Rethinking College Sports--A Modest Proposal

I enjoy sports, and, as a semi-alumnus of Syracuse University, I can get excited about college sports, particularly during March Madness.  (Go Orange!)  At the same time, I am also a teacher, and I find the overemphasis on  sports at colleges and universities ridiculous. Sports are entertainment and an undeniable part of the college experience, but they should not overshadow the main raison d'etre of institutions of higher learning: drug- and alcohol-fueled partying.

But seriously, folks.

An article in the Times ("How Big-Time Sports Ate College Life") rehashes the by-now all-too-familiar fact that big-time college sports programs have become a driving force in higher education.  Students often choose colleges because of athletic--not academic--excellence; they neglect academic responsibilities to engage in sports-related activities; and universities spend comparatively obscene amounts of money on sports programs while treating academic programs as budgetary afterthoughts.  The article then provides the similarly familiar hand-wringing over what is to be done.

Fans will be fans, and while the tremendous media exposure of college sports has probably inspired increases in student enthusiasm, we shouldn't spend too much time lamenting the amount of energy students devote to rooting on their favorite teams.  Those are, ultimately, personal choices.  If a student fails a final because he stayed up all night celebrating Duke's victory over North Carolina, that's really of concern to no one other than the student and whoever is paying for his college "education."  There is, however, a fairly simple way to restore some balance to the financial side of the equation.

One of the things that infuriates critics of collegiate athletics--and, indeed, annoys even those like Your-Not-So-Humble-Correspondent who enjoy college sports--is the disproportionate amount of money that colleges lavish on athletics.  New Ohio State football coach Urban Meyer signed a contract worth a minimum of $4 million a year.  According to a 2010 report, Big Ten colleges spent, on average more than six times as much per student on athletics as they did on academics.  The institutions will claim that such spending is necessary to remain competitive both in athletics and in student recruitment: If one college doesn't spend the money, another one will, and the first college will suffer as a result.  So what's needed is a mechanism to persuade all universities to reduce spending on athletics.

Here's a thought: All colleges and universities, public or private, receive public money, either in the form of student financial aid or grants or subsidies or some combination of all of these.  What if a law were passed saying that any college that spends disproportionately on athletics--say, more than twice what it spends per student on non-athletes--becomes ineligible to receive any public funding?  Wouldn't it be lovely if, for every athletic scholarship awarded, a college also had to offer a full ride to a promising academic all-star?  Such requirements would go a long way towards reaffirming the importance of colleges' academic mission, and they would also provide a great incentive for universities to reconsider their priorities in a more socially constructive way.

The New Season

I'm sure you've all been waiting for my verdict on the new J. J. Abrams production, "Alcatraz."

On the one hand, it's basically "Lost" set in San Francisco, and instead of a smoke-monster, there are mysterious felons from Alcatraz.

On the other hand, it's basically "LOST" set in SAN FRANCISCO, and instead of a smoke-monster, there are MYSTERIOUS FELONS FROM ALCATRAZ!!!!

So, y'know, I guess I'm going with a thumbs-up.

Thursday Trendwatch

Starting off our trendwatch is everyone's favorite royal in-law PIPA (10).  Yes, Kate Middleton's sister is in the crosshairs of public opinion again: Everyone's really pissed off at her apparently: "Stop PIPA!"  "Down with PIPA!"  What's really strange about the anti-PIPA movement is that many of these people also seem to want Mexicans to stop eating soup.  Many of the "Stop PIPA" protestors are surrounded by people waving signs saying "Stop SOPA!" and the like.  Does Pippa Middleton like to eat a lot of soup?  In Spain?

What's that?

Oh.

Never mind.

Eddie Brill, a comedian and longtime booker for DAVID LETTERMAN (9), received a demotion for saying that female comedians will "act like men" in order to get gigs.  Boy, that is. . .   That is. . .   Um. . .  Wait, why exactly is that a problem?  I mean, generalizing about any group--especially a group held in such reverence as female stand-up comedians--can often lead to problems, but I'm not clear on what precisely is so bad about suggesting that these performers "act like men."

Lest you think I am minimizing Brill's affront by decontextualizing, here is his entire quote: "There are a lot less female comics who are authentic. I see a lot of female comics who, to please an audience, will act like men." Since he doesn't even make clear what constitutes "man-like" behavior, this hardly seems like a major insult.  And considering the unapologetic raunchiness of female comics like Lisa Lampanelli, Sarah Silverman, and Kathy Griffin, one must at least entertain the possibility that Brill was not only NOT being insulting; he was probably also right.

A new definition of the condition may lead to a major change in the prevalence of AUTISM DIAGNOSES (8).  Revisions in diagnostic criteria proposed by the American Psychiatric Association could significantly reduce the number of people who receive a diagnosis of autism.  Texas Governor Rick Perry would presumably still qualify.

