Senior Moments

As the NCAA basketball season winds down, and March marches inexorably toward madness, many colleges are hosting "Senior Nights" at ball games.  These games, typically the final home game of the regular season, offer fans the chance to honor and bid farewell to those players who will soon be graduating.  But these days, virtually all of the best players--those destined for NBA superstardom--leave college as underclassmen; many are "one and done" players, serving their obligatory (since an NBA rule change) freshman-year sentence in relatively luxurious serfdom at a major university, before declaring for the draft and reaping millions come June.  So, if you think about it--and I do--those seniors everyone is bidding adieu are almost inevitably not stars, not frontline players, not likely to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated or the back pages of your local tabloids any time soon.  They are talented, to be sure, but not quite talented enough to rise to the top tier of their field.  One cannot help but wonder--and perhaps worry a little--about how these young men and women will fare once they depart the cozy confines of their university gymnasia, as highly educated (we can only hope!) members of the common herd.

On the radio this morning, I heard a commercial for a well-known gecko-ridden auto insurance company, in which a prospective customer's "conscience" exhorted him to switch to this particular insurance company, on the grounds that doing so would save the consumer significant amounts of cash.  This is wrong!, I thought: The job of the conscience is to help us discern right from wrong, to provide us with moral and ethical guidance, not to serve as some sort of mental financial consultant.  The conscience is the Jiminy Cricket to our Pinocchio, the Watson to our Sherlock--or Wilson to our House, if you prefer.  Let our left brains sort through the minutiae of dollars and sense, but leave us our consciences to help us navigate the rocky shoals of soul-endangering temptation!  Do not cheapen this precious characteristic which may, it is no exaggeration to say, be the very thing that separates humanity from the baser inhabitants of our fallen world!  And then, in a flash, it hit me:  I am probably thinking much too hard about this.

The Solipsist Picks the Oscars (Yes, I Know!)

Sorry, sorry, sorry.  I know I'm a little late, but I didn't want to leave Solipsist Nation without its annual Oscar picks.  As usual, I have seen none of the nominate movies.  Nevertheless, through a combination of careful review of critical responses to the nominations, a statistical analysis of domestic and international box office results, and a cursory reading of this morning's paper, I am confident in my ability to predict winners.  To wit:

BEST PICTURE: Despite the overwhelmingly critical response to "American Hustle" and the popularity of "Gravity," I have to go with "Twelve Years a Slave," Steve McQueen's (no relation) epic tale of, I'm guessing, a guy who was a slave for twelve years.

BEST ACTOR: Matthew McConaughey (or, as John Travolta would say, Michael Mozaleen) deserves to win this award, as he is currently the best actor on television in what is currently the best show on television, "True Detective."  So I'm picking him.

BEST ACTRESS: Based on the fact that Cate Blanchett (Clark Brazent) has clearly garnered more votes than any of the other nominees, I suspect that she will beat out contenders like Amy Adams (Ahmed Ajams) and Meryl Streep (Marcel Speerce)--the latter of whom was not even IN a movie this year, but, you know, she's Meryl Streep, and, by law, she must be nominated.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Despite winning the award last night, Lupita Nyong'o (Louisa Reynzo--and you know you're in trouble when your Travoltafied name sounds MORE normal than your real one) will, I think, ultimately lose to June Squibb (Jude Smoith). This is my "upset special."

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Finally, Jared Leto (Jed Lopeez), having been named "Best Supporting Actor" last night, will win the award.  Next year, Leto will win "Best Actress"--have you seen that guy?  He's beautiful!