In Which We Can't Even

Originally published on July 23, 2012, and sadly once-again appropriate today:

Remember that time that a heavily-armed, law-abiding citizen stopped that maniac who was about to open fire on a crowd of helpless people?  And how everybody said, "Thank God for the Second Amendment, or this would have been so much worse!"  Remember that? Yeah, me neither.

Am I being lazy?  Maybe.  Or maybe I'm just expending the same amount of energy as the politicians whose job it actually is to do something about these never-ending atrocities.

In Which Happy Thanksgiving

On the one hand, I find it distasteful that Target will open its doors at 6:00 PM on Thanksgiving, and I think the superstore should be avoided today at all costs.  On the other hand, I really need a 24-pack of paper towels.  What to do, what to do. . .

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Pope Francis arrived in Kenya, and, in an official motorcade comprised of limousines and luxury SUVs, little Lord Humblepants rode along in a "little gray Honda."  The locals were shocked and, frankly, so am I.  When is this guy going to stop shilling for his Japanese corporate masters?!?

In Which We Solve the Refugee Crisis

American pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has agreed to merge with Irish drug company Allergan.  Even though Pfizer is a considerably larger company, under the conditions of the deal Allergan will technically be the "buyer."  The reason?  Corporate inversion!  A fancy term for legal tax evasion.  See, because Pfizer will suddenly, officially, become an "Irish" company--despite the fact that the bulk of Allergan's business, like Pfizer's, is actually conducted in the United States--Pfizer will be subject to Irish corporate tax rates, which are considerably lower than those of the US.  Conservatives will no doubt shriek that this just proves that American taxes are too high, driving venerable corporations like Pfizer to such extremes of financial gamesmanship.  One wonders how much American governmental largesse has found its way into Pfizer's research and development coffers--to say nothing of protections offered by American patent laws and other governmental services that Pfizer is now seeking not to have to pay for.  But never mind that.

As much as one's gorge rises at Pfizer's behavior, there is a silver lining: I think this suggests a solution to the Syrian refugee crisis.  I'm thinking that, if American families take in refugees, the Americans could declare that the refugees are actually "sheltering" them--and that they--the Americans--should therefore be subject to tax rates of the refugees' original homes.  I frankly have no idea what Syria's federal tax rate is, but even if it's considerably higher than the US', I don't see Bashar al-Assad coming over to collect. 

Of course it's a ridiculous proposal: Ludicrous tax dodges are only for multi-billion dollar companies seeking exorbitant profit, not for people displaying exorbitant generosity.

In Which We Seek Appropriate Titles

The person chiefly responsible for the Paris terrorist attacks is presumed to be Abdelhamid Abaaoud, a resident of the Belgian neighborhood Molenbeek.  If you pay attention to news reports, you've seen or heard Abaaoud referred to as such things as "mastermind," "architect," and "ringleader."  What's the right term?  "Mastermind" makes him sound like a James Bond villain, the kind of suavely compelling ne'er-do-well played by Christoph Waltz or Javier Bardem.  That won't do.  "Architect" has a more technical connotation, but still conveys too much respect for Abaaoud's intellectual capacity.  Architects, after all, build things, a far more difficult task than mindless destruction.  "Ringleader" has possibilities, conveying as it does the image of someone at the center of "madness"--the madness of a terrorist cell, though, is a far cry from that of a circus.  Perhaps we need a new term?  Thug-in-chief?  Suggestions?