KHLOE KARDASHIAN (7) has declared that she is NOT exploring fertility treatments, so there is still hope that the Kardashians will not breed.  If and when Kardashian DOES have a baby, though, she will not be able to record the blessed event with Kodak equipment, as the venerable company has filed for CHAPTER 11 (6) bankruptcy protection.  Yes, we at the Solipsist were just as surprised as you are to hear that Kodak still existed.

JESSICA CAPSHAW (5) of "Grey's Anatomy" is pregnant.  Take THAT Khloe Kardashian!

Coming in next is HOPE SOLO (4).  This is AWESOME!  I didn't know Han and Leia had a baby!  That must happen in "Episode 7," which must mean that THERE IS GOING TO BE AN EPISODE SEVEN!!!  Oh, Ican'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twait!  I'm gonna find out where it's going to be playing and I am getting on line to-NIGHT!  I--

What's that?

Soccer?

Oh.

Never mind.

JENNIFER GARNER (3) is pregnant.  Take THAT, Khloe Kardashian!

And rounding out the trendwatch, San Francisco Giants' ace TIM LINCECUM (2) has requested $21.5 million, but he may have to settle for a mere $17 million is the Giants prevail in arbitration; and country music star MERLE HAGGARD (1) has cancelled some tour dates due to health problems.

Take THAT, Khloe Kardashian!

Heroes Just Ain't What They Used to Be

When Captain Chesley Sullenberger landed his crippled airplane in the Hudson River a few years back, saving every passenger onboard, he was understandably hailed as a hero.  True, one could argue that the captain was simply doing his job, but he certainly performed admirably under a tremendous amount of pressure.  No one can begrudge him his moment of national adoration, even if it did lead to an unfortunate increase in the number of children named "Chesley."

To get a sense of how heroism has been devalued, we need only look to Italy.

In the wake of the disaster aboard the Costa Concordia cruise ship, a drama has unfolded, casting two central figures in the roles of celebrated hero and reprehensible villain.  The cruise ship's captain, Francesco Schettino, faces public condemnation and possible manslaughter charges for abandoning his post when his ship ran aground (he has claimed that he was actually knocked overboard while overseeing the ship's evacuation).  On the other hand, Coast Guard Captain Gregorio de Falco is receiving Sullenbergerian levels of praise for his actions during the disaster, specifically for ordering Captain Schettino back onto his ship.  His salty phrase, roughly translated as, "Get back on board, Schmuck!" has become a cultural phenomenon in Italy.  T-shirts emblazoned with the phrase are selling like hotcakes--or whatever Italians buy in mass quantities instead of hotcakes. . . olives, maybe?.

Now, if Schettino did in fact abandon ship, he displayed pathetic cowardice.  A captain's duty to go down with his ship--or at least make sure that the passengers and crew are safe before leaving--is a time-honored part of maritime law and tradition.  But while Captain De Falco should be commended for maintaining his composure and doing his job, I fail to see how his actions merit the label "heroic."  It's hardly "heroic" to order someone else to go back into a life-threatening situation.   When a fireman runs into a burning building, he displays tremendous bravery and self-sacrifice; when his commander orders him into the building, he is merely doing his job.

In fairness to Captain De Falco, he himself is dismissing any talk of his own heroism.  Indeed, that may be his most heroic action of all.

How the Other One Percent Lives

From the New York Times:

“'I got a little bit of income from my book, but I gave that all away,' Mr. Romney told reporters after an event here. 'And then I get speakers’ fees from time to time, but not very much.'"  (Emphasis added.)

The article continues:

"Financial disclosure forms that candidates are required to file annually shows that Mr. Romney earned $374,327.62 in speakers’ fees from February of 2010 to February of 2011, at an average of $41,592 per speech." (Emphasis added, queasiness suffered.)

Must be nice to be able to consider almost $400,000 "not very much."

MLK Would Be Proud

What a long way we've come in our pursuit of racial tolerance in the US!  As columnist Nicholas Kristof reports, a prominent theme in Republican primary rhetoric is that President Obama is a crypto-European socialist.  To think, less than three years ago President Obama was a crypto-Kenyan socialist!  It is wonderful to see our President misjudged not by the color of his skin, but by the content of his policies!

One (More) Giant Step

Why were people expecting Green Bay to have an easy time dispatching the New York Giants?  Yes, the Packers beat New York a few weeks ago, 38-35.  But what people should have taken away from this was that the NFL's best offense, in conjunction with the league's worst defense, had barely eked out a victory.  Was the Giants' defense really going to give up 38 points again?  Not likely.  By the same token, was Green Bay's defense going to give up 35 points?  Quite possibly.

Admittedly, the Giants received some breaks--like the fact that Green Bay's receivers seemed to have dipped their gloves in Crisco.  But they were also on the receiving end of a couple of ridiculously bad calls, like a clear fumble recovery that was waved off and a "blow to the head" call based apparently on the fact that Aaron Rodgers seemed to nod after being cleanly tackled.  So everything balances out in the end.

On to San Francisco!