In their Super-Bowl winning 1986-87, the New York Giants adopted a strange custom: At the end of victories, shortly before the final whistle, team members would sneak up on coach Bill Parcells and dump upon him the contents of a Gatorade cooler. I've never understood why drenching one's coach with icy, fruit-flavored water--particularly on wintry northeastern afternoons--was considered an appropriate celebratory gesture, but Parcells never seemed to mind, and this ritual was soon adopted by other teams.
Nowadays, you don't see many NFL teams douse their coaches anymore, but the Gatorade bath is still a fixture at the college level. At the end of games, victorious college coaches can expect to get wet. Which got me to thinking: As far as I know, no team has ever gone on to lose a game after its coach has been drenched with Gatorade. A sure-fire winning strategy, then, would seem to be for a team's players to pour Gatorade all over the coach as soon as possible! If I were ever hired as a college coach, therefore, I would insist on being deluged right after the coin toss! Championship guaranteed!
(I believe the University of Texas is looking for a new coach. Longhorns, call me!)
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An article on the diversity of the New York Police Department reports that ""officers hail from Albania to Yemen," to which I say, simply, Yo, Zambia, WTF? Get with the program!
Friday, December 27, 2013
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Just Another Day at Solipsist Central (Workplace Edition)
COLLEAGUE OF SOLIPSIST: You know, next semester, we have a lot of new stuff happening.
SOLIPSIST: I know, but it's OK. We know exactly what we need to do, so everything will work out fine.
COS: You hope.
SOL: No, it's like that old saying, "The best laid plans of mice and men always work out just fine."
COS: Uh, yeah.
SOL: "Man plans, God gives man exactly what he planned on."
COS: You should probably check those quotes.
SOL: I'm not going to do that.
SOLIPSIST: I know, but it's OK. We know exactly what we need to do, so everything will work out fine.
COS: You hope.
SOL: No, it's like that old saying, "The best laid plans of mice and men always work out just fine."
COS: Uh, yeah.
SOL: "Man plans, God gives man exactly what he planned on."
COS: You should probably check those quotes.
SOL: I'm not going to do that.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Seasons Greetings
As a non-practicing member of the Jewish faith, I have never had particularly strong feelings one way or the other about Christmas. I've always appreciated the festive mood that comes over people--particularly when I lived in New York, and the city seemed to unwind slightly from its normal state of aggravated frenzy. But ultimately Christmas is just another day to hang out and, perhaps, enjoy a movie and Chinese food.
Today, in a change of pace, I'm gorging on basketball. Five--count 'em, FIVE--games, back to back to back to back. Uh, to back. As I watch, I also find myself thinking about my stepfather. He passed away several years ago, but I can't help but think how much he would have enjoyed this. He was a huge basketball fan, and, though he would no doubt have been pained by the lackluster performance of the local New York teams, such a glut of games would have seemed like quite the Festivus miracle.
Anyway, however you are all celebrating your holiday--whether "holy" or not--I hope you're having a good time. Happy holidays, everyone!
Today, in a change of pace, I'm gorging on basketball. Five--count 'em, FIVE--games, back to back to back to back. Uh, to back. As I watch, I also find myself thinking about my stepfather. He passed away several years ago, but I can't help but think how much he would have enjoyed this. He was a huge basketball fan, and, though he would no doubt have been pained by the lackluster performance of the local New York teams, such a glut of games would have seemed like quite the Festivus miracle.
Anyway, however you are all celebrating your holiday--whether "holy" or not--I hope you're having a good time. Happy holidays, everyone!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
If You Could Change History, Would You??
Just finished reading 11/22/63, Stephen King's contribution to the ever-developing legend of the JFK assassination. For those of you unfamiliar with the novel, it focuses on Jake Epping, who travels back in time from 2011 to the late 1950's, with the intention of preventing Lee Harvey Oswald from assassinating JFK. For those of you unfamiliar with the story of the Kennedy assassination, I can't help you--although I will suggest that King's novel provides a better primer than Oliver Stone's conspiracy-happy "JFK."
I highly recommend the book: It's one of King's trademark tomes--nearly 850 pages long--that you can just get lost in for hours on end. What makes the book special, though, is it's unpredictability. That is, even if you assume that King will ultimately provide a relatively happy ending (for all that he deals in horror, his novels are seldom tragic), in this particular novel, you cannot be sure what a happy ending is. Do we want Jake to prevent Kennedy's assassination? Will that make the world better or worse?
Far be it from me to answer that question: Read the book yourself to find out.
I highly recommend the book: It's one of King's trademark tomes--nearly 850 pages long--that you can just get lost in for hours on end. What makes the book special, though, is it's unpredictability. That is, even if you assume that King will ultimately provide a relatively happy ending (for all that he deals in horror, his novels are seldom tragic), in this particular novel, you cannot be sure what a happy ending is. Do we want Jake to prevent Kennedy's assassination? Will that make the world better or worse?
Far be it from me to answer that question: Read the book yourself to find out.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Gun Crazy
As long as citizens have a right to bear arms, I understand the quandary faced by law-enforcement personnel and gun-control advocates when considering gun-ownership restrictions on the mentally ill. After all, those suffering from mental illness retain all other rights. The very rise of the Tea Party can be attributed to the right of sociopaths to vote. Nor do we strip Second Amendment rights from those suffering from other diseases. Of course, diabetics seldom receive homicidal directives from their toasters.
What struck me, though, in today's top news article, "When the Right to Bear Arms Includes the Mentally Ill," was the amount of weaponry amassed by the mentally ill: 18 rifles and shotguns; an SKS assault rifle and two handguns; 16 guns belonging to a veteran with PTSD. I understand people wanting to own a gun for self-defense. But maybe we could adopt a common-sense approach towards allowing mentally ill people to arm themselves: If the number of guns owned seems like a symptom of a mental illness--to wit, hoarding--then maybe it's time for the authorities to step in?
What struck me, though, in today's top news article, "When the Right to Bear Arms Includes the Mentally Ill," was the amount of weaponry amassed by the mentally ill: 18 rifles and shotguns; an SKS assault rifle and two handguns; 16 guns belonging to a veteran with PTSD. I understand people wanting to own a gun for self-defense. But maybe we could adopt a common-sense approach towards allowing mentally ill people to arm themselves: If the number of guns owned seems like a symptom of a mental illness--to wit, hoarding--then maybe it's time for the authorities to step in?
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