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Saturday, December 10, 2011

Thursday Trendwatch--Saturday Edition

When I was a yeshiva boy, we always bought HANUKKAH CANDLES (10) through my school.  The boxes contained the exact number of candles needed for the eight-night holiday.  On the first night of Hanukkah, observant Jews--as well as others who simply like to look at shiny things--light two candles, and each subsequent evening calls for the addition of one candle.  Those members of Solipsist Nation preparing for the SATs can figure out the total number of candles for themselves.  For the benefit of those of you NOT interested in math, we will forego commentary on TAX PLANNING (9) and OIL PRICES (8).

We hope this will not lead to accusations of APPEASEMENT (7), of which one Yahoo! contributor has accused President Obama.  Apparently, this commentator feels that Obama's withdrawal from Iraq and his coddling (?) of Iran constitute Chamberlainian acts of weakness.  Granted, we haven't started bombing Iran--yet, but I hardly see how the establishment of sanctions on Iran--to say nothing of Syria and Libya--and the killing of various terrorist leaders around the world, including a guy named bin Laden, constitute appeasement.  This writer keeps using that word, though; I do not think it means what he thinks it means. . . .

Okay, ladies, ASHTON KUTCHER (6) has turned down an invitation to spend New Year's Eve with Lea Michele, his co-star in "New Year's Eve."  No doubt he has heard about the unfortunate incidents that occurred way back when Jamie Lee Curtis accepted an invitation to spend Halloween with her "Halloween" co-star, Donald Pleasance.  Meanwhile, Rainey Qualley (Rainey Qualley?), the daugher of ANDIE MACDOWELL (5), has been named "Miss Golden Globe" for 2012.  I have no idea what this means, but I suspect this is an honor slightly greater than winning a Golden Globe.

According to Miss Manners, you must take several things into account when juggling numerous HOLIDAY INVITATIONS (4)While it is all right to accept multiple invitations, one must strive to remain at each stop for a certain "minimum" time: about 45 minutes for drinks but for the entire meal at a dinner party.  (I wonder if Ashton Kutcher consulted the etiquette expert before publicly refusing an invitation fro,m his RomCom co-star?)

Speaking of etiquette, how long does propriety require one to wait after a divorce before diving back into the dating pool?  I ask on behalf of KRIS HUMPHRIES (3).  I have no inside information on whether the basketball "star" and former Mr. Kardashian has started seeing anyone.  But I am concerned that, if he starts dating too soon, it could call into question the sincerity of his marriage, and I would hate to see the sanctity of this romance for the ages besmirched by any premature gallivanting on the part of Humphries.
If he IS back on the dating market, maybe the newly single "Glee" star DIANNA AGRON (2) would be interested.  Then she could totally screw with Lea Michele: "Ha, ha!  I'm dating Kris Humphries and you got dissed by Kut-cher!  Neener, neener, billy goat!"

I'm pretty sure that's what she would say.

Finally, ELLIE KEMPER (1), of "The Office" is engaged to a former writer for Conan O'Brien.
Since I've only watched up to, like, season 5 of "The Office," I'm not exactly sure who Ms. Kemper is, but I wish her the best.  I wonder if she'll invite Ashton Kutcher to the wedding.

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