Thanks for stopping by! If you like what you read, tell your friends! If you don't like what you read, tell your enemies! Either way, please post a comment, even if it's just to tell us how much we suck! (We're really needy!) You can even follow us @JasonBerner! Or don't! See if we care!

Friday, December 9, 2011

NOT Dinnertime Reading

Last night on "The Colbert Report," Stephen reported on a new treatment for people suffering from a lack of beneficial bacteria in their guts--

--Now, before I go on, I want to emphasize once again that this is NOT appropriate reading if you are eating dinner. . . . or if you are planning to eat dinner. . . ever.

--As I was saying: A new treatment for people suffering from a lack of beneficial intestinal bacteria: Fecal transplants!

Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like: Doctors take fecal matter from healthy people and transplant it into the digestive tract of the afflicted.

I had actually heard of this treatment before.  What I had NOT heard was the fact that, apparently, the method of transplantation is, well, oral.  For some unimaginable reason, the helpful bacteria can not simply be injected into the intestine: They must be swallowed.  As Stephen commented, doctors can now write prescriptions for people to "Eat shit and LIVE!"

What I don't understand is this: People who suffer from the lack of helpful parasites can hardly manage to eat anything.  One woman mentioned that, for a year, the only thing she could keep down was crackers and water.

Now, if you can barely stomach crackers and water, how the hell are you going to manage to swallow a big helping of poop?

Oh, and, I apologize.

No comments:

Post a Comment