.